[omega_red_08]

First off let me begin by saying that I love this place. Lots of great folks and interesting questions.

My girlfriend recently said to me that she needed to find herself and had decided to move to another state. Immediately red flags flew up and I was speechless. We have been dating and living together for almost four years now. This all started when her and a friend went to visit some old high school friends in Florida. Ever since she came back, she has said she wants to live in another state. Her reasons were she wanted independence, figure her life out and wanted to get away from our "horrible" hometown. I have been totally supportive of her decision and want nothing but the best for her.

The less I seem to let her moving bother me the more she seems to want to stay. I still think she is going to move but she has asked me repeatedly if I will miss her and if I want to break up. I was honest and told her I would miss her and that I would not wait around for her to figure her life out. She has also asked me if I would start dating or what my plans would be without her and I honestly responded, "I don't know yet."

I have a feeling that the only reason she wants to know what my plans are is so if she ever decides to come back, she wants to try to get back together and not be without a place to stay.

I know this is another independence/need space question but in the other posts I read the person leaving doesn't want to stay together. I read the "What does it mean when your girlfriend says she needs to figure out who she is? post and that really helped a lot. I will not contact her once she leaves and I will find ways to occupy my time.

Any thoughts on my situation?

[ken007nielsen]

My my, not much help needed here - you pretty much figured it out on your own, well done.
A reason why she might be so curious can be many things, as you said yourself keep you as a back up plan, or just curious on what you want to do since you been so supportive instead of nagging her as so many people do when they reach the end of their relationship..

But you've got a great plan, stick to it and everything will sort itself out!

[talaniman]

You seem to have learned your lessons well grass hopper.

[artichoke]

If your girlfriend is serious about moving away, maybe she just really does just want a bit of independence and to make it on her own but still loves you all the same. Maybe she asked because she was hoping you would be keen for a long distance relationship?

Or maybe when you said you wasn't sure of your intentions when she has left, she got very offended and decided that the move wasn't worth losing you? So perhaps she changed her mind because she doesn't want to lose you. This will be EXTREMELY hard for her to admit now though, after saying she needs her independence. Just a thought.

But my suspicions are that perhaps she really does want to move, and wants a new chapter in her life. However, usually when people have to leave other people behind, they want to know they will be missed and were appreciated. You both know you would end up dating other people and moving on, but neither of you would have wanted the other to admit that, so it maybe just came as a shock to her that you were so blatantly honest? If this is the case, you need to have a long heart to heart and discuss that this is a new chapter in both of your lives and you enjoyed your time together but now it is time to go your separate ways. I have a strong feeling this may be the problem.

Or it could be what you said and she's just a manipulative so and so who wants a free ride when she eventually returns. I would seriously doubt that though.

I am truly sorry for your situation though, I can't imagine it is nice to be the one being left behind. I wish you all the best for your future, and hope you see this as a new beginning for yourself too.