[PunkRockHer]

Anxiety attacks have basically left hooked me out of the blue almost two years ago to the day.

My boyfriend of 9+ years had just proposed to me and we got engaged. My life was finally heading in a good direction as much as possible. About a week later while at work my hands started tingling, my chest was tight, and I felt dizzy. I didn't do anything about it that day but the next day it was still happening so I went to an urgent care facility where I was told I was hyperventilating from an anxiety attack. The doctor had asked me if I was under a lot of stress and I told him "not really and more than usual". I was shocked but relieved I wasn't having a heart attack.

I went home and discussed it with my fiancée and he reminded me that all though I don't talk about it that my life had been filled with many different forms of trauma and stress and it didn't surprise him that it had caught up to me. From that point on I have suffered from emotional stress and anxiety that is ruining me.

The first half of my life consisted of being molested after my parents divorced, my father was not around, my mother worked at night so she wasn't around, we moved from place to place almost every three years, friends committing suicide at 10 and 15 years old, the kirtrland cult killers were my neighbors, a school friend and his family was killed by his father, my step mother killed a 16 year old whilst drunk driving, I lost my virginity to date rape because I was drunk, dropped out of high school, was pregnant by my high school sweet heart and was extremely poor. That was all by the age of 16.

The second half of my life has consisted of parental illness. Both my parents remarried and all four were very ill at a relatively young age. My dads a hells angel and lived a hard lifestyle with his wife and suffered heart attacks and my step mom had suffered a brain aneurysim and never recovered mentalllly (karma possiby). My mother was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of multiple sclerosis at age 43 (she is now 50) which has caused multiple suicide attempts and religious delusions (she claims her children are not real and are the devil) and my step father has been battling lymphoma for about 5 years. It seems that my parents suffering has been merciless.

I don't talk much about the things I have been through or what I am going through and I never have. I have always been very secretive with my feelings and really lack trust in most people. I however have been very optimisitic in my life, pushed through adversity and have made a great life for myself and son.

I apparently have been dealing with everything I have gone through the wrong way. Why did this happen to me out of the blue? Will I ever be normal? What is the right way to deal with the things I have been through?

[valinors_sorrow]

I have had several anxiety attacks and yes, they feel EXACTLY like a heart attack. Very unpleasant. I too have sometime of a "resume of trauma' and the only way I managed to put a lot of it behind me is with professional help and lots of it. To be frank, it wasn't easy and as I was self employed for most of my working life, I have paid for most of it myself too. But without it, my life would not be nearly as enjoyable. I am happily married, enjoy my work and have too many interests and friends actually (but there's always room for one more). LOL In other words, to meet and know me, you would not imagine how messed up I once was.

The most concentrated help I had was over three years of intensive work on PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) stuff, but all total I have probably had the equivilency of seven or eight years spread out over a much larger timeframe. I also have been on and off psychiatric medications, am currently off, but I just finished another year of counseling too. I don't hesitate to ask for help when I need it, knowing now what I risk if I don't.

As they say in many of the support groups, "normal" is a setting on a washing machine. LOL But you can recover and have a very satisfying life, I am nearly positive of that. It just may take some effort. I hope that offers you a little insight. If you choose to seek professional help, I have a few tips on how to select one, if you are interested.

[Jeffrey Wilson]

One of the most effective tools I have seen is a weekend long seminar called The New Warrior Training Adventure (mkp.org). There is a version for women call Woman Within. I believe you can get to it through the MKP site.

There is an emotional reason for the attacks. Either one of these seminars can help you find the reason and address it.