[niki1]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. When we met as taboo to some as it is we had sex the first night. It was so good and all night that when I stood up I feel to my knees. We immediately had a strong connection and moved in together within 2 weeks and lived together ever since. Because we moved so fast there was so much to learn and quick. We have definitely had our ups and downs but one of our main issue that has been unresolved is our sex life or lack there of.

To get a better picture my boyfriend is non aggressive and has a lowering sex drive where on the other hand I have a high sex drive and want it as often as I can get it. I find myself confused as sex has never been an issue for me in past relationships and I thought that by being with my current boyfriend who I love and adore for so many years that I wouldn't have to beg or masturbate as much as I do, but I do because he just has no interest. What's even more confusing that we were both only 29 and attractive people, and I would assume that that would be the right ingredients for a healthy fun sex life but its not.

I've already talk to him many times about it but nothing has changed. He's gone to the doctor to check his testosterone and his levels are fine. He likes it when I give him oral sex and gets a full erection but when it gets to the point of having sex he sometimes says things that kill the mood or his erection goes limp and its so hurtful and frustrating for me. It has been 6 going on 7 months now and we haven't had sex. I couldn't take it anymore cause I couldn't stop but infatuated on the idea that he was maybe getting it elsewhere and actually flipped out major when I told him I was horny and that if he wanted I would be game and instead of having sex with me he waited till I fell asleep and started looking at porn. It wasn't a pretty sight when I surprised him that I was still awake and saw his boner. I just went over the edge and went insane.

He moved out and I move to another city since. We're trying to make it work and have recently we talked again and planned a romantic night in San Fransisco. The night should have been full of love, fun sex games, drinks, some fun toys we picked out together, beautiful hotel room and just us but it ended with frustration, crying on my part, anger and bad comments on his part, it was all together a bust. I just don't know what more I can do or say.

We talk a lot about being each others future and we talk a lot about how great we are together and we talk a lot about the lack of our sex life but now I'm at the point that I am so dissatisfied that a future with him is sounding more and more like a depressing death trap. I hate feeling like this because he is a wonderful man and he is someone who I can and want to see myself having a future with but if I'm never satisfied and he's OK with that does that mean I have to be OK with that? I don't want to lose him but I don't want to lose me either.

Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship but it ranks pretty high in my book. I sometimes feel shameful for wanting it or considering leaving him for it and I just don't know what to do. I love him but he doesn't give me the connection that I need. Oh yeah, I should mention that he does say he feels bad and loves me and want to be intimate with me but in his words he suck in that area and has recently told me that he has considered giving me a hall pass so that I get satisfied and he doesn't lose me. He also watches porn, gets erections, and finishes just fine without me. I just don't get it! Any advise?

[Ariusp]

OK lisen and learn... men ARE IDIOTS I KNOW I AM ONE. Just tell him that if he's afraid he kan't satisfy u then it doesn't matter most of us knows that girls is less sensetive then boys (thats life) just tell him u don't ceare

[niki1]

Hi Ariusp,

Thanks for the feedback. I hear what your saying but I have already expressed this to him many times. I told him that I did not care if our sex session only lasted 2-5 minutes and that it was OK if I did not climax because what I really enjoyed most about sex was our connection and the sincerity of our desire for each other. I told him that we didn't have to have marathon sex either (although I wouldn't say stop if he had a good night). I've expressed that if we could have 2 quickies minimum a week that I would be just fine with that. I have also tried to help him with the anxiety of helping me orgasm by introducing a pleasure vibrator but once he was done he was done and he didn't care to help me finish. There was no let's lay and play some more after sex, it was more like wam bam thank you mam now I'm shower and turn back on the TV like nothing just happened. I just don't know how we went from amazing sex to me feeling like I'm begging to take his virginity and him responding like he's a young boy that doesn't know what to do. Foreplay... forget it, it was more like it would be unexpected timing and if I didn't drop my pants quick enough then I didn't get lucky. And now we just don't have sex anymore. He's even made the comment that if we have sex then he'll have to get up after and clean himself and he's just too lazy. So I feel if I tell him that I don't care then he'll except how we are and nothing will change. Myself esteem is really going through the ringer and I feel depressed about it. He says he loves me, he loves spending time with me, he wants a future with me, but how can that be if he doesn't want to be intimate with me?

[talaniman]

Is he game to see a doctor for some male enhancement drugs? I don't think this is about sex at all but his selfish unwillingness to at least meet you half way, and put efforts into this relationship. Maybe he is over whelmed by you and feels inferior, but that's what has to be talked about before you can move forward.

No you should not just accept this attitude, but the way out is to get on the same page, about be made to feel good, love, and intimacy, or dump his lazy selfish a$$.

Sorry, if he isn't willing to explore solutions, there will be none.

[helovesmenot]

I am in the same place with my boyfriend how ever we have a child so it makes things harder. Get out now!!
I wish I had when I could last year we had sex two times. The year before it was five, it is not getting better.
I love him but this no sex thing is killing me, and he dose not like to go down or want me to do him. So it not even that good when we do have sex he has to be the worst in bad that I have ever been with but I love him the most for who he is. But I can get over not having sex and when we do him not put his all in to it.
I think I am not the right person for him,I don't think he wants me or is in love with me. I know he loves me but not the way a man loves his wife. He says that he wants to be with now and in the future but I don't see how.
I want so badly for him to want me, make love to me, make me feel loved, but I don't think that is going to happen with him. It been almost 10 years that someone made love to me,you know were they take time to make you good and loved with soft music playing and taking the time to make the room nice and ever thing. I think that in love = I will do what ever I can just to make her happy an just love = I will try to not get her mad get out NOW!!

[charming2012]

Well I think this is a rampant diseas that is eating up a relationship that has gone tired for each other like you see each other everyday and you know that falling out of love maybe the reason.but couple sometimes just try to ignore this problem.Trying to take for granted that they make it look like its not happening,but never want to depart or never want to be alone ,never want to make love.afraid to try and make it work.
What's the point of being together .some play it for security some play it to show they are still happily together ,but the intimacy isn't there anymore.
Grow up people wake up.be smart be brave get out of misery.live the remaining life the happiest you want to have. Live the(... hole )you are with and let him realize how important you are... he is really just being an ignorant.sick person.or check he maybe a... Gay... probably does not really want you as a woman but desire a man.and is just hiding and using you as a shield to protect his real personality.good luck he will never change.don't wait for it will be a worst disappointment.Go ahead find a real man that will love you ,before you miss the time you should be enjoying your youth.be happy ,and savor the sweetness of making love to the man that will give you the real meaning of love and affection.

[fmb]

Just talk to him about it he will understand

[Fr_Chuck]

To the Poster, why did you report FMB answer as wrong, it appears you were trying to answer them but you reported it to the moderators are being incorrect.

If you want to answer them, answer your own post