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Chidi01 · May 26, 2011, 09:47 AM

It all happened when she came around.I care a lot because I love her.do you think am being sentimental or selfcentred.

BMI · May 26, 2011, 09:54 AM

Sentimental?

Where?!

martinizing2 · May 26, 2011, 10:03 AM

I know you don't expect me to tell her.if I should do that it's going to curse serious problems in our relationship.I know her very well she's not going to agree to it.now am confuse really don't know if I'll use a prostitute or do the masturbating thing(ow!)but I think I can live with the guilt of cheating.am not the first.maybe I'll try telling her indirectly.

IF... it is going to cause (or curse) problems..? No if, just when and how big.

Maybe if you get addicted to heroin or meth you can shed all blame and say "The drugs made you do it.
and add it was in conjunction with the devil " and then nobody will blame you.
But you will have to look in the mirror every morning knowing the truth and seeing a weak willed cheating person looking back may be unpleasant.

And just a reminder, masturbating is not cheating as long as you do it alone.

Seriously now , all sarcasm aside,
I suggest you get some counselling because your thoughts you have relayed about your situation and your possible solutions (even with the limited information you provide) suggest to me
You need some input from someone anchored firmly in the real world who can get with you face to face and be professional enough to help you sort through your situation which seems to have caused some loss of perception .

Homegirl 50 · May 26, 2011, 11:52 AM

I have no idea what you're talking about.
I thought this was about someone wanting to sleep with your girl friend.

88sunflower · May 26, 2011, 11:59 AM

Your worried about your friend liking your girlfriend? You should be more worried that you wanted to cheat on her. Maybe your friend would be a better catch for her.

We have some good eyes here. Good catch Addy.

southamerica · May 26, 2011, 12:28 PM

If your girlfriend is long distance, I would think your roommate has little to no chance on his desires coming to fruition.

I wish · May 26, 2011, 12:37 PM

Before you decide what to do, I strongly suggest that you look at yourself in the mirror. Can you tell us what type of person you want to be?

Cat1864 · May 26, 2011, 12:58 PM

Why are you against masturbation? What is 'ow' about it?

JudyKayTee · May 26, 2011, 01:43 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Why are you against masturbation? What is 'ow' about it?

With tongue firmly in cheek it's "ow" because, among other things, OP is a human being. (Masturbation must be something human beings do not do.) : "but lets not forget am a human being that have feelings and urge masturbating is realy not gona work i know cus i dnt do it"

I once had someone who was not US-born explain to me that he "couldn't" masturbate because one of his hands was clean (for eating) and the other was dirty (for bathroom purposes). He could not use the clean hand (his right, and he was right handed) for religious purposes and was "not very good" with his left (the bathroom hand). I don't think there would be any purpose in making this up so maybe OP's problem is cultural.

(This, by the way, was more info than I wanted to know.)

Synnen · May 26, 2011, 02:19 PM

And somehow his PENIS would still be clean after going to a prostitute?

The problem may be cultural, but then the OP should just be waiting for marriage to have sex, as called for by his culture

Alty · May 26, 2011, 07:56 PM

If you're considering cheating then it's only fair that you let her know, so that she can cheat too. After all, if it's okay for you, it's okay for her.

If you're thinking about cheating just because you can't control yourself, then you should do the honorable thing and break up with her, let her find someone that actually loves her enough to keep his penis in his pants.

talaniman · May 26, 2011, 10:24 PM

You do nothing, and you don't cheat on your girl either. If you cannot handle your needs, then you are not ready for an adult relationship.

What, you think you are the only one to find your girl friend attractive? Guess again, many probably do, and wish they had her. That's life,

talaniman · May 26, 2011, 10:30 PM

We all have urges and needs, so talk to an older, respected, responsible man, and let him know your problems, IF you cannot HANDle them yourself.

When you start letting those urges control you, then you are asking for more trouble than its worth.

Chidi01 · May 27, 2011, 12:27 AM

I tried masturbating last night and I felt useless because its not working.I called her and told her that I was missing her and I feel like holding and kissing her and making love to her.she was like"oh! Baby am missing you too and i also want to hold u close and kiss you then make love to you but is not possible now,you are far from me.dont worry when i come over" {in 2months time}i felt bad about what I was trying to do but 2 months! God help me.dont think I can hold on.

emopunk7 · May 27, 2011, 12:28 AM

No... just wait for her. If you can't wait then you don't love her. How long till you get to see her?

Chidi01 · May 27, 2011, 01:55 AM

That was a mistake.being sentimental or selfcentred that was for my previous question.hope he doesn't make an attempt.

shazamataz · May 27, 2011, 03:03 AM

If you won't tell her then obviously you know it is wrong and that her reaction would not be good.

Maybe something like chatting on skype with her with a web camera would help you?
That way you could masturbate, but she would still be part of it.

If you can't handle not having actual physical contact with someone then I think it's time to break it off.

Cat1864 · May 27, 2011, 05:07 AM

Chidi, it doesn't sound like you are giving yourself a chance to explore your own thoughts and body.It sounds like you are going to have to change your perception of masturbation for it to work for you.

Masturbation is healthy-a lot more healthy than a prostitute. You are not taking anything away from your girlfriend.

Do you have fantasies or thoughts about what you want to do with your girlfriend? Build a fantasy world in your mind where you are with her. Let yourself get aroused. Explore what feels good like you would with your girlfriend.

JudyKayTee · May 27, 2011, 05:55 AM

I think OP is ready, willing and able to have an affair (or pay for sex) and nothing/nobody is going to change his mind.

He's looking for permission, not advice.

JudyKayTee · May 27, 2011, 05:58 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

And somehow his PENIS would still be clean after going to a prostitute?

the problem may be cultural, but then the OP should just be waiting for marriage to have sex, as called for by his culture

It's not about his penis. It's about masturbation and clean hand vs dirty hand.

I don't know whatever else that particular culture allows or doesn't allow. I only know what was said to me. I will see where research leads me.