[wm246]

This question seems stupid, it really does. I dated someone for less than two months, it was never even officially a relationship, but I really thought she was "The One." And if any of my friends said that to me, I'd tell them they were idiots, there's no such thing as "The One" and if there is, you can't tell in a matter of six weeks. The thing is, I've been around the block. I've been in serious relationships. I've had my heart broken badly before. I've been abused and cheated on by exes. I've also just had the general falling apart, this isn't right sort of break up.

So why this one? It's destroying me. I feel like I can't get up in the mornings, I can't look forward to anything, I can't be happy. Even though you can't love someone in two months, my heart feels broken.

I have high standards and this is the first time I met anyone who seemed to meet all of them. Things were great, feelings were mutual. And then, all of a sudden, she pulled back. We were "different" but she couldn't explain how. It was just a "gut feeling."

I let myself get way too emotionally attached too quickly, but now I can't stop obsessing. I want to talk to her. I want her back and don't want her back. Since we never got past that honeymoon phase, I can't even think of things I didn't about her - rationally I know she's not perfect.

I know there are many people out there in the world I'm compatible with and I will meet at least one and we will live happily ever after and have children and grow old together. But I can't picture it now, I just want to contact my ex (if she's even an "ex" since it was never official) and want to go back in time and fix things.

How will I ever meet anyone so great again? How do I stop obsessing over her and idolizing her? How do I stop this depression and anxiety that has completely taken over my life?

I know - keep busy, do things you like, indulge yourself a little, turn to friends and family. I can't even get up the energy to do anything like that.

Sorry for the rant and rave, I just really need some help right now.

[kctiger]

I think you are looking at this all wrong. You have a ton of experience in this department, which is actually hurting you right now, in my opinion.

After dating and being through so many break ups you start to wonder if there ever will be someone who can truly meet your expectations and your desires. This girl came along and finally did. This was it, this was the resolve, and this was a culmination of your life's work (dating wise) all right in front of you. Now that it is gone, you are wondering if this kind of opportunity will ever happen again. Will you ever meet someone this special again?

The question I have to ask is why don't you look at it the other way around. Now that you KNOW there are people out there that meet your "high standards" it should be a liberating feeling.

Grieving should be embraced to a point, so do away with the negative connotation it is associated with. But, after you are done grieving, remember what you've accomplished and remember how you did it.

[Shadowburn]

You need to read the book "Obsessive Love: When it hurts too much to let go" by Susan Forward. There is no such thing as "The one", there are many other people around who would be good partners for you, but you really have to look inside yourself and find out why you became so attached to this girl so quickly and why such a short relationship devastated you so much, because it is just very unhealthy.

You have to be realistic and to be able to accept that some relationships just don't work out, and it is perfectly normal to grieve and to feel the loss, but what you're experiencing - the profound depression and anxiety after such a short relationship - is not a healthy grieving. So start looking for answers inside yourself.
Good luck.

[positiveparent]

I agree that you do need to look inside yourself for the answers, however I also know from my own personal experience, you can fall In love with someone fast, I was married within 6 weeks of meeting my partner, and we've never regretted it once, It was for us the right thing to do it was and is what we wanted.

I also believe that some times some people do meet up and they know almost instantly that the person they've just met is the one.

I think this happens much more often than people realise, or want to even believe. I also believe in love at first sight.

Anythings possible.

Why did the relationship end, and it was a relationship officially or otherwise.

Who ended it ? You or her?

Why did it end?

Can you answer these questions please it may help with the advice you're offered.

Thanks...

Also expect the unexpected. When love comes through the door logic usually flies out the window.