[ladylove25]

So I've known my best friend for 5 yrs. For the past year or two, my best friend has developed a crush on me. But it has become a "I like you" stage and "I want to go out with you" stage. He's 20 and I'm 20 too. I used to have a crush on him but a very light one in high school and by the time high school was over the crush went away.

I moved on but he has developed feelings for me. Before he used to flirt with me and has asked me if I wanted to go "hang" with him and I would say no all the time because I don't feel the same way. I've told him before that I have been indecisive about him because of my dislikes about him. I told him my dislikes about me and he responded with reasons I may dislike them.

For example, I told him that one of my dislikes was that he says that he has charm but he never uses it when trying to flirt of give signs that he wants to get with me. He says that he does but that he would prefer using it when were alone and not when we are with our group of friends. And that he does not use it much because I respond negatively toward it because I'm not interested. I agreed with all of that but I'm thinking that he should show it more as a personality trait than just trying to pursue me. Instead I just agreed because I didn't think of that till later on.

I also told him that I am Christian and it is a big thing about me and I'm looking for someone with similar faith. He responds by saying that he's catholic but he's willing to go to church with me and pray and support me and my religion. I'm unsure about that because I fear that it may bring conflicts to our relationship ( I am thinking long term relationship here). I also told him that he's lazy about his appearance and that he has the potential to be a 8 or a 9 if he tried. He was flattered but then said that he would only do it if he were with someone rather than if he is single. I know its wrong and shallow but if he's trying to attract someone wouldn't it be hard with a lazy appearance?

I sometimes don't feel the sex appeal from him and it can turn me off. But anyway I don't know what to do. I can talk with him for a long time about stuff and we can have a lot of laughs but I just don't see him that way. I for some reason cannot picture him kissing me or seeing him as a romantic boyfriend. But at the same time he would do anything for me, support me, treat me like a queen.

I'm sorry for being mean but this is how I honestly feel about it. There are times that I feel like I may like him and I may want to give in and be with him. But then I feel the complete opposite. How should I handle this?

[mmresd]

If you don't feel it then it is OK to be mean, because he needs to understand that you value his friendship but that he needs to keep his distance romantically. Don't ever do anything you don't want to do.

[ladylove25]

He does understand. He's a perfect gentleman, but I just feel like its getting complicated.

[talaniman]

I think brutal honesty is what he needs since he can't take a hint. Until you take a solid stand and tell him that this unwanted pursuit will ruin a friendship, then he will always have false hope and pursue what he wants.

Cold and mean as it seems, maybe this friendship will never be that good as long as he sees a chance with you.

You have been half stepping and he ain't listening. Make him listen and honor the boundaries of friends only. Don't be disarmed by his passive/aggressive, approach to you.

[Jake2008]

You are between and betwixed.

He sounds like he's good friend material, but you don't see him as a potential boyfriend in the traditional sense of the word.

He sees far more than you do.

Clearly friendships go down one road, without crossing that boundary into boyfriend/girlfriend, through mutual respect and boundaries. Not to mention that many solid friendships have been broken when that risk is taken.

You know how you feel, and you should not compromise to keep a friendship going, or to dive into waters you are not comfortable with. And you can't make those waters warmer, by changing a person to be someone who will look better, or be more like a person you would consider dating.

Be honest. He is never going to be a boyfriend, only a friend. Let him know that the relationship will never, ever go beyond friendship. When he brings up romance again, or begins to cross those boundaries, then consider that a friendship now, may also never happen.

To keep the idea going that if 'this' or 'that' were different, you 'might' feel differently, is changing the nature of the friendship, and it isn't likely in my opinion, that if he changed himself, that you would find him any more attractive, or appealing as a person who you would wish to have a loving, lasting relationship with.

Likely part of what is happening is you don't want to lose him as a friend. Clearly set the boundaries, and see if he can respect them. If he can't, then you have your answer.

[ladylove25]

Well to be completely honest I like the attention and I see that I am making excuses so that he can keep doing what he's doing. But I know its wrong and that's why I'm in between this whole thing. I never gotten that attention from a guy before so I like it. But also I do not see him that way. What does this mean? I mean I'm not bad looking but I crave attention from guys in general. I guess I'm lonely. What can I do about this? Thanks.