[gabias07]

My fiancé and I of 2 and 1/2 yrs which we've been together three years just had a baby in October. My fiancé has an Internet porn addiction which through my crazy post pregnancy crazies have helped me find out. Needless to say I was trying to recover an email password and low and behold 2 more email addresses pop up associated with our account. So of course I change the passwords and look in these email accounts which are his. One had a membership to plenty of fish a dating site and the other to an online hook up site. Deep breath... here comes the hard part neither one has been used or has even had an email opened in either of the email accounts forever... these memberships were opened July of 2009 which we were together and doing well so I thought... last his profile for the dating site is nasty and talking about dirty stuff which makes me irate... I don't know what to do... should I say something over a poor decision he made over a year ago and didn't follow through on... and ruin the holidays and possibly end us... or let it go? Help I have no one to talk to
Sad and lost

[Jake2008]

For your own piece of mind, I would encourage you to tell him exactly what you did, what you found, and that it has upset you. That's what communication is all about. Get it out in the open, so that you don't carry suspicious doubts about him. You aren't guessing that he was on a hookup site, or that there was a membership in a dating site. Those are the facts.

That you were together when he did this, is a breech of trust. Engaged, married, committed men, do not seek out other females for relationships.

It does not mean that you are suspicious, or imagining things, or being insecure. You should know him well enough to know whether you can trust him again, after bringing this issue out on the table.

You describe his use of porn as both 'helping you out', and an addiction. We tend to toss the word 'addiction' around as though it were a reason for behaviour that we somehow have no control over. Without further explanation, if he uses porn for recreation, or to 'help you out' by, I presume, not pressuring you for sex, that is quite different than the elements that would describe an addiction.

[talaniman]

Firstly, you should never be afraid to talk about anything with a fellow you intend to marry, and I would think that finding accounts like that on his computer that haven't been used in over a year would give you a good feeling.

I think this can wait to be brought up at a better time though, and hope it doesn't freak you out until then. That's the real key is you not dwelling so much, or letting your "crazy post pregnancy crazies" get you all hyped up. This should be a calm discussion, not a war. Pick your spots carefully, as it seems this was an innocent discovery, and maybe he was in the middle of pre marriage, pre pregnancy crazies.

Is that the only examples of porn you have? This hardly qualifies as an on going porn addiction if it is, and it may not be worth making a mistake that's been corrected, a real big deal when there is no need to.

Give this a lot of thought before you make it a bigger thing than it appears to be, all "crazy post pregnancy crazies" aside.

[gabias07]

I wasn't saying his porn addiction has helped me... I was saying my post pregnancy crazies helped me find out about his porn addiction:)

[Jake2008]

Ok, sorry, misread the meaning there.

I hope that however you decide to address the issue, it will work out well for both of you.