[Incandescent_Flame]

Hi Everyone -

This is my first time posting here. I got a new job about 6 months ago and have become very good friends with one of my co-workers (we are both in our early 20s). She has been married now for about 7 months. I am wondering about the appropriateness of our friendship and wanted to get the advice of others because I have never dealt with being friends with a married woman before.
First, I am not attracted to her - I know that I would be if she were not married, but having become attracted to unavailable women in the past I know what a mistake it is. Further, I see no real signs that she is attracted to me. However, at times I am concerned that our friendship is developing much too rapidly and that there will be problems in the future (more and more I am starting to say to myself, "This is going to be trouble").
We do not spend time together outside the workplace (I was thinking of offering to hang out with her if she was bored when her husband sometimes works late, but have decided against that), but when we have free time at work and happen to be in the same space (we don't consciously seek each other often to socialize), we talk A LOT - 2 to 3 hours, fairly regularly. We both know we should be doing work, but we can't seem to stop ourselves, it just comes too naturally. Also, up until recently we shared things we told each other with other workplace friends (gossip, etc.) but now I find we are just telling each other things and keeping them secret from everyone else and in some ways are even beginning to socially isolate ourselves from our other friends. Whereas before our friendship was definitely on par with those we had with other co-workers, now we are clearly each other's "best friend," at least as far as the workplace goes. We are starting to joke around a lot more than we have in the past - I would not consider it flirtatious, but it is definitely very familiar.
I have only met her husband twice and he seems like a nice guy - she always talks about him and is very, very much in love with him. However, the second time I met him she acted very differently towards me than when he is not around - in some ways I feel we CANNOT interact the way we do normally when he is present because we both feel it would be inappropriate (although we have not discussed this). Further, she often comments on how her husband and I are similar in many ways and is surprised at the degree to which we agree about some things. She also seems to take what I say fairly seriously as she will return to discussion points from a few days past and comment on how she had been thinking about what I said and how that has led to a change in her opinions on some matters.
My major concern is that in time things will become problematic between the two of us. If we have become this close so quickly AND so soon after she has gotten married, what will happen when that "honeymoon glow" wears off? I don't want things to become awkward between us nor do I want her husband to become angry at me/us because I wouldn't want our friendship to be disrupted because I value it highly and respect her a great deal.
I don't know the "rules" for friendships with married women (if there are any) - is what we are doing inappropriate? Am I just being overly neurotic in thinking that things could become inappropriate in the future? If things are inappropriate, what should I do to fix them without making it obvious that I am consciously altering the dynamics of our relationship?
Thanks for any advice that can be offered.

[chuff]

I think you are reading way too much into this. I think you're the work buddy. The rules of friendship with a married woman are the same as they are with a single woman. You are friends, nothing more.

I think you have a little crush because you know she is unattainable and as another poster here, Wildcat, says "people always want what they can't have."

To be honest if you two are talking for 2 or 3 hours I get the impresion she sees you as another one of the girls and not a love interest. You gossip with her just like the girls would. You keep secrets just like the girls woulds. Your just another one of the girls in her mind, who just happens to be a guy.

[valinors_sorrow]

You are wise to not seek her beyond friendship because you have learned your lesson about unavailable women.

You are wise to not seek her company outside of work -- way too much potential there with a new marriage and a soemtimes MIA husband.

You are most wise however in being concerned that you are developing a friendship at work that is too fast. If this goes wrong, and friendships often do, your means of a living could be jeopardised or at least made very uncomfortable.

So don't look down the road for actual trouble since you don't know what will happen next -- nobody does. However do slow it down and be clear ALWAYS that it is just a work pal, okay? Like Chuff says, be like a coworker "girlfriend"-- that is what a platonic relationship between genders is like after all.