[hcarrillo90]

I'm 21 my boyfriends 23 Suddenly I've been doubting my relationship and not sure if I still love him... This is making me very depressed and I don't like feeling this way... Last week we were talking about getting married having kids our life together I was so happy thinking I want that with him then the next day I become so confused I don't understand these feelings nor do I want them I was happy he made me happy I felt complete now all I do is cry and I'm sleeping a lot more because I just don't want to think I've told him that I feel like I mite be losing feelings for him and he said we could work on our relationship but can that be done? Is this normal? I feel so bad because he's been so good to me and done so much for me I so badly want to get rid of this doubt and go back to being happy I mean yes we have our flaws but who doesn't and we do spend everyday together he's moved into my house someone please help I honestly can't picture my life without him

[talaniman]

I hear your desperation, and your first stop is a doctor and after you have been thoroughly checked out, and your emotional needs met, only then should you consider whether you want this fellow, OR, maybe you want things slower, yet live apart, OR if you even want him to live with you.

First you have to decide what YOU want, and tell him, and make it happen. If you don't want him there while you go through this process, then tell him to leave, OR is he moving to fast, and forcing you into something you may want later, but NOT at this moment?

[Jake2008]

Going from boyfriend/girlfriend, to an engagement, then marriage, is about as big a comittment as there is between two people. It is a life changing proposition.

It was after this discussion of marriage with him, that things fell apart for you.

You don't make a decision that enormous, based on feeling obligated because he 'has done so much for you', or that it is the next logical step in your relationship. That decision should marry him should be one of the most joyous moments of your life- not something that throws you into a depression, and causes so much anxiety.

I am wondering if perhaps there was some anticipation that that proposition of marriage, was near, and part of the problem here is that you knew it was coming. Did you have doubts about the relationship, prior to the subject of marriage, and when the topic did come up, it was more a matter of emotions boiling over and this was the moment that your dreaded.

Maybe this was a turning point in the relationship itself in other words, that was inevitable.

Could it be more meaningful as thinking of this as the straw that broke the camel's back?

I don't know how long you have been with your boyfriend; was this your first serious relationship?

My advice to you is to realize that you are in a position to mitigate some of your own feelings right now, simply by facing them. A relationship that reaches the stage of talking marriage, should be with someone that you can talk to completely and openly, about any and all things to do with yourself, the relationship, and the future plans together.

Even if for now you let him know that the decision to marry is the cause of all the mixed up feelings and emotions, and it is depressing you, and affecting your day to day life in such a way, that it has to be dealt with. Not put aside, not ignored, and certainly not soft shoed to avoid hurt feelings. There should be enough maturity in your relationship together that real communication can be had.

To me, from what you have said so far, it is obvious that you are not ready for marriage. Perhaps you never will be with this particular boyfriend. I suspect that doubts were present, long before the subject of marriage came up.

You owe it to yourself, and him, to be honest, and put the marriage issue, at least for now, to rest. Once you have crossed that hurdle, I hope you will have more confidence in yourself to realize it is okay to put your needs first. Especially now, before you make a promise to marry him, that you know is probably not the right decision to make.

[mcinorg]

Doubt! Synonymous to reality. Moving in with you, having some "me" time, afraid of the future and what it may hold, these are all signs of living. Start asking the questions that matters. What are his favorite color? His cartoon character? Do he like the left side or right side of the bed? Favorite dish? Hobby? What this does is create a real relation between the two and not merely a possible lustful attraction. With the economy the way it is, financial security also may be playing a part in the fear. But love concors all. On a continuing basis, doubt may rare it's ugly head. Caution and then proceed.