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user4965 · Oct 22, 2011, 02:40 PM

And I've read a lot of the threads about how to handle break-ups and all of the NC rules, but I don't know, probably because I'm deluded into thinking, like everyone else, that my situation is somehow different, but I figure I may as well ask.

So my ex-girlfriend and I met about three years ago, she started to date one of my friends the day I met her. They dated for five months, and he treated her really poorly so she and I got close, we became best friends. She has trust issues and social anxiety and etc, so she has a hard time being close to people. Anyway, they broke up, and we started dating (faster than I wanted, but she asked me and I liked her a lot so I wasn't about to say no).

We had a really great relationship, our communication was excellent and everything flowed really well. She was my first "love" and my first most things, and I hers. We had fights, but they were typically silly and got resolved rather quickly.

Being so open, we began talking about college (this is about two years into our relationship), and we decided we should break up, because we had seen that long distance typically doesn't work out, we were going to school about 100 miles apart, which isn't that far, but its still a distance.

Anyway, since we broke up, we've been talking a lot, which I now realize is totally against the NC code, but I don't know what to do. I don't have many friends here, and she is my best friend and I am hers, so its really hard not to talk. Recently she developed feelings for some guy (well he liked her since they met, about a month or so ago, but then she recently began feeling for him), and he asked her out a lot and she said no, most likely for my sake, anyway, she and I were talking today, and she explained that she was probably going to say yes, because "this is why we broke up in the first place, to see what its like to date other people", and I was (am) really hurt by it, this guy is not her type. And I read a thread somewhere about how rebound works, and this is definitely that.

My point is, I sort of felt like we broke up as a formality, because everyone expected us to. I never felt that invested in the break up, there was no bad blood. But now that she is going to be dating this guy I don't know what to do. She is my best friend and I get really lonely here.

Any thoughts? Should I just proceed as all the other people have?

vanheart · Oct 22, 2011, 03:26 PM

You situation isn't that different.

The bottom line is that you broke up. Whether you like it or not.

Maintaining LD relationships require super, duper commitment, trust & patience. As well as goals as a couple.

If you want to be her friend, that's up to you, but keep in mind, that you aren't, or may never be her boyfriend again.

Maybe try NC out for a while. 6 months to start. See how you feel about things.

Give yourself a chance to explore other things. She certainly will.

talaniman · Oct 22, 2011, 03:55 PM

As you see exes make lousy best friends when they decide to date others. Let her, and do the NC the right way and find something else to do with your time.

I think that's the whole problem, you have wrapped your whole life around another person instead of building one besides them.

I guess now is as good a time as any to build a life without her in it. NC is easier that way.

vanheart · Oct 22, 2011, 04:21 PM

Tal nailed it.

Never put all of your eggs in one basket.

Meet more girls.

mmresd · Oct 26, 2011, 06:49 PM

It really doesn't matter whether you wanted or were very invested in the break up. She obviously was. Unfortunately the rule is that it takes two to make a relationship but only one to end it. She is done with this, you need to realize and start moving on, as far as being a different case, I don't think so. It seems like you were a rebound and that the guy she is with now is another rebound, it seems like she just keeps switching, but don't worry that will end badly.