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Ithappenstoall · Jul 31, 2009, 09:36 PM

Threads merged

I have been seeing this girl since November in Philadelphia, and have now moved to the middle east to begin a new job. The connection I felt with her is incredible and she is amazing.
My contract is for 2 years, so after that I should return. So far the hard thing is having to adapt to this new life. On both sides we told each other that we will make this work and talk and so for the moment it is working. On top of this she tells me she wants to be strong and wait for me becomes she has never felt like this about someone or cried over someone leaving like me.

Here is the problem : why do I feel weird about this, my stomach is all tightened and feels like I am depressed a little. Being pessimistic about this working than optimistic. I really love her and want to make it work but why multiple feelings.

Hope you can give me some encouraging thoughts, would greatly appreciate it.

To be clear the relationship started in philadelphia where I use to live and now have moved to the middle east

talaniman · Jul 31, 2009, 09:57 PM

Communications is the key, and having some well defined guidelines and rules about being in touch helps a lot. Two years is a long time, and makes it hard for couples to always be connected and to bond as you learn about each other on a deeper level. All relationships are a risk, and you have to take it or run for the hills.

Check out these two sites for some insights,

Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

I hope they help, and if you have any questions, just ask.

Torrid13 · Jul 31, 2009, 10:01 PM

Your feelings are completely normal. I had them when I was in a LDR as well, and I can understand the multiple feelings.

You feel weird and pessimistic because let's face it, not many LDR's work out. They just don't. Lack of trust, lack of physical touch, not seeing them hardly ever can take a toll on both parties involved, and more often than not, "Out of sight, out of mind" comes into play.

However, just because statistics are against couples doesn't mean they should give up once distance becomes an issue, especially if they really believe they love each other. I think it's great you and her are trying to work this out, and I wish you the best of luck.

Are you going to be visiting her at all during this 2 year separation? I would highly suggest it. Love packages, letters, photographs, little things sent by mail really help A LOT. It lets the other person know you're thinking about them.

And remember, if it doesn't work out, you gained experience, and will eventually go on to find someone that makes you feel all giddy inside again.

I wish you the best of luck!

Ithappenstoall · Jul 31, 2009, 10:08 PM

Yes I will try and go a few times during the year, and like you said we are committed to trying it work and are trying to remind ourselves that we want to do this and are committed. I just hope this is not early talk and we will pull through it. I just don't want to believe that it is you environment that determines who you end up with, and that LDR can work.

Torrid13 · Jul 31, 2009, 10:14 PM

The only thing that can show results at this point is time. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, and that you two really care about each other. Now you must put that to the test.

I hope that you will have the luxury of knowing they can work!

Ithappenstoall · Jul 31, 2009, 10:30 PM

Thx Torrid13. I hope it will work, as I have never felt this connection before with anyone, same interest same way of thinking same personality. Oh well time will tell if it is meant to be. Like you said if not I would have leant a great thing.
I hope I won't fall in the jealous thing if she goes out and what she doing.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 2, 2009, 02:23 AM

Its has been two moths now since I last saw my girlfriend and although it is going well I am feeling insecure.
I do not know why?
We have really spoken a lot about what we want to do where we want to take this relationship (marriage) and we communicated on a daily basis but why am I feeling pessimistic or down. We talk about having a family eventually in a few years and have all our goals set up together and I do get excited, but then when my mind tends to wonder.
I know part of being away will help us grow together and independently as we will connect on a higher emotional level but this reaction really is weird.
Does anyone have any advise please

talaniman · Oct 2, 2009, 07:59 AM

Stay patient and positive, and keep working for yourself, as the balance you have in your life, will help when those negative feelings creep into your mind, as they do to us all from time to time. Its normal to have them, what counts is what you do, or don't do when the happen. It's a learning experience that shape our thinking.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 2, 2009, 12:47 PM

Yeah really trying hard to not think about this... do not know why these feelings appear like this. I guess because previous realtionships didn't work out maybe I have become very conservative and careful

I wish · Oct 2, 2009, 12:54 PM

Is there any chance that you will see her within these 2 years? What about a webcam? Try re-reading the tips in the links that Tal provided in his first response.

Long distance relationships are extremely though, so you're going to have to put in extra effort to maintain it. You just need to stay strong and have confidence and trust in her.

Ithappenstoall · Oct 2, 2009, 01:05 PM

Yes, we communicate everyday and we speak on webcam often. I also try and visit every few months as much as I can but with work it is sometimes easier said then done
. I am planing to be back for good in 2 years at the latest so that will be great in the mean time have to toughen it up

Ithappenstoall · Nov 6, 2009, 05:37 AM

Dear all, some of my insecurities are rising now, I don't how to explain it but I feel it in me. It has been a few months now since I have seen her and although we talk everyday we are both frustrated that we haven't seen each other. She keeps telling me that she it is hard and I miss you more everyday (which makes sense) but it's the hard part that worries me. On my end I also tell her that it is hard but we both have been doing great and are communicating and sharing, and we both reassure ourselves that we still want to be with each other.
I get worried here and there, especially when she tells me these things . Is it normal ? Or am I being to insecure
Despite these moments, which lately have been more frequent, we keep talking about our plans for the future and what we want to do. Every relationship has its rough patches and I guess this is one of them right ?

I wish · Nov 6, 2009, 06:11 AM

One of the advices that was in the link that Tal provided was the speak less often on the phone, so that when you actually speak, it will be extra special.

You've been consistenly speaking with each other and probably going in circles with your conversation. Sounds like you're getting into each other's hair.

How about giving each other some space to cool down before talking again?

The other advice provided was that you should spend some time building your own lives. Your own hobbies and be independent. When you're both happier with your own lives, you will be more upbeat when you speak to each other.

slapshot_oi · Nov 6, 2009, 06:18 AM

This sounds like a burden. Personally, I don't think any relationship is worth hair-loss and stomach ulcers, you're bound to wreck yourself with stress.

Break up with her, since your admitted pessimism tells us you don't believe you can keep this up for two years, and aren't you like 8 or 9 hours ahead of her time anyway?

Ithappenstoall · Nov 6, 2009, 07:53 AM

I do believe it is possible, it will just take a lot of effort. I feel that my heart wants to but at the same time it is scared
Work is really making it hard for me, I was suppose to go see her soon and now do not know when or if I can make it.
I tell her that it is going to be all right and she knows it, she just admits and I agree that it is hard not being around one another but we both still believe

I wish and slapshot : I completely understand what you both are saying, we both do our own things, not stay at home and wait for the call, and develop our own lives but still miss the life we had together. She misses sleeping next to me and having me, and I guess the time apart makes you think about that. That is what make me feel weird is because I care too much for her and hate to see her like that.
I wanted to see if I could relocate back to the us but helas I can't for now

Ithappenstoall · Nov 7, 2009, 05:01 AM

We had an argument yesterday because I told her that I don't know when I am coming to see her. I was suppose to go but something came up at work. She got mad. Things are better now, I guess on the sport the emotions got carried away

I have strong hopes. It can be done, it is just work

amicon · Nov 7, 2009, 10:02 AM

Is there no way you could just make a short visit soon?
It's a lot of hard work for you both but I wish you well.

Ithappenstoall · Nov 9, 2009, 12:42 AM

I am planning to, but because of work I don't know when. But seeing her for two days will be better than nothing right

Can't it be done if you don't see each other for more than 3-4 months, I believe so right, all it is is will power

Ithappenstoall · Nov 9, 2009, 10:56 PM

My mom told me if two people love each other than no matter what it will last... I believe in this philosophy, what do you think ?

amicon · Nov 10, 2009, 12:35 AM

So long as both parties are willing to work for it, communicate honestly and make sure the relationship moves forward-yes in reply to your question.