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confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 10:37 AM

For three years of being together, we have a share of lots of fights and arguments, breaking up and getting back together again. We have lots of ups and downs so recently. He kept on telling me I am drama.. and I don't understand anymore, I cannot differentiate my feelings to a drama, even a little questions, even a little mumbling its all drama to him. We both have made big mistakes and forgiven each other, but him he kept on going to the past and killing me by his words. Last time, days ago, he just said, that he regretted having a relationship with me, I was hurt. All days, I was so dead. I asked him. But he said, he uttered hurtful words that he didn't mean it. And now he went to egypt with his brother without even telling me he left already, not answering my calls and not texting me. I don't know what to do anymore. We started a fight, when he told me his plans of going to egypt and will be back on Saturday, without even telling me when we were together a day ago. I was so hurt and felt bad that I felt I don't matter to him anymore. And that fight, he said, he doestn care anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to end our relationhsip, we have ups and downs togetehere, but this time, he just said, he regretted eveyrthing. I felt anytime he will end the relationhsip with me. Help me, I am almost dead thinking about it.

neverme · Feb 23, 2010, 10:45 AM

I think that whether you want it this relationship could be over.

He has been wholly disrespectful towards you both in his words and his actions, and this is someone you want to be with?

Someone who could say that he regrets ever having a relationship with you? I think the immaturity in this statement alone would make me think twice about the person if I was on the receiving end of it.

You need to start thinking about yourself in all of this. Is this relationship working for you anymore? Do the ups qualify the downs?

When you lose communication, respect, trust and comfort in a relationship what is left?

Don't base a relationship on a fear of being alone.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 10:50 AM

Thank you neverme. I don't know what to do anymore. Until now I am calling his phone, but he turned it off. Every time we are fighting, he usually will not talk to me, ignore me and at the end blame me for the fights, I never even do that to him, but him he is so hard. I end up saying sorry even its not my fault. I want to shout so hard, but I cannot, but I have to say sorry, because I don't want the fights to end so long. I am so much in pain now. And he doesn't care. He doesn't care about what will I feel of what he is doing to me. He knows that if he will turn off his phone, I will suffer.

I wish · Feb 23, 2010, 10:59 AM

This relationship continues to deteriorate and I suspect that it will continue to do so.

You're both hanging on to each other for the sake of hanging on.

Why are you torturing yourself? Make it a clean break and find happiness elsewhere.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:02 AM

I love him. I know I am so stupid of feeling this, but I love him.

I wish · Feb 23, 2010, 11:06 AM

Love is not the only factor that makes a strong relationship.

You also need compatibility, respect, trust, communication, security, affection, etc. You barely have any of these factors, if any.

Unless both of you can repair the damage, this relationship is going to end whether you want it or not.

Both people involved have to put in the necessary effort to repair the relationship. It can't work only one way. At this point, it seems like you're the only one putting in the effort, which makes this a one-way relationship.

If you've broken up in the past and haven't fixed the things that broke you up in the first place, then things will just blow up again if you got back together.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:14 AM

I know, I am the only one trying to solve some of the problems.I even I have to say sorry for the things I didn't do. And we even have fight when I saw him looking at other woman, and to the point of going back to take a second look, I saw him, and told him about it. He said, he was not looking, and just laugh it off. And then when he saw me turned into a bad mood, he got angry. And again, I have to say sorry for that. I sometimes felt, he doesn't want me to feel anything, not to get angry. Not to say what I want to say. Just do whatever he wants me to do. And still insinuating that he do a lot in this relationhsip. I am so feelign bad now. I am in pain. I hate myself. I really hate myself.

neverme · Feb 23, 2010, 11:18 AM

Listen to yourself, you know that you are the only one invested in this relationship, you are insecure, apologizing for things that you don't feel are your responsibility and generally making a doormat out of yourself.

You hate yourself? Of course you do, you are not being true to yourself.

Don't walk away, run from this relationship before you lose all yourself respect.

I wish · Feb 23, 2010, 11:18 AM

We all run into obstacles in life. But that's no reason to put yourself down.

Pick yourself up, there are brighter days ahead. You've done your part by making an effort. You fought for what you wanted, so you can be proud of yourself for that.

Sometimes, we can't always have what we want. That doesn't mean that you should beat yourself up. If you can't find happiness here, even though you've made an effort, then find it somewhere else.

There are 6 billion other people in the world, why not give one or two of them a chance? But before that, focus on recovering from this break up. Regain yourself self-esteem. You deserve better, don't de-value yourself.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:24 AM

I hope I can. I really I can. Sometimes, I am wishing that why did I choose this country. To end up hurting. From the time that I came here, for almost four years of being here, 3 years and some months I was with him. I know I am being weak. I really want to run. Run away from this place. I even sometimes wish, that I will not wake up in the morning, not to wake up at all.

neverme · Feb 23, 2010, 11:29 AM

You need to get out of this relationship it is destroying you.

You have the power to end it, so seize it.

amicon · Feb 23, 2010, 11:32 AM

Talk to friends and family,don't sit around on your own-you need to be around people now.

Find things to keep you busy-you will get over him-one step at the time.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:37 AM

But I don't want my friends to know what is happening to me. I am working all the day, trying to stop crying. I am so busy at work, inside the surgery room, but I can't stop thinking about my problems. Even after surgery I have to try calling him, its just ringing, not answering. I hate myself for being so weak. For being so afraid. I just don't want my family to know. I am alone here in dubai. My family not with me. And I don't want them to worry.

I wish · Feb 23, 2010, 11:42 AM

Stay strong. I highly recommend that you read the NC related threads in my signature.

Do your best to keep yourself as distracted as possible.

It's all about will power at this point. You need to prevent yourself from contacting, otherwise, you won't be able to heal.

neverme · Feb 23, 2010, 11:46 AM

Trying to do everything by yourself will only put you into an early grave, friends and family are there for you to lean on in hard times. Answer me this: Would you begrudge a friend or family member leaning on you?

Personally, I would be more offended if I found out my friend or family member didn't lean on me in a hard time, especially when your mental health is so clearly at risk.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:48 AM

I hope I can do all of it.. I really hope. But right now. I felt so giving up. I want to go home. And stay away from this place. I want to go home.

neverme · Feb 23, 2010, 11:49 AM

Where is home? Is it possible to go home?

You need to do what is good for you right now, that and only that.

Only you make the decisions now.

confusedMe1982 · Feb 23, 2010, 11:51 AM

I don't want my family to be sad. I don't want them to worry, they have already too many problems and I don't want to add up. And home is too far. Its not easy to leave my job here. If only I can just leave at this instance I will do it. I just want to be with my family now. Just be with them.

neverme · Feb 23, 2010, 11:57 AM

I really think you need to lean on someone at this hard time in your life. Do you have a friend you can go stay with for a while?

You need to distance yourself from this relationship as much as you can.

talaniman · Feb 23, 2010, 11:58 AM

>Harshness warning<

Look in the mirror, and see what this has done to you! You have allowed bad behavior and you will get more, NO DOUBT!

Cutting all contact with him, and not allowing him back in your life, will allow the dignity, and self respect, that you so badly need, to come back to your life.

Otherwise, stop complaining about what he is doing to hurt you!

Do something about it for yourself. Disappear from his life and get yours back!

Let him wonder for a change!!!