[xina112]

I never asked about my botfriend's past and even told him that I don't want to know but he is very open and trustful and told me pretty much every thing.
I have been in an abusive relationship with a married man and told him about it. No details just the information I thought necessary for us.
I also had other sexual encounters, (many I'm not proud of) and told my boyfriend in general. We have been together for 4 years now. Thinking of marriage.
But recently He is insisting on knowing all the details. Like the number of people I slept with? Where? When? How old was I?
He is also upset because he told me about his past and says I have to treat him the same.
He says that what I told him is not enough and that if I tell him details he will stop obsessively questioning me or feeling insecure.

I believe it's a matter of choice and trust. I don't believe he should know all details. My past is mine. I know that he is in pain now but I am afraid that he may not handle the details about my past realtionships and I don't want to hurt him or our relationship.
Any suggestions?

[amicon]

You're right,your past is yours.
You don't have to share details about your sexual history with him.

I see this as a red flag;and if he can't understand where you're coming from, I wonder if this relationship has a future.

[Cat1864]

You are very correct that your past is your past and you can choose to share as much of it as you want when you want. Neither my husband nor I know all of each other's pasts and we have been married 25 years.

No matter how many details you give him, it will not be enough because the insecurity is inside him. Each new detail will only lead to comparing it to what you told him before and any deviations will point to you being a liar and/or it will lead to more questions. It is something that he has to deal with on his own.

If he can't accept you as the person you are now without knowing all the details, then you can try couple's counseling or you may have to walk away.

If this is a recent development and he was okay with not knowing until 'now', was there something that triggered this behavior? Is he looking for an 'out' either due to being scared of the future or because he messed up?

[xina112]

This isn't a recent development... he always was curious and wanted to know... he used to manipulate what he wanted through emotional pressure... he had counselling and help...
Things got much better for two years until recently... well I guess we should head for couple therapy because I'm committed to this relationship and see what happens.

Thanks a lot for your replies.

[amicon]

Then do that,suggest it to him,and hopefully,he'll agree to go.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

This isnt a recent development... he always was curious and wanted to know... he used to manipulate what he wanted through emotional pressure... he had counselling and help...
things got much better for two years until recently... well i guess we should head for couple therapy because im committed to this relationship and see what happens.

thanks a lot for ur replies.

That's a better idea than any advice I could give you.