[flipit09]

I understand that I'm going to be judged but I know who I am and I make my decisions for a reason but I want to know your opinions. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. During the three years we had a beautiful baby girl when I was 19 and I am 21 now... we've been through some hard times he cheated on me while I was pregnant,and after she wad born, he left his daughter and I when she was barely 3 months but decided to come back when she was 7 months, and now he has been gone for almost 9 months in another country attending college. Oh and I decided to stay w him because I love him and my daughter deserves to have both parents.There is no excuse for cheating and this is my first time cheating, I started having sex with his best friend on the 6th month that my boyfriend has been gone. One day his best friend told me how he could help me out because I was miserable, stressed, and lonely. After a couple months of a lot of sex we had a huge problem... we fell in love. I know that what I am doing is wrong and I am going to tell my boyfriend, excepting all consequences. The thing is his best friend makes me happy, making me feel things that my boyfriend has never made me feel. He respects me and my daughter. I want to know your opinion, do you think my relationship is worth saving?

[mystific]

Stop putting yourself first, you should be considering the welfare of your daughter. Leave both men alone and focus on what's best for your daughter and you.

Your new 'friend' maybe all that you think you need. What makes you think you don't deserve more? He is nothing but a crutch for a crappy situation.

Miserable, stressed and lonely is a weak excuse cheating on your boyfriend, irrespective if he done that to you. Two wrongs don't make a right. If anything you've fuelled it even further by doing it.

His best friend makes you feel happy because you were so down. You had 'victim' written across your forehead.

It's time to keep your legs shut, be honest and truthful. Not just for yourself but to your daughter who will in time be looking at you as her role model in life.

[talaniman]

You asked my opinion, so here it is.

I think you would have been better served ending one relationship, HEALING, before jumping in another in such a deceitful manner with a friend of his.

Things are great now, and you are even willing to accept consequences for your cheating. But what happens when the newness and the sex have worn off and the reality sets in? How will you handle that?

The old relationship still has to be ended, and the consequences paid, before the new one can begin. And its still a matter of the baggage from the old being unpacked.

Your question, is the old relationship worth saving? That's between you and your possibly soon to be ex. It takes two willing partners to overcome obstacles.

Not judging you at all, just saying.

[Jake2008]

I think the first relationship, which resulted in a baby, with you being only 19, didn't have a great shot at being successful. He cheated on you when you were pregnant, took off for several months, came back again, and left again, and has been gone for 9 months. Nothing he has done indicates that he is ready to be a steady partner, or parent.

That you cheated for whatever reason, doesn't make you a bad person, or a bad mother. But, it should be a wakeup call that the second man, the baby's fathers' best friend, is not exactly a good man, or choice for you and your baby either. That all three of you are cheating, and you say you love both men, is an impossible situation that is not sustainable, practical, or in the best interests of your baby.

An unplanned pregnancy as a teenager, doesn't suddenly turn you, and the father, into a loving couple, who are compatible for the long haul. His best friend is not a good alternative, simply because he was available, and you were lonely, stressed, and miserable. Neither man is going to fix that part of your life, that is something you have to fix for yourself, on your own, without their 'help'.

My advice to you is to stop seeing the second man immediately, until you sort out what kind of relationship you are going to have with the first one. Decide whether you want to be in a relationship after a good long look at your life with him so far. Try to start thinking instead, of yourself and your baby first; what is in your best interests. I think if you are honest with yourself, you will know that two cheating men are better off gone.

If you can picture yourself in a position of strength and independence in your own right, how would you go about securing your own future, and that of your baby. Would you be making plans for an education that would see you with a bright future? Taking advantage of the social services that are out there to subsidize daycare? Apply for student loans? No man will give you, what you need to give to yourself. To need to be loved by men such as you chose, makes you dependent on them, for all the wrong reasons.

You need to find, through your own hard work, your own future, under your own steam, and in so doing, you provide a stable future for your child also. Only you can do that. If, after you have accomplished what you need to do, a man comes along that YOU decide fits into YOUR life, you don't need to settle.

Raise the bar. Think ahead, get the help you need to get out of this rut, take advantage of what is out there to help you reach sustainable goals so that you can provide for yourself and your baby. While it may seem to be a daunting task, once you have help and a clear path to independence, you can achieve anything.

[talaniman]

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Jake2008 again.

Totally agree Jake, 100%, she has a life if she gets busy, and works for it, for her, and her child.