[magneton1]

Well this is my story, I met this pretty lady, and felt I wanted to be with her the rest of my life. Quite unfortunately she was dating another guy. Then it happen, that they started having problems and I gave her shoulder to cry on.

One thing led to another, and we became best friends, then we started dating. Just weeks into it she started expressing worries that our friendship would be destroyed if we should break up.

Well I was willing to take that risk, but I also realized she was particularly attached to too many of her ex's, and found that to be a problem. Not only was she attached to her ex's, she has too many guy friends and didn't find anything wrong in leading guys on, so far as she is not sleeping with them, her words.

So anyway I considered all that and decided we should end it because I felt I wouldn't be able to deal with all that in the long run so its best I let her go now than to waist her time. Well knowing how breakups are I decided I was always going to be there for her despite everything , so for 10 months I had been there looking at her resume her day to day life with the guy as usual coming in her life and yes I can't complain because I said we should break up.

I still had hopes that her attitude will change and she will prove to me that she could do away with all the ex's and the guys she casually flirts with. I was wrong, but yet still I loved her so much and it hurt every time when I saw her gradually take me for granted and didn't realized I was back in the friendship zone.

I couldn't take it anymore because she started lying to me about she finding a new guy in her life all because she still wanted me in her life so she could do away with me slowly that way she doesn't feel the pain of losing me quickly. Long and short I decided after 10 months of being in the friendship zone to go NC because I couldn't stand the pain of watching her move on with her life with another guy and keep as just so she could let me go slowly, the lies also pushed me away.

Now after going on and off on NC , I have decided to stick to it , am now 6 days into full NC , well it hasn't been easy... my only problem is how do I maintain this whiles I live in the same neighborhood and go to the same church with this lady , I know when I pick her calls I will still be holding on to falls hopes, am a soft hearted guy and believe me its for me to see things end this way because I do love her but can't see myself being in her future, I must let things go , I must heal before I can establish any contact , but I miss her too, am confused WHAT DO I DO..?


PS: I HAVE TOLD MYSELF THAT I DID NOT WANT TO END THE YEAR FEELING ALL MISERABLE LIKE I AM RIGHT NOW , I WANT TO HEAL MYSELF BECAUSE OBVIOUS SHE HAS AND HAS MOVED ON SHE ONLY WANTS ME AS AS A FRIEND , JUST A FRIEND, STILL WANT TO BE HER FRIEND AFTER AM HEALED BUT NOT NOW... how long do I go on NC then ?

[talaniman]

To start with guy, chat/text speak is not allowed, or easy to understand, and the run together sentences don't help either. I did my best to edit this so others can understand it, and quit, since you are new, and have good posts otherwise but, and I hate to delete any further posting so please, at least do your part to help us all understand you! That goes the same for those capital letters

As to your problem, going NC is great, but add, be busy and unavailable when she calls, or texts you, or even if you run into her, as you rebuild your own life. It will take time to heal, but you will. Stay with it.

[ironhide262]

You take away anything that enables contact with her... you must have call display... ignore the number.Better, yet get a new number if she is not getting the hint! Pick a seat far away from this lady or go to another church( if possible).

No Contact... until you feel you have healed and you are not affected by her anymore. For many people, No Contact is forever. They may try to be friends but, most of the time it never works.

You did the right thing breaking up with her. She seemed more focused on her ex's and other guys more than the relationship. Something that would have eventually turned ugly anyway. Hardly, the type of person you should miss or pine over. I doubt she will change any time soon.

By the way... no chat speak please and it's hard to follow your post without proper punctuation. If you want peoples opinion you should try to be as clear as possible.

[magneton1]

Thank you for the quick response to my post, I am truly sorry for the manner in which I posted my issues, I have duly noted everything you guys have said concerning that and I will do well to stop the chat speak and so on .

Now back to the issue, it has been indeed hard to keep on going no contact because I sometimes feel I am being too harsh on a lady I love , but my attention I quickly drawn to the fact since she is a bit older done I am ( 2 yrs to be precise) , she will definitely move on quickly and probably get married whiles I am stuck in a friendship zone with her and still having high hopes.

I don't think I would be able to cope seeing her marry another guy whiles I am still stuck to her.

I realized she started taken me for granted and lying to me about the many guys that come in her life all because she said she does not want to see me hurt so the best thing is to lie.

I think I have had enough and I really want to move on , but my question is how do I keep on doing NC when I know in me that I am losing a best friend and someone I loved dearly.

Could you believe believe a guy proposed to marry her 2 weeks after we broke up? I remember that same guy was trying to make advances at her during the time we were going out , I told her to let him no we were going out , she told me she did that only to realized that he was still calling her and she actually didn't tell him we were going out.

I realized she became close to this guy after we broke up she didn't even care how I felt about it and to top it all the guy is in the same church with us.

What is the way forward people?

[gara]

Man we are here for you to help , and my suggestion is to stop contact with her , first my opinion of your story is , it's wrong to date some girl who was your friend and you knew she had boy friend , even if they have proplem women they don't forget their ex it takes longer time then us as guys , so man it's all wrong and you did good job when you break up with her , look for another girl , don't talk to her no message no calls no nothing just move on with your life , say thank god you didn't felt love deeply with her , I mean if you spent long time with her for making love about three or four month , you would be heart broken , but I notice from the way you was telling us the story , it's all about impression, so man close her subject no contacts just like I told you before and move on with your life.

[pandead]

That's why you're going NC. You will NOT see her getting married to another guy because you will not see her. Or talk to her. Think of it this way, maybe she will marry someone else and that guy will have to put up with her ex boyfriends still being in her life. Let her make someone else miserable.

Next step is your "battle plan." At least it's what I did. You focus on yourself (that feels so good, but it takes some time to "kick in.") I love making lists so it's how I started : I made a list of things I always wanted to do and never had time. I added things I stopped doing to the list, the ones I wanted to pick up. Or just simple things that make you feel good, like spending quality time with family, call your cousins who live in another city and maybe visit them for a weekend.

Don't give yourself time to miss her. It's the holiday season, make lists of presents you'd like to find for your friends and family, or go for a christmas card run, even if you don't buy anything.

You don't have to be like this, so don't allow yourself to be. It's not easy, but once you find your pace, it only gets better.

[magneton1]

Thank you gara and pandead for your many contributions which I find helpful, I know what I have to do , my mind says get out my heart says stay.

I am sad that I will loose a friend and someone I cherished and made my world .

I think that is one of the reasons it is quite difficult to let go .
I am always thinking of what she I doing and who she is with and how many guys she has on her hook.

I hate the fact that I sacrifise my healing to be there all because I broke up with you for you to treat me like just any guy you know

I rather not be there and see you rebuild your life with a new guy.

She is being selfish , she wants to keep me around and go out with the new guy and she rather calls me selfish for not making her move on with her life.

So rather let go and move on.

You know what she told me recently , I should not expect her to still come kissing me and making love (even though we didn't make love) when she has moved on and here am I still having hopes that things would not change . I always forget that she only wants me to be there as a friend now and not someone she will share her passion with , that hurts so bad.

I can't just go back being best friends as we use to be because now I love you, it is best I know I have lost you completely done for me to have false hopes. I know its over so why can't I move on with my life...

Her actions after we broke up hurts me day by day but I still kept being there because I didn't want to loose her too, I am so confused right now..

[gara]

Please don't be confused you are better then her ten thousand times man , don't be sad keep your head up , don't be confused because your love was blind and that is so natural but you was at the wrong place at the wrong time , please forget about her and move on with your life , don't remember that ***** , she doesn't deserve person like you , don't forget what I have told you before , move on, your heart get scratched , you are only hurt , and that much way better of being broken heart , or god knows what you will feel if that would happen , so man move and let her burn with other guys she is hooking up with , listen to rap songs it will help you , I will suggest for you eminem , he songs heal hurted person like you.

[magneton1]

I am up this late thinking why she had not made an effort to reach me yesterday. Probably she was with the new guy and really had fun so I never crossed her mind. Well, the faster I heal the better for me.

I know I will be fine I just miss her even though I don't want to be a part of her life any more. Being there hurts more everyday.