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offconstantly · Oct 26, 2010, 11:30 AM

Im going along with everything fine for 6 and a half years. About to get married in 6 months and all the sudden I start noticing she is acting distant from me. So we have a sit down and she says (which she has said before) she feels that I am emotional closed off and there is something missing between us. So I decided to go seek help for this and got some. At this point I am feeling crazy emotions and being needy (which is not like me at all). She started pushing further away at this point. So now I am acting depressed when we are together and want to try to fix it and she doesn't want to deal with it. I want to add at this point we both run two busniess and don't always spend the time alone together we should (mostly my fault from being busy socially). So I leave for a fishing tournament for 4 days and come home and she tells me over the phone she is staying at her aunts empty condo and needs so space. So I have had trouble the last few days giving to her. I want to talk to her so bad I can't eat, sleep, or work. I am going crazy!! Last night I saw her for the first time since. She acted so distant and distracted (I visited her at work where she told me to stop by cause I wanted to see her). I got annoyed and left. I didn't answer her text later and she text twice and then called I spoke to her when she called and she finally sort off told me she doesn't know If the issue is because she is broken or if she doesn't want to give anymore to the relationship than she already has. I know she is panicing because of the wedding but there is definitely an issue. I tried not to contact her today but couldn't help but to text her by 1 pm. I am struggling so hard to give her space it seems it will only grow us apart. I feel like she is the one and I can't be with anyone else or stand to see her with anyone else. I don't understand why she did it like this. I don't know if I should start to heal myself or try to stay open. I tried to ask what the real reason is. Is it physical attraction, She wants to be single, She could do better?? She doesn't respond. She just says she doesn't have the strength to go through this with me right now. All I want to do is fix it... What do I do. Just not call or text. Push harder. I am trying so hard but I haven't ate for 3 days. This is so crazy when I thought I would be with her for the rest of my life.

ITstudent2006 · Oct 26, 2010, 11:34 AM

Can I ask how old you 2 are?

offconstantly · Oct 26, 2010, 11:53 AM

I am 25 and she is 27 we are both mature. I run a large company and she runs a small one. Just want to put us in purspective

ITstudent2006 · Oct 26, 2010, 12:17 PM

Well I went through a similar situation although I was in the position of your fiancé. I was with my fiancé for almost 5 years. A year before we were to be married our relationship changed. I no longer wanted what I thought it did for so long.

I cannot tell you why, I guess I just changed. I cannot say that this is what is happening but it's something worth considering. The idea of settling is a big one, and it must be meant whole-heartedly.

I wish you luck!

offconstantly · Oct 26, 2010, 01:01 PM

She pushed me so hard to get married. It was what she wanted. I know that she said that the wedding coming up in six months made her think more. I just wish I knew if it were just concerns that we aren't perfect or she really is unhappy.

ITstudent2006 · Oct 26, 2010, 02:05 PM

Tough to say. Usually I would just say communication is key but in a situation where she wants her space, communicating might just make her more upset.

I would stick with it though. Talk when you can but don't force the issue, let her resolve whatevers on her mind.

Good Luck

talaniman · Oct 27, 2010, 01:59 PM

She acted so distant and distracted (I visited her at work where she told me to stop by cause I wanted to see her). I got annoyed and left. I didnt answer her text later and she text twice and then called I spoke to her when she called and she finally sort off told me she doesn't know If the issue is because she is broken or if she doesnt want to give anymore to the relationship than she already has.

I think she wants to get married but not if she has to push you into it. Your acting like a big baby helps nothing at all, and sets you up for the frustration of game playing where honest expression is your path to resolution, or at least some clarity. She doesn't feel you are doing your part in this, and she may be quite right.

After 6 years, what has stopped you from actually getting married? I suspect you started liking things as they are, and wanted NOTHING to change. Sorry to be harsh, but I can bet you like your freedom to do as you please and she never made a big deal of it, but when she was no longer around like a comfortable shoe, YOU are the one that panicked.

What had made you change your mind about getting married, before she did the emotional about face??

She pushed me so hard to get married. It was what she wanted. I know that she said that the wedding coming up in six months made her think more. I just wish I knew if it were just concerns that we aren't perfect or she really is unhappy.

Who would be happy forcing someone to marry them?? Why did she have to push at all??

mmresd · Oct 28, 2010, 09:51 AM

Seems like first order of business is eating, before you start analyzing the problem so that maybe you can start fixing it, run, eat, take a shower, and relax. You will accomplish NOTHING if you are thinking in a fragile mental state. NOTHING. When a woman says that she does not feel like investing in your relationship anymore it means that you have not been investing anywhere near how much she has. Sit down and talk to her, after you've had some time to yourself, relax and make sure that when you text, call, or preferably face-to-face talk to her, you are calm and collected since she needs to see the potential future husband that she though you were, not someone who is panicking. It's hard, but mentally prepared yourself and remain CALM. To me, she seems to want to be with you but is unsure if you have what she expects you to have post marriage and that you will be willing to work at her side, so you can start by talking collectively and calmly to her, showing her that YOU are in control of yourself. So see how the chat goes, and if something else arises we will be here to help you out with the next "step".

Good Luck,

Javi

offconstantly · Oct 28, 2010, 10:12 AM

Well we sat down last night because I told her I needed to know where she stands. We cryed and held each other a lot. And it felt emotional. We kissed goodnight and she had a big day for work so she went how and we said goodnight via telephone. She had at one point said she was ready to call it quits and I asked her when she was coming to get all her stuff. And she got mad and we cryed more. And she is like I don't know why I feel the way I feel. I don't want to make the wrong decision. I fell like I need more time but I know it's not fair. So it seemed as if there were hope to try to work and fix this. Now today. I text her this morning and wished her luck. No response. I go on face book later on and see had posted something after I text her so I know she sees my text. So I text and asked how things going. No answer. I also just noticed today which happened yesterday before our talk. All of our pictures are gone off her Facebook and she took down that she was engaged. So she had made up her mind that she wants to be single she just couldn't tell me. I am so confused after last night and I don't know how to feel. I hAve a lot of anger right now that she did all that and left me thinking she needed more time. We may or may not talk tonight depending on her work deal. I ready to bring closure or start working on this again I just don't think she is. And your right I have a trust issue and made her feel bad after she went out all the time. I didn't relize it until recently and I am working with that on my own. She said last night that she feels like she needs to fix herself. I want to do it together and I think she just wants to be single because we all know that feels good for a little while. I don't even know if want to marry her after all that she has put me through.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2010, 10:50 AM

Were you listening to her, or your own feelings? You have already put her through a lot, and that's why she dumped you.

Leave her alone to give YOU some time to think and reflect.

offconstantly · Oct 28, 2010, 11:36 AM

I am going to but at this point don't you think she should move her stuff out of my house so we can both heal? She is telling the Facebook community she is sigle but not telling me I guess she just feels to bad? This is the dumbest crap I have ever been through.

talaniman · Oct 28, 2010, 12:08 PM

She will.