[twizzler92]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating about 2 years now. We met at camp, and have been doing long-distance ever since. I'm 18 and he's 19. We made it through senior year in different high schools in tact, spent most of the summer together, and then made it all the way through freshman year at colleges 6 hours away from each other. We saw each other probably about once a month, for 3-5 days at a time, and it was hard but we managed.

We have always argued, but nothing serious, and even though I kind of cry easily I wouldn't be upset for more than like 20 min after it was over. Then he took a job for the summer 3000 miles away, and I visited him there. But when I got home 2 weeks ago I noticed we were fighting more frequently. I thought it was just because we were re-adjusting to missing each other. But the other night it got pretty bad and we both ended up going to sleep really upset.

The next morning I sat around and thought about what I could do to make for a healthier dynamic, and I emailed him about it. I decided I flip out too easily and could probably calm down about a lot of what we fight about. I was really optimistic about it. But we were skyping the other night and he said he was really sad, because he feels really bad about how he's been treating me lately, being so combative and stuff, and that he thinks it has to do with some serious psychological stuff he needs to work on.

So I was reluctant but we decided to take a break so he could figure out how to treat me better without having the opportunity to hurt me more in the meantime. But when I said I couldn't talk to him for a while, he was actually hurt and didn't understand, because he doesn't want me to go away-- he just doesn't want the pressure associated with being in a relationship.

Still he agreed not to contact me for a week or two, and then email/text me whenever he needed to. We also agreed that he would come stay with me for a few days before he went back to school in 2 months, no matter what, to see if things had changed. Before we both hung up, he told me he loves me more than anything, and I said I love him too. But then he ended up texting me that night anyway to ask if I was sleeping well. So I answered, and he told me he missed me.

Then I woke up yesterday and couldn't help but text him to ask if I could assume this was temporary, because I was having a really hard time. He told me "of course" it was, and that he missed me a lot and hoped we would talk soon. I know I can't contact him again for a while, it's just not fair to me. But I don't know what to do. Should I treat this like a break up? Should I assume he wants to break up with me? Should I act like I'm single?

He tried to make it clear to me that it isn't my fault, that I'm basically a perfect girlfriend, that he doesn't want anybody else, and that by no means does he not want to be with me anymore-- should I believe him? I'm just really confused. It's like he doesn't want anything to be different, he just doesn't want to be my boyfriend for a while, and I think being his friend right now would be really hard for me, since I didn't see this coming and was totally not ready to break up and I told him that.

Should I just try to get over this and move on, or should I really wait for him?
I'm just so confused and a little desperate, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

[talaniman]

I think you give him a week or two, and see what happens. If you both miss each other and work together to resolvee the issues, things will work out for you. Give him some time and space to get his head together, then talk.

Its hard but fair.

[twizzler92]

Thanks a lot! I appreciate your feedback, and it makes sense to look at it that way.

[talaniman]

Just have your own good clean fun with friends, and activities that you enjoy, and the time passes easier.