[mig323]

Hi! Is help what I need! I am a lot furstrated lately and a lot negatively emotional charged!
I am a male 22 years old! Both student in a science (too difficult school) and soldier. For my age I've been through a lot, other kids of my age are totally unaware of and that's a reason I can't communicate with guys of my age so easily.
In my 17s I left my home for the big city to study engineering, I worked a lot and different jobs to make ends meet (that putted my studies off), I gained experiences though from those jobs and mostly business contacts rather than friends. I have a lot of dreams that I want to chase that have nothing to do with engineering and I put so much effort on them that I forget other essential things.

I also have studied art and design and I have been an athlete for almost 7 years now. All this furstration till now have costed me friends girlfriends and so on. I have realise it but I want to live for those experiences and it hurts.

Back in my home town when I was a kid I was really depressed and upset (I think due to my overprotected parents) and there was a time I hadn't any friends (especially in my teens). Once there, I met a good friend from my primary school and since then I never left him. I stuck on him (literaly) and became a pain in the *** unwilling to. I was so happy to have a friend that almost got feelings for him. He started to pull himself away of me, and after I left my home for studies I lost him.
After 3 years of non hearing from him at all I tried to contact him. Finally got him but till now it seems that he doesn't want us to be friends again.
I considered him my best friend then and till now I want him so badly for my buddy, because here in big city I got many business contacts and no real buddies at all.
I found a girlfriend that didn't make me happy and we broke up. Now the army furstrates me, my school furstrates me, my dreams keep me busy, the friend I'm chasing keeps me busy, my parents keep furstrate me and I think I will blow up! Please need an advice!

Thanks for trying to read this

[answerme_tender]

Mig,

Its sounds like you are still mourning the loss of your first love (no offense meant). You put all your love into this one friend almost to point of you literally wanted him as a lover just to be closer to him.

You are experience frustration in pretty much every asspect of your life right now--personal,career,friendship,love. When we get so feed up, we start thinking back to time we felt in sometype of control with our happiness, and he was the only connect you felt true love with, so that's why you are dwelling on it now.

I would like to caution you NOT to pursue this at this point basically because you are right back to be the insecure,unhappy man that will only cling to him for friendship. Remember friendship is a two-way relationship--its give and take for BOTH, not just for one to take and take and take more. You made him feel uncomfortable with your total infiltration of being a friend.

If you don't like school, you're a big boy, go into something that is going to make you happy. If you haven't found a close friend yet, that could because you haven't put in enough effort on YOUR PART, it takes time to get to know someone and putting yourself out there to make it a real friendship!!

As for romance---again your going to have to put yourself out there. It may not happen overnight, but when you make the decision, stick with it. Also while Iam at this advising bit, let me ask you, could the reason you haven't really found happiness in your personnel life because you haven't taken time to see which you actually prefer, could be both. Again no offense, it doesn't hurt to bring that to surface.

Take care

[talaniman]

FOCUS. You are letting to many things you have no control over frustrate you. Focus on one thing, one goal to accomplish.

Why do your parents frustrate you, if you are in the army, and school? Was this your idea, or theirs?

[Jake2008]

It sounds to me like everything you have on your plate requires the effort and stamina of an entire team, not just one person. I don't see any balance between school, sports, the military, and working, and a social life.

Business contacts started that way, but, why are those contacts in one box. Are some of them not worth maybe a second thought as to friendship material? You already have interests in common, but what about who they are as people.

Is it time to put what used to be, this old best friend, out of the possibilities of a friendship reconcilliation? People sometimes keep in casual contact with old friends, but it is usually the newer relationships in your 20's that become life long friends. Especially if you relocate. It goes along with new location, new job, new interests, and, new friends.

It isn't easy to get to know somebody, but if you don't make the effort, you may be missing out on some very good possibilities there. Do you have time to socialize at all? If that is part of the problem, I can see why you'd want to pick up with your old best friend, because that was a 'known' person, as opposed to getting to know new ones.

You describe frustration with the live you choose to live, and that has cost you friends, and girlfriends. Is the cost now being seen as something negative, as in, if you keep this pace up, you'll continue down the same road. Establish a friend, or girlfriend, only to lose them because of your frustration at balancing the rest of your responsibilities, doesn't leave time to invest the work needed to establish solid relationships of any kind.

My advice to you is to take a good long look at the life you are leading now. See if you can't find a way to balance, adjust, accommodate, and ease up on your schedule, and set priorities with your time to nurture friendships. If you have to be an athlete, maybe do things that involve other people, like team sports where you can actually join a team, and meet people with similar interests.

If you don't find the time to make, and enjoy friendships and socializing, and put the work in to find ways and time to do that, you will continue to be as lonely as you are now. You just simply can't have it all without investing a little more of yourself, in a more balanced way.