[ntanis]

Hi. I have made another huge mistake. Although this time I stayed single for over a year before getting into another relationship. Now I am in a relationship that I don't want. I find myself engaged but I know I can't live with this man for the rest of my life. I struggle to live with him day to day. I feel so bad that I made a mistake again. I am going to hurt someone who is truly a nice man but he is so clingy that he makes me want to run away. He knows that things are not good in our relationship but he chooses to ignore those things and pretend everything is okay. I can't even be in the same room as him sometimes. It's that bad. I just want out but every time I try to bring up our relationship he gets all teary eyed, and keeps saying I love you. He says I love you so much that I can't stand it anymore. I feel like a total because he will do anything to please me but I can't stand his insecurities. I need to get to know me and that's what I was trying to do when he and I met at church of all places. I was really getting somewhere and then wham! I feel like I was side swiped by this guy and I almost resent him because I feel I was very vunerable. What should have been a one nighter has turned into a year long relationship with a ring on my finger?? I have to get out because I am losing myself. I don't even care how I look anymore. How can I tell him clearly that I need him to leave. I don't love him. Well, I guess I just answered my own question. Are there any ladies out there that can relate to my story? I really need to talk about this whole relationship business and how I always end up in one I don't want. I know I have to learn about myself first and I haven't but I'm ready too. I thought I was ready 1 year ago. I feel so sad, depressed, tired and exhausted from this relationship. Comments please.

[Wildcat21]

Hey ntanis,

I kind of gave a response to you I nanother post. This happens all the time. He's pushing you way away - and he doesn't even know this. AND the nhe comes on stronger thinking this will help.

He's not a mind reader. You need to sit down with him and tell him EVERYTHING - and how it's jepordized your relationship.

Communication is king!! He needs to know everything - the good and bad.

You'll also feel better.

[LBP]

Don't be such a coward. Deal with your problems. It's not like he's afreaking monster - he's trying to do the best he can. Deal with the situation you GOT YOURSELF INTO.

I know the way it's going to go. YOu're going to cut him out of your life completely, one day, and mostly out of the blue for him. If you had had the courage to be honest with him from the start you wouldn't have found yourself in this situation... Maybe you should have thought this through before you let yourself be pushed around by your own lack of conviction.

Good luck finding a man who can read your mind.

[Nohitter410]

You have to tell him how you feel. Keep it bottled up inside is the not the way to go and you don't want to make that kind of long-term commitment if you are not truly there.

I say tell him that you need some space from him right now and tell him if it is true that you still love him you just can't make this commitment unless it is truly what you want. Tell him it will give him time to figure out too so there will be less problems in the relationship. It will be a temporary separation like one val had not a break like we hear so often on her.

It is ultimately your life and your decision and do what's best for you. Hurting someone;s feelings can't be your concern, you can try to do it without any viciousness or spite but you can't also pretend everything is great when it is not and you both seem to know that. So tell him to stop hiding behind the underlying problems and you won't pretend everything is great when he says he loves you. Tell him that doesn't cut you need more and want more. TALK TO HIM, telling us is great but he and you are the only ones that can resolve this situation, if not you need to leave.

[Wildcat21]

WHY do women do this. They would rather cut their arm off then tell their guy how they REALLY feel - then do 1 million things to try and get him to break with them!!

Tell him today!! The truth. THIS IS YOUR FREAKING Fiancée!! Hello?? Someone oyu should be able to bare your heart and soul to.

But, his type of behavior should have ended long ago - maybe the first couple months being uptight. But, if he's her finance he shouldn't have a care in the world what she does.

OBVIOUSLY SHE does somehting make him not trust her at all. I wonder what? Cheated in the past??

It's better for both of oyu to end this - IT'S EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY FOR BOTH OF YOU RIGHT NOW.

[talaniman]

I think if the two of you had been talking all along you would not be having this problem so your solution is to talk to him now. Be honest and upfront and work this out together. Its not fair to either of you to withhold communications this way.

[kp2171]

Well... resenting him because he likes you big time is just transposing your frustration onto another person, moving the blame for what is wrong. Clingy can be maddening, but I'm guessing this is just one more thing that is wrong, and maybe what is driving you over the edge.

A guy who is clingy has his own problems, but that doesn't mean you should hate him for loving you, or for falling for you when you were vulnerable. He loves you. You hate him because the constant profession of commitment makes you feel guilty. So...

Time to fess up and move on. The sooner you break it to him the sooner he can start to build a life again.

So is there any easy way to slough off the guy you despise and can't be in the same room with? Uh... well... I think you owe it to him not to make it all his fault. You aren't ready or at least not wanting to be with him... fine.

Again, he's clingy and needs to figure some things out. Its reasonable to tell him that his uber-clinginess is an issue... but then again, maybe its better that it was that way... better for you to be driven off now than to be mildy content and let your distance grow within the context of a marriage. I guess that's the silver lining? Better he annoy you now than till death do you part, ad nauseum.

Suck it up. Tell him the truth. Be as kind as you can. The breaker-upper usually has been thinking about it and is prepared. The sucker that gets the shaft might know there's problems, but usually isn't as prepared for the hey-weve-got-to-talk-bomb.

[LBP]

Yeah, don't forget that you got yourself into this. You could have shown courage and avoided this situation. You didn't If you take the coward's way out again... Well, I guess it's up to you how you look at yourself, but I encourage doing the right thing as opposed to the easy thing, which is what it sounds like you've been doing until now.

[Wildcat21]

You need to sit down with him and tell him everything!! A LONG TALK. I bet he suprises you.