[strugglingwithfamily]

Been dating 5 yrs, engaged 2, have an almost 2 year old son. Im really trying to make this work. Trying everything I know to do. When we argue he says horrible things and threatens to take stuff away (car, money etc.) and has actually.

He is going through a lot at work but it always seems to be something. I do everything I can to ease stress, laundry, cook, shopping, keeping the baby "out of his hair" when he is overwhelmed. I'm embarrassed to say it because it sounds so old school, but I even dress up for him when he comes home a couple times a week.

But, I feel like none of my needs are being met. When I bring it up its always a huge fight where he tells me all the "horrible things i am" and says he wants to end it.

Does anyone know anything about "fighting mean"? Does anyone do it and can explain the thought behind it? Do you really mean what you say?

I cannot believe the things that come out of his mouth. Each time I'm devastated all over again. I know this must sound like I'm insane for still being shocked. But I am so sad. I love him and want our family to work. I just don't want my son raised in this.

Went to stay with my mom for a while and he just accused me of leaving him and not being supportive.

Does anyone have any advise?

[redhed35]

Your giving 90% into the relationship and he is giving 10%,at a push.

He needs to be remined of his responsibliites,towards you and his son,he may be feeling overwhelmed but what about you?

What about your son? His son?

If he is not willing to talk about what's going on,perhaps its time to reconsider the relationship,your not his slave or his keeper,he's a grown man,and if he needs a sharp short shock,then do it,leave and if he wants to work on your relationship seek councilling then you both may have a chance,if not,perhaps you will be better on your own.

[kutocer]

He will push you to the point of you not wanting to try anymore. You've put most in to the relationship with little to nothing in return.

I've been the man who he is right now and I can tell you now I'm not proud of what I've done. It's taken me losing the one I love deeply to know I had issues with myself.

Is he happy with himself? Is he happy with the life he leads right now? Does he have some sort of fear of rejection or abandoment?

If he is not prepared to talk to you then tell him you want a break or break up and that you need time and space to think about the relationship. It took that for me to find out the problems I had with me and to get them sorted. It may require something of the same for him to wake up and find out more about himself.

You main priority right now is you and your boy and you need to defend that with all you have got even if it means letting go of the one you love.

[talaniman]

Actually he has pushed you away with his abuse, and deserve a lot of credit for removing you and your child from this situation. Stay where you are and forget making it work, because that requires great changes on his part.

There are legal ways he can be made to support you and your child while he gets his own head together, and that may take YEARS!

Continue to protect yourself and your child from his bad behavior.

[Shadowburn]

You are in very abusive relationship, and I don't know is it worth saving - the way things are going, you'd be better off without this man.

Good luck with everything.

[1800proof]

It is an abusive relationship, and you don't deserve to feel that way. See if he is open to counseling. Sometimes, you need to hear things from someone outside of the relationship in order to realized what you are doing to your spouse. It may be the wake-up call he needs.