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Scirok · Jul 24, 2011, 10:34 PM

A little background info I'm 22 my ex is 20. We have been together for almost 3 years now. And I recently broke up with her for stupid reasons mostly lack of trust and the feeling of are relationship seeming "different" so soon after the break up a couple of weeks ago I regretted it. I tried to apologize for it and tried to get her back. Yet she seemed to want nothing to do with me and my point was later proving she told me should the old line of "she can't be with me right now" the classic.

The problem I have is there is no real reason she has for why she can't be back with me she claimed it was the combination of A lot of things including me not choosing her over my friends which isn't true it just seems like threw this she just wants a way out I feel like she cheated on me and just doesn't want to have to tell me for the fear of looking like a slut.

I just don't know what to do here. I feel torn apart I loved this girl and treated her amazing. I've tried to talk to her and get some answers but it only seems to make it worse cause she doesn't want to talk about it. I know I shouldn't force communication on her it's just aggravating cause I don't have a lot of answers. She promises me this has nothing to do with another guy, and she didn't cheat on me. But you know how that goes.

She tells me she needs her space and I know I need to listen to her it's just so hard to I love the girl so much. I'm just afraid if I don't try to fix this and do the whole no contact thing she's just going to disappear and think "He must not really care". I know I must sound like a fool in this. I just really don't know what to do in this situation I want her back but I just don't understand why she's being so stubborn about this. Does she want space so I disappear and makes it easier on her heart or what?

This is just so hard to stop thinking about it. What should I do?

Wondergirl · Jul 24, 2011, 10:38 PM

Let me see if I have this right: You broke up with her because you decided you don't trust her and now are upset because she won't welcome you back into her loving arms even though you still don't trust her and think she's seeing other guys even though she denies that.

Is that correct?

Scirok · Jul 24, 2011, 10:59 PM

I basically felt like we were falling out do to the lack of things sexually emotionally etc giving me signs that something was going on and it just felt like she didn't want to be with me anymore I've tried to tell her that I'm sorry for what I've said she just doesn't seem to care I've apologized for accusing her of this but it doesn't seem like it matter I know it was stupid of me to say but I just felt like
It was happening.

Wondergirl · Jul 24, 2011, 11:01 PM

No Contact isn't supposed to mark time, hope she misses you, and be an attempt to get her back.

No Contact is absolutely no contact in any way with the idea that you are healing and moving forward with your life.

Wondergirl · Jul 24, 2011, 11:02 PM

I know it was stupid of me to say but I just felt like
It was happening.

And you still don't trust her.

Scirok · Jul 24, 2011, 11:14 PM

So am I basically s*** out of luck here and there's nothing I can do all I can find myself to
Do is cry and kick myself for that night this kill me if this was the end of are 3 year relationship for something so stupid

Wondergirl · Jul 24, 2011, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by Scirok

So am i basically s*** out of luck here and there's nothing I can do all I can find myself to
Do is cry and kick myself for that night this kill me if this was the end of are 3 year relationship for something so stupid

Well, you don't trust her, so why would you want her back?

Someone else may give you some ideas of what you can do, but my take on the situation is that you've burned your bridges. You can leave her alone for a while and see if that works. You know that continual apologies aren't working and trying to talk with her isn't working.

I'll PM Tal to look at this thread. He has tons of common sense and might be more helpful than I am. He'll probably be online in the morning.

Hang in there for now. We'll help you however we can. It's 1:30 here, so I'm off to bed.

amicon · Jul 25, 2011, 04:44 AM

You broke up with her.

She tells you she can't be with you and she wants her space.

That means she wants you to leave her alone.

So you leave her alone and start healing from the breakup.

talaniman · Jul 25, 2011, 03:00 PM

Don't worry about why she is stubborn, or why she needs space, just take your new found freedom, and keep your dignity, and self respect by giving her what she asked for and leave her alone.

You are not use to being single, so you have much to learn, and get use to as you build a life that you enjoy without her. There is a big world to explore, so wrap your head around what you do with yourself, and the friends and activities that make you happy. That's what you do when you find yourself suddenly without a partner after years together because who knows, she may want a second look at what she left, and if she doesn't then you will have a great life without her.

Takes some time to get use to, but worrying about what was yesterday does you no good, and distracts you from better things that are far more important to life and happiness. For sure, being an unhappy person, and moping around feeling sorry for yourself will gain you nothing.

Exploring your new world will bring you many rewards if you are willing to work for it. Look forward, not back. For sure you both have a lot of growing, and learning to do apart. That's what NO CONTACT is all about, healing, so you can make better decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings. Sucks right now, all break ups do, but hold your head up guy, so you can regroup and see what life brings your way next. It does get better.

What you think you are the only one who has loved and lost?? You will thrive, and survive.

Scirok · Jul 25, 2011, 06:26 PM

Thanks talaniman that helped me a lot and realizing this. I just find myself stuck on things I know should bother me cause I've alrdy heard it but it hurts to think of her with another person as stupid as it is it hurts A lot in places I didn't know could hurt I'm trying to stay strong threw this and be with my friends at all times to distract me from this but the pain seems to seep threw it all and bring me to tears I know in time this will all go away and the pain will stop I just need to find a way to tell myself she's not coming back so I stop having that hope she will because that only prolongs my pain and I know it does it's just harder said then done every free second I question myself why I let this happen and I just have to stop before I lose my mind

talaniman · Jul 25, 2011, 08:31 PM

We all take those chances and break ups suck big time, All mine did. We move on though until the next adventure life throws at us. Takes time is all. Good idea having fun with friends.