[eruption02]

My girlfriend of 2.5 years all of a sudden wants some space. We have a 17 month old little girl together and since the start of the relationship we've had to deal with a load of stuff with her falling pregnant pretty early on and she was ill for the 1st part. Then we had to move in together and kind of did everything really quickly most couples would do over a few years. This year has been tough for us with money and stuff but we always had each other and were really strong. Two weeks ago she told me she was moving out and she needed to get her head straight. I helped her move out because I understand she needs some time but it's hard because we need to see each other for our little girls sake and when we get along I read all the signs that she wants to build bridges. One day she says she hopes we can sort this out and get back together and talks about us living in her new flat and then another day I get the feeling she doesn't want me around at all.

I want her back but don't want to seem clingy but I have to see her for my little girls sake. What do I do?

[chamlyn]

Read the tea leaves and be a good dad. Otherwise, move on with your life. She's either young and too afraid to admit she's made a mistake, flaky, or truly torn. In any event, she's not into you right now so be into yourself and your daughter. Stop trying to see what you want to see and see the real situation. She wants out. Make it friendly for the kid and move on.

[answerme_tender]

She has chosen to move on with her life. She has her own place, and I would guess going out with other people. I would pretty much guarantee she has this all sorted out already! Either wise she would have never moved out. But she keeps you in hope so she has a fall back guy.
You have a little girl together, but you only need to have contact, or keep all conversation pertaining to parenting. Don't even let her start a conversation about anything personnel, about her sort through her feelings,etc.. Just say take care and walk away.
Its time for you to heal and move on with your life. Its too short to waste on someone who doesn't want what you have to offer.

[talaniman]

Be a great dad, a cooperative parent, but have your own life that makes you happy so you can do your thing, and be able to let her do hers. You have to work through your own emotional issues and deal with them, and not be thrown off by hers.

Keep it about your child together and leave the rest alone, and out of the picture. Then you don't have false hope, unrealistic expectations based on mood swing or feelings, confusion, and the drama that comes with all the above. You might even be friends after working together between the boundaries of good behavior that it will take to co parent this child.

Any child benefits from two loving parents whether they are living together, or not.

[Jake2008]

It is sad that in less than a year of dating someone, your girlfriend gets pregnant, you move in together, and try to make things work as a committed couple.

Had the two of you known each other longer, things may have been the opposite; get to know her, move in together, then have a baby. I'm sure you realize this now, and I hope that you'll be a lot more careful in the future.

Relationships don't work, simply because there is a baby in the picture. Deciding when to become a parent, and then becoming one, and bringing a life into this world, will change your life forever. For you to now be with a woman who does not love you, and seems to not even want a relationship with you, is just something you are going to have to accept. But, the baby, is the priority now.

My advice to you is to see a lawyer, establish paternity, start paying chid support (court ordered), and have visitation in place, also preferably through the court. You and your girlfriend will only drift further and further apart by the sound of things, and is so often goes, you will only have access legally, through getting court orders set up.

While relationships come and go, and you have no way of predicting the future at this point in time, the only sure thing you know, is that you will havethis baby in your life, for all of your life.

So to avoid problems in the future, try to take care of what you can, now, and that is what is in the best interest of your baby.

[eruption02]

Good point