[iiserian]

Hello!
5 yrs back I got attracted towards her in my tuitions,we chat only for one month and I don't know how but my love towards her increased gradually after that I never got chance to talk to her as she left the tuition but we daily met in school... due to my shy nature I never show courage to talk her but my love was now severe... as a victim of situations I lost my image in her eyes and she started avoiding me... this time I lost my confidence ,performance and became very rude and irritating .today I'm on the path of good carrier(one of most prestigious college in india ) still no confidence . No behaviour,and my love towards is now out of imagination ,sometimes I can't even concentrated on me myself, I have not seen her since 3 yrs ,no contact of anykind , her absence had created a volcano of love in me,, still I can feel her,since then I never visited , no parties,negligible friends , hate people,afraid of rush,, very discomfort with surrounding girls,, nobody likes my nature ,even my family members too .I forget how to live life... I m very much dipressed with this kind of life... even if there is 1% chance that I can forget her , I'm ready to live... I don't have any urge to live... I think I'm wasting time of this whole universe... I beg you to help me... this not a joke this is my bloody life...

[Cat1864]

This isn't going to be easy, but you need to change your thought pattern in regards to this woman. When you start thinking about her, change the subject to something completely different.

Recognize that she is and has been a fantasy. It is safe to 'love' her because you know it won't happen. Let the fantasy go and allow yourself to begin enjoying reality. Yes, there is a chance of getting rejected when you meet new people. There is also the chance of meeting someone who is even better than you dream that this woman is. Living is about taking chances.

Change your lifestyle and habits. Continue doing well in school, of course, but get out and get active in things that interest you. Make a point to meet new people. Give yourself permission to enjoy life.

[SamBuzz]

I'm very much dipressed with this kind of life... even if there is 1% chance that I can forget her , I'm ready to live... I don't have any urge to live... I think I'm wasting time of this whole universe... I beg you to help me...

Severe depression and negative behavioral actions three years after the last contact with this girl is not good.

You should consider seeking out a counsellor, either a professional psychologist, or a religious practitioner. They can help you make some changes in your life to deal with the depression and help you engage in some new activities that will help you get over this.

[talaniman]

You are being overwhelmed by your own emotions, and have not focused on building a life that you enjoy, nor coped well with your rejection.

Not to late to let the fantasy go, and get off the freakin' pity pot and stop feeling so sorry for your loss.

Because we get hurt in love doesn't mean we just stop loving ourselves and give up doing what must be done.

Yes its your bloody life, so get busy making it a good one. Maybe see a doctor for some advice out of your unhealthy obsession, and maybe depression, because you only hurt yourself by NOT taking care of YOURSELF.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like you fell very hard for her, and you are still not over her. Believe it or not, I was in a similar situation, and it took me a very long time as well, to learn to put the dream, aside, and free myself to live my life.

There may always be a very soft spot in your heart for her, and fond memories and daydreams of 'what could have been'. Sad to say, but this is in your past now, like any other experience you have faced along life's journey.

Where the danger lies, is in having this memory larger than life, and an active part in your life. Where all things in your daily life seem to gravitate to her. She is sort of a beacon perhaps, where you can feel safe and assured. A pleasant place where there life's ups and downs and disappointments temporarily disappear.

That is not necessarily a bad thing. Meditation essentially accomplishes the same thing in a way. To have peace, and to rest your mind.

But with you, I think that the dream is a little too much a part of your active life, and that you cannot differentiate between having a safe place to think and solve everyday problems, and living your life with her as a partner of sorts. As though there were a real relationship here.

There is no relationship, in the normal sense of the word. She is not in your life, and you are not in hers. It is worrysome to think that you have said your behaviour and attitude has changed so drastically, because of her. When truly she was never in a relationship with you long enough (or at all) to have affected you so deeply.

In a roundabout way, I'm suggesting that this might be an excuse, that you are using to justify not accepting responsibility for your life's mistakes, or to accept responsibility only for yourself, when things go wrong. Your behaviour toward others surely needs some work, and I hope you try to separate the fantasy, from the facts.

To really judge yourself, and your behaviour- and it isn't easy- you must put her on a shelf somewhere in your brain, and not allow yourself to slip into that place where she is responsible- for anything. It is only you that you are dealing with here, and only you can see how you are living your life, and what you need to do, on your own, to improve it.

As you continue with the pattern you have had, you are thwarting any chance at finding love, again. You have locked yourself up to not try, and although it is preventing you from moving on, you seem to be unable to find the balance you need to put the memories and the reality in perspective.

Thinking errors were pointed out to you, and cat has some very good points about that. And I think we all agree so far, that to get on with your life is to realize that you are going to find your own way, on your own two feet, and under your own steam.

If counselling is available to you at your University, why not check it out, and talk about how this situation is negatively affecting your development. Not necessarily an easy thing to do, but, I think you would benefit from it.

Best of luck.

[idiotraj]

Dude.. I'm also in the same situation trying to forget her.. I didn't have the guts to propose her.. but she knows I love her... I loved her like anything as if I didn't realise I became a fool in front of everyone.. nearly more than one year passed but still that idiotic memories are not getting out of my mind.. I'm trying to forget her but all the places around me and the stupid love songs which I heard thinking of her remaind me of her... its seems to be very hard to forget her...
My life is becoming too slow thinking about her.. my friends scold me why I'm always in a dreamy state.. she made me totally stupid in front of others..
BUT BRO LIFE SHOULD NOT CONTINUE LIKE THIS.. FIRST STOP HEARING THAT STUPID.. IDIOTIC LOVE SONGS.. CHANGE YOUR LIFE STYLE.. Don't BECOME A STUPID TO THE WORLD BY ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT IT.. YOU HAVE TO OVERCOME EVERYTHING.. DONT SIT IDLE AND DEPRESSED..

YOU HAVE TO SHOW WHAT SHE HAS MISSED IN HER LIFE... LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT.. YOU LOST A GIRL WHO Didn't LOVE YOU... BUT SHE LOST A PERSON WHO LOVED HER LIKE ANYTHING... LIVE YOUR LIFE.. Don't JUST END UP WITH THOSE FOUR LETTER "LOVE"..