[armygrl04]

OK, I met this guy eric at work... for the longest time we were just acquaintances... and over time, not really sure how it happened but we became friends. He is 35, married with an 8 year old son. I am 25, single. Eric is a great guy and I really like him... JUST AS A FRIEND. Well, we've been emailing back and forth at work and we both really enjoy talking to each other.
Yesterday, I was talking to one of my co-workers and saw an email from eric in her inbox. I glanced at it and he is talking to her too. I mean eric is a friendly guy... we are just good friends... why am I jealous that he's talking to my co-worker too?
I mean, the he's married and he has a son!! And I'm not interested in him romantically? What is my problem? HELLP! :confused:

[rol]

Oh please get away from him!! he's married with a son, what are you doing??

[Tuscany]

This is a sign... obviously you have feelings for him because you feel jealous. Break away before you do something that you might regret

[Allheart]

Armygirl,

Relax (I think). I have seen grown women react the same way, if one of her friends is showing attention to another friend. If I call one friend, and not the other... YIKES. Sad but true. Is is more than likely the attention this other girl is getting that you are jealous of, not him.

With that said, jealousy in any form, or in any situation, is never a healthy emotion. I think that there are times you can be friends with the opposite sex and it be nothing more. However, keep a good ear out and ask yourself, are your conversations similar to those you have with your girlfriends? Is there flirting going on?? That is something I would think you would not do with your girlfriends.

I do believe office friendships can be okay and helpful and have seen them be successful in just being friends. Just keep in mind, and ask yourself, would you be having the same conversations with him, if his wife was standing there with the two of you. If the answer to that is no... then you need to really evaluate this "friendship".

[ordinaryguy]

Whatever his intentions are, with you or this other woman, the fact that you're jealous of his communication with her is a huge red flag concerning YOUR intentions. Time to back off from him and do some soul searching.

[Tuscany]

I agree with Ordinary Guy.
Nobody is accusing you of acting on your feelings, or being a homewrecker. What we are saying is that you need to be careful, being jealous is a red flag as OrdinaryGuy stated. Men and women can be platonic friends... I have many. But I have to say that I do not get jealous when they talk to or e-mail other people.

[armygrl04]

Yes... you all are correct... he's a great guy and friends with a lot of people. I've never had a problem with this...

I'm wondering if I'm just PMSing?? UH-OH!!

[valinors_sorrow]

I would be willing to bet that the thought of being the only one Eric was emailing was something of a subtle but powerful status booster for you. And so when it turns out to be more common than you thought... splat! Okay, so you made a wrong assumption, but what's with the reaction is a very good question! And worthy of a good looking into, I think. What you might want to look at are yourself esteem issues as they pertain to your work. Are you happy where you are in the office pecking order and if not, what constructive things can you do about that. I like to think things like this are good clues not to be wasted or chalked off to PMS. And if I am wildly off here, go easy on me Armygrl, okay? LOL Its just my best guess on not a lot of info and hey, if its wrong well... at least its free!

[Allheart]

Tuscany and OG, I definitely see your points and it should make one take notice and make sure the intentions are what they should be. I have also seen girlfriends react the same way amongst themselves, silly but true (been on the wrong end of that one many of times and I never understood it, but I always seem to land in it :(.

With some girls its just the attention and really have zero feelings, other than platonic. I have had male coworkers who would come to my desk and the other girls would just seethe. Yikes, how I wanted to just hide under the desk. They could care two fiddles about the guys coming by to say hello, or discuss a work issue, it was just the attention. I would do my best to draw the others into the conversation and that seemed to help a little.

But I do understand both of your concerns.

BINGO Val.

Even though PMS does "wonderful" things... you can not attribute it to that. To me, that lovely time, just magnifies and exsisting upset that comes to a head during that time.

So agree, self-esteem... Bingo. Having feelings of jealousy in any form may indicate a need to work on self. Really has nothing to do with the "freindly" fella.

[armygrl04]

Val~

Wish I could agree with you. I am fantabulously awesome... and I'm good at what I do. I just don't know why I was feeling jealous... I don't consider myself to be a very possessive person... I can tell you this much... I am definitely not attracted to eric! That's why I was attributing my behavior to PMS. But thank you for your opinion :-)

[valinors_sorrow]

val~

wish i could agree with you. i am fantabulously awesome...and i'm good at what i do. i just don't know why i was feeling jealous...i don't consider myself to be a very possessive person....i can tell you this much...i am definitely not attracted to eric!! that's why i was attributing my behavior to PMS. but thank you for your opinion :-)

I am relieved to hear I am wrong about your office esteem. That is good news! Thank you for clearing that up. I agree with Allheart though in that I don't think that jealousy is something the PMS can create by itself. I have seen too much not to know with some certainty that jealousy is the "pain of perceived loss" that activates a real loss from somewhere in the past. Find the old real loss, heal the pain of it and presto, no more jealousy.

Just thought I would offer it up for what its worth... :)

[Allheart]

Wow Val, I never ever looked at it that way. Holy Cow. I honestly got a chill when you I read your words. OH MY goodness.

Quoting Val:

" that jealousy is the "pain of perceived loss" that activates a real loss from somewhere in the past. Find the old real loss, heal the pain of it and presto, no more jealousy"


Val, of all the incredible things you have shared.. and there are many... WoW... that one is beyond amazing. Incredible. That would cure so many people. Incredible.

Val,

And we are reaping the benefits of all of that.. Thank you so much for sharing. I actually cut and paste and saved it.. I am walking around the house saying OH MY GOD. I almost want to cry (not sad). But it answers so much. Thank you (those words just aren't enough... but thank you).

[Allheart]

LOL Rol - No :) I am just the emotional type normally :). 2 funny I do get excited about things, especially when they are so incredible and amazing.. That's just me:)

[Makiavelic76]

Ave Maria Purisima, sin pecado concebido!!
WOW!! B.I.G. words

I wish the part of "find the real loss and heal it" would be as easy as this AMAZING phrase clear up so many things.

Is it jellousy (even at a low looooooow level) useless at all? Maybe I'm posting this because many of my partners acussed me of not be jellous at all with them.. :)

[talaniman]

I think, Army grl was caught off guard when she found out that Eric knows many people, not just her, but jealosy should always be looked at as a warning, a red flag to take a good honest look around, and examine self.

[s2tp]

Hey Armygrl04,

Welcome to Askme...

I agree with everyone else here by pointing the finger at the attention not being all yours, and that is what the jealousy is about.

You should find someone else ridiculously good looking to spend your time with

FYI that's an inside joke