That's unfortunately what happens, when two adults, don't fight fair. Eventually, anger, defensiveness, pride, and one upmanship takes over, and the argment turns into winning at all costs.
You went too far. You could have stopped yourself by hanging up the phone, at any time. You could have taken the high road and not engaged in any mud slinging in retaliation to her hurtful comments. You could have addressed issues before anything got to the boiling point. By the time the words came out, you were only adding a gallon of petrol to an a fire already established. It did no good to say what you did, and because you 'won', you lost it all.
I am not condoning her behaviour, and I suspect this method of communcating anger between the two of you is how yousolve problems and conflicts. No doubt you have been heading toward the final chapter for a long, long time.
I would most certainly apolgize. I would send her a store bought card, simply accepting your own responsibility for the very unfair comment about her father, because that was what you are responsible for. Then leave her alone.
Some people are just like match heads when they are together. Maybe too similar in personalities, maybe arguing is the only way the two of you know how to clear the air and resolve pent up stress and upset with each other. But no matter what, consider, after an apology, the issue is over.
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