[gettintoknow]

Before dating this person we were really good friends for about 6 years with no sexual relations. He always wanted to and cared a lot about me but I knew he was still married and told him I could and I knew his wife really well. I knew all his secrets and his wife did not know we were friends and hung out. He cheated on her from the beginning but she did not seem to care much as long as bills were paid and she continued to have kids in hopes he would change. Long story short he wanted out but from his backround of family history it was "wrong" I talked with him about my relationship with my sons father and how it was difficult to leave however I did it for the sake of being happy and for my son in the long run. Being in a relationship for the kids only hurts them, by not them seeing love in the relationship and how either of us were happy. He moved out but is still married but you could call separted. We got into a relationship and its been great but has ups and downs. She found out because she had an idea and he told her. She contact me with nasty text messages and it was bad. Long story short he is still married but is and says he is in the process of getting a divorce. We live in different towns and his plan is to move here. They have kids together and she is just really trying to blame me for their problems however he as well as myself have told her the marriage was long gone and its best this way and she needs to find herself and stop being so nasty. So after a little backround they have to take their daughter to an appt and now she wants to travel with him and possible they might have to stay over. I have told him how I feel about it but wanted advice as to is this just plan not right to travel with her then stay over together in a hotel. He has stated its for his daughter and things but she is mad and nasty at this point and has done things before with putting the kids in his face to get what she wants. I feel as if he goes and stays with her I have to leave him and never look back?

[DoulaLC]

This is going to be harsh:

Their marriage stood little chance because you were in the picture from the beginning. No doubt you were/are a big part of their problems and you probably weren't the only one!

You said she didn't seem to care, but it sounds like she cared very much once she found out.

You are best off leaving him alone until, if or when, he does actually get divorced. See if he really goes through with it. Have some semblance of decency and stay out of the picture.

I am amazed that you even have the audacity to wonder whether you should tell him it is wrong to stay with her! Why weren't you worried about right and wrong before?

His not divorcing before because it was "wrong" with his family history is one of the oldest lines. I guess cheating on his wife and family was OK though? He says he is divorcing now, so apparently it's OK now, once he was found out.

Stay with him or leave him. If you stay, you can have a liar and cheater all to yourself... or at least you might think he will be just with you, how would you ever know for sure? I'm sure she once thought he would only be with her too.

Harsh, yes... but you and this man have been blinded by the whole situation because it served your needs and desires and you didn't give a thought to how it might effect anyone else.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you were there telling him how it was better when you left, you were there when he was even sleeping with other women I assume ( and again a cheater is a cheater) will you be as non caring when he is also cheating on you ?)

And of course he was "cheating" with you, on a emotional level anyway and you basically lead him from his wife instead of being there to support him and help him work things out with her.

Next you are a rebound and he may still even go back.

I believe in the long run you will suffer a lot of pain from the pain you have caused in this

[talaniman]

Can you not imagine your life with a healthy relationship with a healthy person? Maybe not, but this goes way beyond a nasty wife, who was betrayed by a friend while she wasn't looking. I hope she does divorce the lying cheating bast@rd, at least then he would be someone else's problem.

Don't blame her for trying to keep her family intact, that's what wives do, blame him for what he has done to her which seems okay with you, and blame yourself for helping him do it to her.

Blame yourself when he does it to you. And he will. Again I ask, Can you not imagine your life with a healthy relationship with a healthy person? , all you have to do is drop this dude and get healthy YOURSELF!!