[ShyGal]

Hey

So here is a little background information before I get into the whole deal with my best friend. Firstly, we aren't just good friends, we are related. Cousins. I'm 21 and she is 23, and we have grown uptogether since the day I was born. We've always (well I say always but up until a few years ago) had a very close bond. She's lived at my house several times in the past due to her own family problems, and has always gotten along better with my mother than her own. We always joked that she was "the adopted daughter" and my "adopted sister" and she was always welcome at our home, any day, any time.

I don't really know what changed but she gradually became more and more self obsessed and less caring about me in general and how I might be feeling. She had a child when she was 19, who I am godmother to. He is a lovely little boy and I love him a lot. At first I had reservations about her pregnancy, resigning myself that she, her boyfriend, and her son would move on and I'd be left out, I was 17 at the time and gutted about losing my oldest friend. Turned out, we got along just as good, we just had to include her son in everything, that was all, which was fine; despite me not being much of a kid-person, I adapted and wouldn't dream of doing anything nowadays without inviting him.

Then, things started to change.

When my Godson got to about 2 years of age, she was already changing. Despite knowing that I must be feeling like crap ( my mum's cancer had returned and I was her sole carer) she never even bothered to ask me if I needed emotional support, nor did she offer it as I would have done with her. Instead, she still found time to dump her own problems on me, about her boyfriend, her relationship, her son etc. I am a caring person, a listener, and I don't mind listening to people's hardships, but it just felt like she was insensitve and uncaring at the time.

Anyway my mother recovered thankfully, but she remained the same. It got worse. Eventually, she would only speak to me about her problems. Before it had been a brief mention of what was on her mind, then we'd change subject and have a laugh, then it became a case of her meeting up with me, moaning all day, then going home.

Her boyfriend, the child's father, I cannot stand. Despite this, I do not mention it to his son and remain civil for the sake of him alone. He has cheated on my cousin several times, lies, and then rubs it in her face during arguments that he had slept with other women. He hurts her emotionally and frightens her (she was in a violent relationship at 16, and he seems to use that; slamming doors etc) He is manipulative, and controlling. She spends ALL of the time that she isn't sleeping with him, and whenever they have split up for the umpeenth time, to moan about him, how he treats her etc, but if you DARE suggest that she should leave him, she deserves better, she then has a go at you because he is her sons father. I respect that, but there is ways of remaining contact for the child's sake without having to sleep with him as well. She is OBSESSED with him. If she is with him, all she does is talk about him ( in a good way, she expects you to forget the bad ) then if she's not, all she does is talk **** about him. If you change the subject, she will relate it back to her boyfriend. For example we went Bowling on her birthday, and she had a big fight with her boyfriend but I said don't mention it to me as it will stress me out and ruin your birthday. Instead she spent the whole day mentioning that "they had been here together" and "sat there together" and whatever. So she was still talking about him, despite knowing how badly I hate him and how he treats her, and that I'd even asked politely for her not to mention it.

Anyway, this guy, she splits with him then takes him back over and over again. In four years, I've lost count, must be hundreds of times easily. It's a joke of a relationship. She won't let him go though, she will get mad at how he treats her and leave him, but be begging to take him back if he shows his face at her door.

It's awkward as she expects you to forget how he treats her. I love her, and I don't like to see her get treated in this way; yet she expects you to accept it, not get involved etc, but she spends half the time moaning at you about it so much so that you want to go hit the guy, and then she expects you to not defend her. It's illogical.

So, as you can see, that was causing problems with us. I began to gradually pull away a bit from our friendship; not so much from her in general, but from her problems. If she would mention the boyfriend, I'd change subjects almost immediately, or act uninterested. I wanted her to understand that all she did was talk about her, and without saying it directly maybe get her to realize I was bored of giving advice that fell on deaf ears, and that she needed to change the record.

She didn't really take the hint, and instead, would just moan at me, and when I changed the subject, for example, if we were texting or talking online, she would ignore me. Like, if she said "my boyfriend is coming later" I'd put something like "oh that's cool, so what are you doing this weekend? " and she'd ignore it. She started to only talk to me if he wasn't there; if he was at work, if he had split from her etc. I felt used. She wouldn't text me or call or suggest meeting up. If I suggested it, or texted, she would usually ignore me or make an excuse. I tried to ask if anything was wrong but she said no and then resumed ignoring me.

Over the following months; this was like from march this year, she became even more distant and ignorant. She wouldn't contact me for weeks on end and if I'd text her or call or ask to meet up, she would simply not reply. If she signed into Facebook she would sign off as I signed as online etc etc. We went on a family holiday together that had been arranged months before, and she was being off with me there too. Seemed like all we did was irritate each other; I was mad because she hadn't spoken to me for a month solid before the holiday, and she was mad at me because I didn't want to be chatting like old friends and dropped as soon as we got home for her boyfriend.

We got back, and as I suspected, the ignorance began. I needed to give her something so I nipped round, as she lives in the next street; and she ignored the door. I texted her to make sure she was home, and she mentioned that her boyfriend was there and given my feelings for him she wasn't going to open the door. I replied that "I hadn't said anything on her orders about his behaviour for four years, I was hardly going to do it now, besides I was only there for 30 seconds max then I was headed home" she said "she couldn't be bothered" to answer the door, and again, she didn't make contact for almost a fortnight. Then out of the blue she texted asking if my mum wanted to go to Bingo with her. My mum agreed, and whilst there a text from her boyfriend went through to her phone. My mum had lent her this phone, so picked it up making sure it wasn't a text for her. She read the text; as wrong as it may be, and it said "go on then with your slaggy aunty" referring to my mother. I was livid. She was so called so close with my mum yet she let her boyfriend talk about her like that! I was disgusted. I kept quiet for my mums sake (she didn't want a row over reading the msg) and she returned home, straight to the boyfriend. I was disgusted at the lack of loyalty and how she would ALLOW him to speak about her like that. What was he saying about me? Why didn't she stand up for her family? You know.

Anyway, I was pissed off with it all, so I stopped texting her to see if she'd make an effort. She didn't. She didn't speak to me for almost three months. Then she made contact this week regarding a box that was here for her son ( a gift but it was too big for her own home, been here since August). Anyway, it was the final straw.

She walked in, IGNORED me to my face; didn't say hello, kiss me arse, nothing. She took the box, took her christmas gifts (that I gave to her mum, my aunty) and didn't even say thank you. She didn't say goodbye or anything either. In fact, she didn't even look in my direction, straight in, then out. I was so pissed off at her. I have done nothing but be supportive to her for like 20 years and that is how she repays me when I have done nothing wrong. Seriously, if I was in the wrong I'd admit it and I'd apologize, but I haven't.

So I waited for her to return home as her kid was with her and I didn't want to explode in front of him and I sent her a huge email. I said about her ignorance, how I felt used and she only wanted me lately when her boyfriend was busy or to use me as her therapist. I said about the text and how I was disgusted that she was still with the dude months later and was letting him speak about people in that way, especially family. I said I love you but I'm not being used anymore. I then sent her a text saying I've emailed you with stuff I needed to get off my chest, but you'll just ignore it, so why bother?

Guess what; she read it, then blocked me. She didn't say anything.

I don't have a freaking clue what happened to us. We used to be so close. She's the one person in this world I'd class as my true best friend. I don't have any other friends because we grew up practically living together. We were never apart. I know she has mood swings and issues and I hate that she is so controlled by her boyfriend and stuff, and I miss her like crazy, but she doesn't even care.

She won't even fight for me or this friendship, it hurts more than anything knowing that. I feel bad about ending it, but I guess my question is, when she inevitably needs me in the future; as I've always been her main support system, do I forgive and forget, or will she use me again? Did I just throw away a 20 year friendship without reason or do you think she deserved to be told what I said to her; that she is disloyal, a lousy friend lately, and I'm sick of her using me? :|

My emotions are meh.

Sorry for the extreme longness of this question and KUDOS if you read it.