[Turntwo]

Hey, I was wondering if I could have some advice on my situation.

My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago. She had just came to the same college as I go to. We had a great relationship for 16 months. The only problem was we spent every second together. There was a time when we both wanted that, but I understand we needed time for other people too.

So one day she tells me she needs space. She breaks up with me and I leave her alone for the first two and a half weeks or so. We did talk and spend time together a little bit, but it was just as friends and sometimes other people were around too.

About a week and a half ago I was lying down in her bed. I was almost asleep and she kisses me. We stop and she apologizes and says she can't do that if we aren't dating. I assure her it isn't a problem, tickle her back for a while and then tell her goodnight and leave.

A few days later we were talking about it. She claims I was the one who tried to kiss her. I disagree. So she says it must have just happened then. We laugh about it. Anyway this past week or so we've been hanging out a lot. I've gotten up at 530 am to help her study for a test. We go eat together and get stuff at walmart. We just have fun. Again, nothing serious.

Last Sunday we were driving back to college. She starts crying about how she hates college, how she doesn't have any friends there, and how she thinks her roommate hates her. She says she doesn't want to go back. She jokingly suggests we stay in a hotel. So I drive to the next hotel and pay for a room. She thanks me. We spend the night working on a paper for her. We fall asleep together and get breakfast the next day before classes. She thanks me again, and says it was nice to just be away from everyone.

We've been hanging out this past week. Her roommate thinks she's dumb for spending time with me. Her roommate also doesn't know why I want to spend time with someone who dumped me. I basically tell my ex to not care what her roommate says about us (her roommate was a high school friend, usually nice and likes me). Anyway this gets my ex thinking. She asks me if the time we spend together is hurting me. I say no, I just want to help her out wherever I can.

So we have a deep conversation where she says she broke up with me because she thought I didn't care about her or anything she said. Now I can be stubborn, but I cared so much about her. I tell her that and she says she now knows I care about her more than anyone.

So basically what's my next move? I don't want her to slowly start slipping away. I know the saying have the cake and eat it too. I don't think that's the case here. She tells me that if she's hurting me we should stop hanging out. Its really not a problem for me, I'm just a guy right now. She's not checking out other guys, she's made sure I understood that. She says she's just really confused.

Help?

[talaniman]

What kind of help do you want? You seem happy to be her emotional tampon, and be available when she has nothing going on for herself. So what is it you want help with?

You told her you are cool being with her in an uncommitted, undefined relationship, so what's the problem??

[0rphan]

Hi Turntwo,

It's quite clear that this girl is using you,she says jump... you say how high.
You say you broke up, no you didn't, you just stopped having sex,by your own admission you say you still saw each other a bit,therefore you had not finished the relationship.

At every turning she is asking for your help, whether it be homework,or a motel to spend the night, which you would have paid for,and what do you do,sit up all night helping her with her paper.

It is you that needs to break away from her and stop being used as a door mat,she is clearly manipulating you for her own needs... open your eyes and see clearly what is going on here.

[vanheart]

Don't waste your time on wishy washy.

Let her figure out what she wants. Without you as a backup.

Don't be her pal, especially when you expect more.

Be that guy that hangs around until she figures out what she wants. That could be forever.

It sounds like you already know, just don't want to admit it.

Do your own thing. She's doing hers.

"She tells me that if she's hurting me we should stop hanging out"

That's KEY.

It's a girls nice way of saying. Buh, bye. (as they keep you waiting in the wings)