Check out some similar questions!

Justice1872 · Feb 3, 2011, 09:52 AM

I dated this guy. He was caught still conversating with his friends with benefits. I asked him to stopped he didn't. Things ended badly. Lots of emotions and drama, because I wanted hold on. Finally he said that he did not want to try anymore, and that he wanted closure. Immediately I walk away, no calls no texts, nothing. He sees me, then calls and apologizes for how things ended and that it was all his fault. It took him approximately 5 months. Now he expects us to be friends, and hang out, oops and sex. Although, he says he is single and is casually dating but nothing serious. I still very much care for him, my heart quivers when I see him. He says he misses me and the fun that we had. I do not understand how they want out, you give them what the want, then they want to contact you again, calling, texting, and still want casual sex... Are there any men that can shed any light on these actions? Is this insensitive of him to do this to me? Opinions, should I cut it completely off, and walk away?

answerme_tender · Feb 3, 2011, 10:04 AM

My honest answer is: YES!!

Why waste anymore time on this guy. You know why your heart quivering, because its afraid you will go back to this idiot and break it again!! You deserve better, why go backwards keep yourself moving ahead in life!

Take care

Justice1872 · Feb 3, 2011, 10:32 AM

Thank You... That is why I made up my mind last night and sent him a final text stating we should close this, and for me it was too soon for us to be friends. I am feeling much better. Thanks again.

Wondergirl · Feb 3, 2011, 10:43 AM

You said to him, "We should close this...." Don't leave him any wiggle room with "should" and "may" and "could." Be definite. If he contacts you, ignore him and go your merry way.

I used to have a male friend who, when he would get dumped by a woman (as he often did because he was too needy among other things), would repeatedly contact her by phone or knock on her door. The woman would always hedge and finally cave in to conversation (yeah, he was a charmer). Once he had moved out of sight or had hung up the receiver, the woman kicked herself for getting sucked back into the "relationship" and re-dumped him. Meanwhile, he got mad at her for giving him what he called "intermittent reinforcement." He managed best when someone dumped him and never dealt with him again. That way, both got closure.

Justice1872 · Feb 3, 2011, 11:24 AM

Thank You Wondergirl... and this one too will manage without me...

ironhide262 · Feb 3, 2011, 11:34 AM

The type of behaviour presented by your ex , well, it's not just limited to guys.

Anyway, you said it yourself

I still very much care for him, my heart quivers when I see him

... I'm sure that he understands your nature. What he had, I think, when you were dating is choices and when you have choices at some point you have to choose... things didn't work out with "whoever" and now 5 months later he's coming back around. Asking for casual sex right off the bat is a big RED FLAG... if he cared he would get to know you, earn your trust all over again. But, he's not so.. bit of a player wouldn't you agree?

I say walk away! You have choices too, remember that!

mystific · Feb 3, 2011, 12:52 PM

curb
kick

and buh bye!

not even worthy of 'friend' value.

Justice1872 · Feb 3, 2011, 12:59 PM

Ironhide, I totally agree behavious is not cling to one sex or another. Yes, I agree bit of a player. Ironhide, if you can see this, what do you mean by " he understands my nature". How much I cared ? So he probably didn't miss me or us. LOL

Thanks Mystific, KICKED TO THE CURB!!

talaniman · Feb 3, 2011, 02:00 PM

Bravo, because despite him making your liver quiver, you decided you didn't want to date him casually, being one of no telling how many, and didn't want to have sex. That is your choice to make, and you made it. Now you have to cope with your feelings. That's harder than just say NO to a guy.

JustinRED · Feb 3, 2011, 08:33 PM

As a man.. I have to point out what a bastard this guy is! He's taking advantage of your caring nature and trying to ruin your life. It's pretty obvious this guy has issues and doesn't care about anyone but himself. If you continue to talk to him you're just going to fall into a spiral of never ending sadness and being used. You need to tell this guy to **** off.. seriously

Justice1872 · Feb 4, 2011, 03:30 AM

Thank you Justin for your comment. I am aware that this behaviour is attached to insensitive and selfish individuals and not exclusively men. I began to feel the continuous "spiral of neverending sdaness" and it was painful, but I will survive.

Comment on talaniman's post

Yes it is hard, but I have chosen to take one day at a time and deal with these feelings. I know that the power lies within me, and only I hold that power, no one or nothing else.

ironhide262 · Feb 5, 2011, 12:14 PM

Hi Justice,

What I meant was that he knew, despite all that has happened and after 5 months, that you would still have strong feelings for him. I don't mean to be blunt or trying to tell you that you are easily manipulated. It's always the most caring and selfless individuals that get preyed upon... it happens every day.

Did you date this guy very long?

At best all this guy wants from you is to be another Friend with Benefits while you, when you were dating and still now, want a serious relationship. As for ,missing you, well I guess he did at some level otherwised he wouldn't have popped out of the blue and said, "Hello friend, lets have sex!"... so, not the way you missed him!While you are struggling with your emotions all he is worried about is building up his clientel of FWB's... just the way he is.

Time to heal up! Lots of good guys out there!

Justice1872 · Feb 5, 2011, 02:05 PM

We dated 8 months. I guess that is is mode of operandi. It's tough but I will survive. Thanks, Ironhide. Your response is both insightful, and encouraging.