[CMALori]

MY boyfriend and I recently just broke up. We were together for 3 YEARS and lived together for2. We bothee love each other very much but he told me there is something missing and that he is just not in love with my anymore. I feel crushed I really thought he was the one I would share my life with. I have had break ups before but this one I feel lost. With this space will he realize he made a mistake and come back? What do I do

[Enigma1999]

He may come back to you, he may not.

Usually when someone says that they aren't in love any more, then they usually stay true to those feelings.

It's time to just move on.

Sorry...

[toffee_apple87]

Just give him a little space for now , a bit of man thinking time - me and my partner nearly split not solong back and it was if we were just friends for a coupleof weeks even though we hadn't actually broke up, and that really hurt because he wouldn't come near me or anything, but thankfully the spark has came back so this is what imthinking what it maybe has the love gone with him or just the spark, try and pick yourself up a bit and just show him the person he did fall in love with and maybe that will make him realise but don't come across as needy, no doubt in the near future you will have a big talk after his space and it can either go one way or the other, good luck and I really mean that as I know howmuchit hurts to

[Stringer]

When someone makes the 'move' to do something like this they are more prepared emotionally than the other person.

They more than likely have thought about this for some time and have considered the consequences. This process allows them to 'harden' themselves to any rebuttals that they are expecting.

Sorry but in most cases when this occurs the person has already made their decision and any discussions are usually simply made to defend that decision. In most cases there should have been some signs ahead of the his 'announcement.' Sadly people don't see beyond the moment and really seek change or compromise to save and improve the relationship.

Change is not always easy and is 'out of our comfort zones.' To change anything it usually results in our own positions on the matter being brought forward and the other position is not really considered until it may be already too late. At that point it takes a feeling of loss (or possible threat of a loss) for us to impose serious listening skills. This is really a shame when this skill can be achieved if you really care about our relationships.

Possibly the 'lesson' here is to listen with an open mind and heart if the intent is to save the relationship. But honestly listen and hear what is being said, this takes work and caring.

I have found over the years that men and women are really different but the same. The way that you interact is very important. For example; if I have a controversial point to make I always tell her that I love her, however I am not happy with something that she has done, said or is doing. That way you can focus on the point and not have the other person left feeling that you do not love them.

Building is the intent, building the relationship and communicating in a 'language' that you both understand. Learning how to argue is vital.

Good luck,

Stringer

[Jake2008]

It all boils down to communication.

This seems to have hit you out of left field, with no warning. That to me, is a sign of a person who either chooses to remain silent, or a partner who doesn't listen.

While it is true, and I agree that he had likely been thinking and planning on leaving the relationship for some time, it puts you at a disadvantage. Had you been aware, or had he talked things out, maybe between the two of you, positive changes could have happened before he made the final decision.

If he was that unhappy with himself, with you, or with the relationship, he didn't bother to let you know, and you had no way of trying to mend what could have been wrong.

That he has actually gone now, doesn't leave you much to do to address anything. He had options, but had only one goal obviously, and he is gone.

My advice to you is to not beat yourself up with trying to figure this all out. He gave you no insight, or indicated that he was having problems with, or within the relationship, or any information at all in order to inform you what was going on.

I'd let this one go, and be grateful you didn't have a couple of kids and a big mortgage with him.