[Chocolateriver]

When my relationship with the guy I dated for a year started to get complicated I broke up with him. My best friend helped me make the decision to break up with him. A month later I started going out with my best friend and I thot it was the best thing in the world. I loved talking to him. When he came over to my house and we were making out all I could think about was my ex boyfriend. After that I just kept missing him more and more but now he has a new girlfriend. When I was talking to him he said he still had feelings for me but I don't now what he means by that. Serveral times I've thot about breaking up with my boyfriend but I'm still hoping that I can get back my feelings for him. Should I just wait and hope my feelings for my ex go away?? *** help

[talaniman]

Its called rebounding, jumping from one relationship to the next without a proper healing. That's the part you skipped. The healing. Soon you will get over the ex, but for now it will be hard to enjoy the new guy while you are going through the healing process from the break up with the ex.

Should you break up? Yes! I say that because he influenced your break up so he could get with you and took advantage of your vulnerable state of mind to get what he wanted. That's not a best friend, and no friend at all in my book.

Sure its great to have someone to help you through a rough time, especially after a break up, but being single and healing through having fun, and enjoying yourself with family, and friends was the better way to go, and staying in touch with the ex is always a bad idea because, he stays on your mind, and confuses your already confused feelings even more.

You also sound very young, and you have allowed a friend, under the guise of being a best friend, to influence you from the ex, and to him. More conflict and confusion and all that it does is delay your healing process, and keep the confused feelings around your mind.

Be single and heal, and get a better friend.

[jakester]

I agree with Tal - you completely skipped the healing part after the first breakup.

I don't know but could you be addicted to relationships and the thrill of being pursued, liked, etc. Meeting someone new and the early stages of dating is highly addicting to some people because they thrive off the "butterflies" feeling. But that's not permanent because that feeling gets replaced by a commitment and real love. I'm afraid that you may not understand this part of relationships yet, judging by the way you are behaving.

Read up on relationships and how to have healthy ones or else you may never break this kind of cycle you are in.

All the best.

[Chocolateriver]

I actually never meant to be going out with him in the first place. All my friends said that we were really good together. When I told my dad who my new boyfriend was he said, "sweetheart, uve had a boyfriend for a very long time. U just didnt know it yet." I felt foolish for falling for another guy so soon. It just seemed right.

[Chocolateriver]

My boyfriends parents wanted to know everything about me when we started going out and he isn't the kind of guy to hide anyhing from them. They were very upset when they found out I was atheist because they are very religious. I never thought race would be an issue because his dad is black and his mom is native american. Then they flipped out when he told them I was black and told him we had three options. 1. He become atheist (which really wasn't an option) 2. He break up with me 3. I become atheist. He said he was going to tell them he broke up with me and we were just going to be friends and they believed him. Is it cruel to let him go out with me even though he's lying to his parents? Should I break up with him?

[excon]

Hello C:

At some time or other, a young man needs to tell his parents to BUTT OUT. IF this is your bf's time, stick with him. If he's still a child, then I don't know if you want to go out with a child.

excon

[Devorameira]

Why would you even want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't even admit to dating you?

If I were you, I'd break it off before it gets serious. After all, when you marry a man, you're also marrying into his family.

[talaniman]

He gave you a very good reason to be single.

[Cat1864]

Today, 12:12 PM #5
Chocolateriver [?]
How do you deal with racism in a relationship?

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My boyfriends parents wanted to know everything about me when we started going out and he isn't the kind of guy to hide anyhing from them. They were very upset when they found out i was atheist because they are very religious. I never thought race would be an issue because his dad is black and his mom is native american. Then they flipped out when he told them I was black and told him we had three options. 1. He become atheist (which really wasn't an option) 2. He break up with me 3. I become atheist. He said he was going to tell them he broke up with me and we were just going to be friends and they believed him. Is it cruel to let him go out with me even though he's lying to his parents? Should I break up with him?

Did you mean that they want you to become 'religious'? You say you are already an 'atheist.

How old are both of you? Are you both minors who need parental permission to date? He should not be lying to his parents about who he is seeing. If they find out the truth, his and your integrity will be questioned and they will have a very good reason to dislike you seeing their son.

Quite frankly, after reading the whole thread after it was merged, I think you need to be single to sort out your own feelings and heal from the past. I think you slid into this relationship because you were at a low point and he was encouraging it for his own reasons. Take some time to develop a good relationship with yourself. It will help end some confusion and make you a healthier partner in your next relationship.