[kctiger]

I think you have to treat breakups like this (long term, deep, emotional breakups) like a death. Erase everything about her, everything that reminds you of her, every form of contact, EVERYthing! For all intents and purposes, she is dead to you, for now at least. Until you have properly healed and created a life you enjoy, she doesn't exist.

[88sunflower]

I don't think you should blame yourself for her Facebook posting. For starters that's her problem for broadcasting personal issues for all to see. Relationship issues should be shared on an individual basis not Facebook wide. Personally I feel she posted that for you to see. I am not quite sure why at this point.

All the posts here from the others are right on. I would not send her a letter saying your sorry. I would write the letter but only for your own benefit. Write out everything you feel and all that you want her to know. Then shred it. Better yet, sit on it for some time. Continue to write and continue your thoughts and feelings. As you work on yourself you will see your writing style and attitude will change. She doesn't need to see this.

Space and time she wants then so be it. Give it to her. No one is telling you to sit back and wait. You go forward and be happy. Be a better man. Don't dwell on what could have been. Just look ahead to what will be.

[tango696]

Roger one-niner bravo whiskey. Well, at least I still got my guitar!

[Shadowburn]

I hate that Facebook thing. My ex posted his picture that he made for me, right before we broke up, as his profile picture. When I saw it, I felt like I was stubbed in a heart. I am absolutely positive he did it on purpose, he knew I'd see it and he wanted reaction out of me. So I'm done with FB.

Tango, you seemed to be strong and determined young man. I have a feeling in a long run you'd be grateful for that break up that woke you up and motivated you to become a stronger and better person. Good luck to you and keep us posted.

[tango696]

I will reevaluate my feelings and thoughts in a month. If I keep up my workout regime and my plans to get MY future started I will feel much better by then. Also, by that time I will be able to think about things in a logical, factual way... not emotionally. If I decide to contact her then and I'm a new and reborn man then the loss is hers because I know I'll truly be a catch then.

[kctiger]

Tango you're still a great catch now, I'm sure. Just because you aren't "her" catch doesn't mean you are this awful person. Sometimes things don't work out, for whatever reason. Yes you made mistakes but who doesn't? When my ex broke up with me I made some embarrassing moves to try to get her back. Still, I was and am the same person.

Bottom line, relationships end all of the time. All too often we take it personally when we are the dumpees.

[jmw0713]

Feelings change and people change. There is nothing you can do about most of the time. This was most likely a decision she made WAY before she actually broke-up with you.

Don't take it to hard... It isn't like you didn't try. She wasn't into the relationship as much as you were. Now, you need to recover and find a person who is a better match for you.

By the time you fully heal and make the inevitable mistakes we all make during this process, you won't want to talk to her anymore. Not because you don't care about her, but because you will get tired of getting emotionally screwed every time you do.

Advice for moving forward:

1. Stop talking to her
2. Stay off her Facebook (unfriend her)
3. Work out and get into shape
4. Try to kick your habits (if you want to... you don't need to change for anyone)
5. Go out with friends and do not turn down any social invites
6. Continue or pick up a hobby
7. Give yourself some time to get over this
8. TALK TO NEW GIRLS
8a. DON'T RUSH INTO ANYTHING
9. Get whatever you need in your life in order
10. Have fun!

[tango696]

I hear you jmw. A lot of the faults came because I became someone I didn't want to be in this relationship. I don't know why I did but I'm going to try and not dwell on it. We had talked before and things never really changed. Like I said though if and big IF here I contact her again and I'm a new man, then well her loss. I'm close to a major university and one that I will be attending. So if I contact her and get brushed off then I'm going to talk to the literally 1,000's of other cute girls I'll see on the daily basis. The future is bright for me my friends! With or without my ex.

[tango696]

Hey guys it has been about a month since I posted on here. Here is my previous post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lp-489900.html

Well, I have made good progress. I've been running everyday, working my butt off, and signed up for classes up at school. I did though set myself back a little. For some reason I set in my head this month timespan then I decided that was when I was going to call her. Part of the reason I think for this was I heard from our mutual friend that she still loved me but needed some time/space and wanted to see more consistency out of me. If you are unsure what I'm talking about you can read my previous post. I was smokin pot, not going to school, not doing anything with my life.

Now I tried to call her and left a message then I sent her a message on FB. I've stayed off that stupid site for this whole month until I decided to send her that message (apologizing and told her I'd be here if she wanted to talk). I still really love this girl but there has been no reply from my call or message. I know what you guys are going to say but I feel I need to hear it from you dudes/girls or get a girls perspective. I can't really expect her to talk to me within a month and I can't expect her to believe that I changed within that span of time either. She still has all our pics up on FB and is meeting our friend next week to go out. They never hang out its actually my older brother's GF so I imagine its in part to talk about me (maybe). I'm just kind of lost here. I miss the girl something terrible and I still feel bad about the break-up and the things I messed up.

I guess all I can do is give her more time but not wait. I'm in no way ready to date other girls and I know that and it doesn't look like she's been doing any of the same either. I'm just a little torn here. Why would she have that message relayed to me when she knew it was going to be relayed? She's not the type to play around or do games. Maybe she really is thinking about her decision or waiting to see if I stick to what I said I'd do. Hell if I know.


She also said to our friend that a month probably wouldn't be enough time and I should have listened. Not really sure if she's testing me or *** is going on here. I know she wants to be with someone ambitious and confident like her. Basically guys I have no idea what's going on and it sucks.

[talaniman]

Leave her alone, and keep doing your thing without the social page stalking, or getting progress reports from those around her. That's no good.

[kaka67]

Tango you have to make a decision for yourself.

Do you want in or do you want out?

The half assed attempt at NC is only going to come back and bite you on the a**. Who care's what your "mutual friend" says. Makes no difference, just, adds to your confusion.

What are you going to do when you read/hear that she's dating someone else. It will happen. Then what are you going to do?

Sounds like everything your doing is your attempt to show her that you can be what she wants. You cant. She's already told you that. You can run a million miles and she probably still won't come back.

You need to do things for yourself and only for yourself.

Go NC and do proper NC.

[tango696]

You guys are right as always. Nothing that is said to our friend means much of anything. Actions speak louder than words. Unless she tries to contact me there's no point in wondering what's going on. I've already done all I can do. Yeah I screwed up and yeah maybe she needs time. Also elephants might grow wings and learn to fly. If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it was meant to be, if it doesn't it wasn't meant to be. It's the cold hard truth and I need to accept it.

[tango696]

Well guys a little update for you. Basically a month after we broke up I contacted her through instant message wanting to give her a birthday card. Yes, I was still very emotional and all over the place at this time. That turned out very badly and she told me to F off basically and that we would never be getting back together. It was very harsh and mean but that was when I decided for sure that I had to go NC for myself. I had already apologized there was nothing more I could do so I accepted it. 3 months after that she messages me on FB saying she has some things for me and a letter came for me in the mail. She tells me when she'd be available for me to come and get it. Now I have no idea if this is really just to give me some stuff of mine back or some other motive behind it. The thing is though there's no way in hell I'm just going to drive over there and see her again to just get some "stuff" as she said it.

It seems a little weird that she would message me 3 months after telling me to F off basically that she had some stuff of mine. That and the fact that seeing her again would pretty much screw up all the progress I've made in getting over her. I know I screwed up a lot in that relationship, me more than her probably but damn I'm trying to leave it in the past. I've already apologized, I've already tried to reconciliate with her and that failed. I've accepted what I did wrong and that I did DO wrong and I've sworn to never make the same mistakes. I feel bad for hurting her and forcing her to that decision but things happen for a reason and if it was for me to learn those lessons then well, I learned them. I know there is someone else out there for me and I know I'll eventually run into someone. So basically guys I just want to make sure I'm going about this in the right way. I plan on messaging her back and saying thanks for letting me know you have some of my stuff but I don't believe it's a good idea to meet up to exchange these items. Anything I left at the apt I no longer want or need. If you think there's something that I would REALLY want to have back or NEED my home address is: yatta yatta yatta and that's where you can forward it to. That way if she really does have something's she wants me to have back she can send it or she can just throw it away. Also, I don't know if she has any ulterior reasons for messaging me and that allows me to prevent myself from being hurt. Seeing her in anyway would be BAD very very bad and I have recognized this. You guys agree?

[kctiger]

If I were you I'd ignore the Facebook message and move on. No response needed. If you needed these items that bad you would have pursued them 3 months ago. No reason to open wounds that haven't even closed yet.

[88sunflower]

KC is right. If you didn't need or want anything from 3 months ago then your not missing them and don't need them now. Ignore the message. Take her off your Facebook. Do not give her a response of any kind. You even said yourself it would put you in a set back. It would be bad. Don't do it. If its something she wants you to have she can mail it. Enough said. Do not look back, do not reply. You forget it and keep moving forward.

[talaniman]

I see you forgot to file a simple change of address form with your post office, that could have saved you the stress, so do it now and ignore her, after you have deleted, or blocked her from Facebook. Problem solved. You are free to continue your life, and not sweat the dumb stuff.

[jmw0713]

OK. Right off the bat, you are reading way too far into her possible "ulterior motive" for giving you your stuff back. If you don't want to see her, tell her to mail you the stuff. However, since you haven't missed any of the stuff she still has of yours, you could probably not even respond and forget about it. That's what I would do... Forget about it.

[kaka67]

Leave it alone and don't use it as an excuse to continue contact.

If you had gone proper NC and blocked her on FB this wouldn't of happened.(Cyber ***** slap up side the head!! )

Something tells me this is the open door you've been waiting for. But its going to get slammed shut hard and I hope your manhood isn't what gets whacked!!

[tango696]

I don't necessarily want her to have an ulterior motive Kaka. I mean deep down I suppose in some way I do but I've accepted that this one is over. I just wanted to get confirmation that I was doing the right thing. Yeah, I'd prefer to not reply. No good can come out of having contact with her and if she really wanted to TALK to me she knows how to. So yes, I'll do the change of address and forget about it. I'm actually just now starting to feel a lot better lately so I don't really want to have any contact with her.

She was my first serious relationship and it ended very poorly. Lesson learned, the next one will be better. You guys know the story. Thanks again for the help. Trust me, I don't want to go over to that apartment complex or see her. The only way I would even consider seeing her is if she wanted to seriously talk and called me and even then I'd have to think about it. LOL I've spent the last 3 months convincing myself that there's a reason it didn't work out, regardless of why. SO yeah, no forward progress getting stopped on this train. Onward!

[88sunflower]

Good! Now when you need support we are here. If you think your going to have a set back then we are here. Come to us first.
Most important when you find your new love we are here also. ;)