[Teaching]

I am wondering if anyone has any tips on keeping professional and personal relationships separate? I know many of you have read the "loss of friendship", I feel one of the things that made things more stressful was not being able to keep the two relationships separate. I feel there is always more pressure when you are friends and trying also to work together. I know at times I felt very hurt and suppressed as my friend and I didn't always see things the same way. In this situation, this friend had a lot to deal with as he was my friend, mentor, colleague and it is a lot to ask of anyone.

I feel one of the lessons here is learning how to keep things separate and would love any advice? Thanks

[Allheart]

Boy that is a tough one Teaching and the reason is we spend most of our time at work then we actually do with our families.

But if your goal is to keep the two separate, then that's what you do. Personal information you exchange is minimal.

Generally, the first question on a Monday is what? How was your weekend? Right. General answers, such as good, okay will work.

Just try and focus more on your job and stay out of any and all office "chattering". It's okay to peak in once and awhile, and join a conversation for example comparing stories about children, but you always want to be aware of the line between personal and office.

It is very hard, I know, as sometimes the office is like a second home, but keeping the two separate and a comfortable level, can save a whole lot of turmoil down the road.

[Teaching]

Thank you, you are right it is so so hard to keep this separate. Appreciate your tips and will reflect further on your advice.

[Allheart]

Oh just know you are not alone. It is hard. But it can be done. Remember, other people in the office probably feel somewhat the same way. There are those who come to work for the socialization aspect, those you really want to steer clear from.

Just for a start, throw your head right in your work. It will give you the time needed to
Let things calm a bit and help you get a little more direction and focus.

[Teaching]

I think you are right, lots of people find it hard, it's good to know that, thanks it is comforting.

[shygrneyzs]

Keeping professional and personal relationships separate can be a daunting task. It is easier to get over involved in your co-workers lives because you see and hear them 8 hours a day, if not more. There are those people who seem to suck others into their life's events - they want an ear or a shoulder or sympathy or at least empathy. Hard not to feel some empathy and that is okay but do not take it and internalize it. When you allow their situation to affect your own life, it is already gone too far.

I feel the less a co-worker knows about my personal life, the better. The less I know about theirs, the better also. General pleasantries are just that. Office etiquette as far as politeness, respect, etc. Establishing your own boundaries, people should respect that. Of course you will find that there are those who will get miffed about it - but then think, are those people there for work or a hen party?

You are right when you state there is more pressure in the work place when you are also friends of that person. What happens if, for example, you would have to critique his or her work and you saw some problems that could be corrected? Or if, in a problem, you needed that person to back you and it did not happen? It does make for a strained relationship.

To start someplace brand new, it is far easier to set your boundaries right away. If you are trying to estabilsh this now and things have gone awry, focusing on your work (as Allheart stated), resisting the water cooler conversations, finding ways for constructive work related feedback, may all help. If it really bothers you, talking to that person with the goal of coming to an understanding of the work relationship.

I truly wish you the very very best in your efforts. You have a good head on your shoulders. Are compassionate and concerned about those around you. Good luck to you.

[Teaching]

Thank you so much for your kind words. I want to make sure I never ever repeat past mistakes. It has cost me a friendship and I want to prepare myself so right from the beginning I bring in a good balance. You sure know your stuff.

[talaniman]

Set boundaries and don't cross them

[Teaching]

You are right, setting boundaries are vital. Thank you for that reminder