[kieranwong]

Hi all, my girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months, but were arguing rather frequently for maybe the latter 3 months - recently she went for a 3-week long trip overseas and we argued again while she was there.. and when she came back (yesterday) she told me that she needed a break from the relationship (I know this sounds familiar.. ) because we seemed to disagree way too frequently, and she needed time to herself to sort it out... she "didn't know how long she'd take" but she'd "give me an answer" eventually.. I asked "we aren't breaking up right?" and she kept quiet..
I then promised her that I'd give her that time, but sort of broke that promise shortly after when I asked to meet to talk about it. She obviously declined and apologised. Today I sent a cheerful message unrelated to our relationship.. and she didn't reply...

I know I should cease all contact from now on, because the signs indicate that she wants to break up.. yet I am still hoping otherwise because she'd phrased her request this way: "before we go for anymore movies or dinners I have to tell you something".. which sort of suggests we might still go out..

How do I know for sure whether she's seriously giving it thought or has already made up her mind? Any help will be greatly appreciated.

[Nohitter410]

First off if you want to be strung along and let her control whatever happens then so be it. She asked for a break so your response should be take all the time you need but don't expect me to be waiting here when you change your mind.

Why keep on calling and bothering her? She obviously made up her mind and you keep on pesting her and trying to lie and convince yourself that you are contacting her unrelated to the relationship. On this site you have to be blunt because people sometimes don't get it. A relationship is hard to keep look at the celebrities and people you know. Not often does two people stay together forever. It is a harsh reality and the more you push something that isn't real or isn't 100% there the worse off you will be.

My reccomendation is to cease all contact and if you decide to let her tell you it is time to go to movies and stuff then so be it. But you are setting yourself up for a world of hurt. You either need to start being more of an a s s to her and showing her you are a man and not let her control you. If happiness is by letting a woman decide what life you lead and the actions you take then I don't want happiness and neither should you.

Sorry to be blunt but I am not going to sit there and let you fool yourself into thinking what is going on is acceptable.

[kieranwong]

Sorry to be blunt but I am not going to sit there and let you fool yourself into thinking what is going on is acceptable.

Thanks.. it's okay please be as blunt as necessary - I just want to do the right thing. On retrospect my life did revolve around her when we were together. I suffocated her and I know it now, even though I didn't back then. Ideally, I'd like to let her know that I've changed... and that if we get back together I'd give her all the space she wants.. but that may be out of reach now.. it's hard to get her out of my system because my workplace itself holds so many memories of her.. not because she's my colleague but that's where I had many a memorable conversation with her online/on the phone/SMS.. and surfed the Net for gift ideas and stuff... I'd like to forget about her but she was there with me in many impt occasions in my life.. her "imprints" are everywhere..

Somehow I know I will get through this okay since the relationship was still young, and there WERE warning signs (increased frequency of arguments). But in the meantime.. I really need you people to talk me through this.. hope you understand and thanks..

[Nohitter410]

Life is a show me area... if you have to tell someone you've changed then to be honest you haven't because if you have changed you would know that you don't need to tell anyone anything

If they don't want to realize that themselves they don't deserve to know

Well there may be imprints but that is because you keep reminding yourself. Make new memories.

I am going through the same thing and no contact is the best thing for not only to have even a chance to get back together which in my opinion isn't the reason you do this but to work on yourself. I cannot tell someone to never try to get back together because ultimately it is your decision but no contact should be done for you to get into the right state of mind. You need to get your life in order and figure out what you want to do with it. A woman plays no part in that.

You are the only one that defines you no one else. Realize that now rather than later. There are many women in the world and you know what the uncertainty of finding someone else is why people hold on and have hope because they are afraid they will never find anyone better.

But to be honest you can't find anything better than someone that doesn't want to be with you 100% and asked for a break. You are telling me there is nothing better?? I know you had so many great memories and no one is telling you to forget that but don't convince yourself this is the best for you when you are having doubts. You have changed and so has she. Maybe somewhere down the road that may change but let her come to you and you better be far far away and working on yourself or the same problems will come again.

I urge you to reconsider and focus on you and no one else and don't let her enter your life again until you truly are good and ready and won't be hurt by her talking to you and you trying to figure out what every little conversation means. That tells you aren't ready. Please listen to the advice from others, I am not a relationship expert by any means but I can relate to you and that is all that counts.

[talaniman]

Don't get me wrong guy, but every broken heart sounds just like your. Nohitter has given you some good things to think about and I suggest you listen. The best thing you can do is tell yourself this relationship is OVER. Hard yes but so essential for you to get over her and see how pathetic you have become. You want her so much that you are willing to give up yourself. How can you have relationship and not have one with yourself? You can't, so starting today tell yourself that you will work on finding out who you are and what you live for. Stay away from her and do not return her calls. You must get a life without her that you enjoy, and find a love for yourself so you have something to offer to some one, one day. Right now you have nothing, but a broken heart. You'll know when you've changed, because you won't need some female to define you or make you happy. Until then the pain will never go away but the hurt will. Take the time to love yourself.

[ciarz52]

U nevber want to drag someone else througha relationship. Trust me, I just did, and I finally realized that we made better friends than bf/gf. We argued when we were togeher, and we never seemed to see eye to eye. If your not having fun and its too stressful, you need to get out