[salebe89]

I have been with the same man for 21 months, moved in after 1month and for the last 18 he hasn't had sex with me! He's a very highly stressed and uptight person who hurts me so bad without the slightest clue he's doing it. I knew him a year before getting together, it was a long process but throughout that year we had a regular sex life... he was never amazing and never paid any attention to pleasing me... he has never seen sex as important. To be honest I've always been able to take or leave it and its never been my top priority either, the lack of the physical act is not what's getting me down, there are ways to please ones self! What I miss so so much is the feeling of being wanted, feeling attractive and feeling secure about myself. I am patient and understanding to a fault at times but even this is far too challenging for me now.
Aside from the lack of sex I just don't think we're compatible for the long run, There is an 8 year age gap, I'm only 21 and he turns 29 soon. He absolutely sees me as the one, the one for marriage kids settling etc etc but I can't see myself being able to do it... For the last couple of months I've been thinking of how I can leave him but I feel immensely guilty about doing it, I feel like because he has plans for us I should want them too... but I just can't...
11months after having no sex I ended up cheating, at a work party, I was drunk, someone was paying me attention, making me feel wanted and special all over again and as stupid as it sounds I just couldn't help myself. I felt bad about it until a couple of days ago where it happened with the same person again, this is 7 months on from the last time.
Despite my boyfriends faults he is a genuinely good person, I know he isn't cheating on me, I just think he's maybe different and see's relationships differently to anyone else I know! This is why I feel so bad because it feels like I'm leaving him just for being different, I know now that I have cheated for the second time that I HAVE to leave him, its not a one off and I'm not happy. I love him but I'm not in love with him... however I care for him so much and it'll be like I've lost a great friend... it just feels like we're housemates a lot of the time and I want more... how do I leave him?

[talaniman]

One way is to be honest with him about what you feel is going on, communications is the key for change, and adjustments, you both have to make.

Second is be realistic about what you have become as a result of moving in with a guy so fast, that had to be a big mistake after a month, as now your finding out things you didn't know before and don't like.

Lying and cheating is never the answer, as if you cannot work together through honest communications, then you just leave and heal, and move on.

Leaving starts with a plan as to where your going, then you pack, then you say adiós. But if you have been suffering in silence the last 18 months, then its not his fault at all, as he is no mind reader, so that makes you as much at fault as he is.

[talaniman]

salebe89 : Thanks for your response... No I haven't been suffering in silence, I've tried and tried to talk to him and he literally just will not answer what I'm saying. Whenever we argue about anything he will not resolve it face to face and if I bring up a to

If talk doesn't produce compromise, then you have already had a preview of life with him will be like. Is that not sufficient to make a decision?

[lovethemojo]

Well, the relationship is not working for you and now it is time to make some changes. Cheating is not okay and you should have been honest with him when you did the first time in order give him the opportunity to either accept or let you go also. I am in a sexless relationship as well, and no I am not happy at all. But I know that I need to let him go before I cheated as I am a firm believer that lying and cheating is not the best way to go. I believe in relationships, I just have not found that he makes me happy anymore.

I'm in the same boat as your self; however, I have been w/ my partner for nearly seven years. The problems started 3 years ago, when he came clean and expressed that he had a pain medicine addiction. He has been in a program for over a year and has been sober ever since. However, due to his health he has high blood pressure and depression. So he is on medications that have made him impotent and a BIG FAT Zero sex drive.

This is not an easy decision to make and it weighs heavy on my mind as well. My fiancé does not show me any kind of love. His daily routines are stagnant and pretty much one way. I feel that if I left, friends and family would think I only left because of lack of sex. But my partner should know me after all these years to know what it takes to make me happy, but yet does nothing for me in over three years.
Well I wish you the best and hope that you confront your situation.