[gwenann]

He said his affair had finished after phoning her in front of me, his father, and his two sons. He also sat down with his sons and my daughter and told them he was so sorry and would do anything to make us work again. But now he has just up and left saying he is riddled with guilt and he doesn't like my personality anymore.

I have supported this man financially for three years to help him set up his business which is unstable. He has lived in my house, ate my food driven my car. Yes he has made some alterations on my house as a pay back but has left me with thousands of pounds worth of clearing up to do, which I would have had!

I'm devastated. He says he has not gone to be with her but wants to be on his own and free! The hurt and betrayal is too much to bear. I feel tarnished, my home feels tarnished. I feel dirty and used. Help!

[kcomissiong]

I can't imagine the hurt and betrayal that you must be feeling right now. I can't even tell you what would be a good way to start getting over it. I do know that staying busy with practical things helps and is at least distracting. Work on getting bills separated into what is yours and what is his. Remove his name from accounts if he will no longer be living in the house and open a separate bank account if you share a joint account. If you are not ready to file for a divorce, at least work on setting up a formal visitation and custody arrangement along with support for your children as part of a separation agreement. Spend time with your children. They are hurting also, and it is a lot to ask for you to be strong for them, but can you imagine the fear and insecurity they would feel if you feel apart? Stay busy with their activities, and take a class or find a hobby you have been meaning to try. Meet with your friends more often and make sure that they know that you may need to lean on them for support. Seek the support of a counselor or a member of your clergy as well. Counseling wouldn't be a bad idea for yourself or your children. Good luck during this difficult time.

[gwenann]

Thank you. I feel devastated and totally unclean. Everything in my house feels tainted by him. I've allowd my daughters to feel that this was an honest man and I feel guilty. Guilty that I was taken in and used when I had the responsibility of caring for my children. Then the man who has left me, his father visited today as he couldn't believe himself what his son has done... its all so shocking... ive not said everything in detail as it would just go on and on. This man I loved and thought I knew is not the person I thought him to be. I have friends good family all be small.. im trying to be strong but its hard cause I can't get out of shock right now.

[talaniman]

You are supposed to be in shock, anyone would be going through what you are. Let family help you through this as you get through the shock and pain of being betrayed by a trusted weasel.