[imafriend]

I have been with my boyfriend a year now, I have never felt this way, I love him so much. It is both our first serious relationship, it's a long story and I won't go into detail but recently I've been so paranoid and jealous I've made myself ill, and the worst thing of it all, is that its over small things. Ive heard people say that jealousy is an illness and Ive started worrying for my own well being and our relationship, we have become dependent on each other and I'm completely head over heels for him and don't think I could cope without him. I know he feels the same way, I know he'd never mistreat me or hurt me, but due to past relationships of mine I can't help but constantly feel that doubt in the back of my mind. What makes this worse is I find it hard to express myself, and I sit up most nights crying myself to sleep (as cliché as it sounds) we've talked about it and he's starting to understand me more, and he knows more of what makes me tick (vice versa).

I just feel no matter how hard I try, and tell myself I'm not going to let the little things get to me, they do, and then I cause an argument. I hate to make him feel like he's doing something wrong all the time, because when he is, he doesn't realize/mean to. I feel selfish and controlling, and this is not how I was before we met.

I told a friend that when I'm not with him, I have nothing to look forward too and feel like my days aren't worth bothering with unless I'm with friends or working etc.. She told me this was worrying and said its as if 'i love him too much' I didn't think that was possible but now thinking about it, I do sometimes feel like the affection I show him (when I'm not making a scene) is 10x more than what he expresses, even though his is a lot.

I am confused and I don't understand why I'm feeling like this, I have been taking herbal remedies and sleeping pills to keep me relaxed but I don't want to feel like I have to depend on things like this, I just want to snap out of it and be able to relax its tearing me apart and I can't cope feeling like it much longer.

thoughts appreciated x

Edited

[jaime90]

You say you love this man, but love is not selfish or jealous. If you truly love him, make an effort to overcome your jealousy. It may sound weird, but whenever past feelings of jealousy, or doubts spring up, tell yourself the truth out-loud. (ie. When you are afraid he will hurt you, tell yourself: "my boyfriend loves me and would never hurt me. My boyfriend is my boyfriend, he IS NOT my past relationships." Counteract these lies, with truth.) A lot of times what we FEEL is not what reality is.

It is not possible to love someone too much. However, you can become unhealthily attatched to someone. If you think that you both could be WAY too attatched to one another, set up a night or two each week, where you both go your separate ways and hang out with your own friends. (Start out having both of you separate at the same time, this way, you don't feel like you're missing out on anything.)

Here is another good thing to think about: You and your boyfriend both speak and hear love in different ways. You say that you are giving your boyfriend more affection than he is giving you... This does not mean that he is deliberately trying to get a rise out of you, or that he dislikes you in anyway. It could just mean, that your boyfriend is speaking love to you in a language that isn't physical touch, or affection. There are 5 love languages- words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and giving/recieving gifts. While all of these should be a part of your relationship, it's a good idea to focus on each other's primary love language. If your boyfriend feels and speaks in the language of "quality time" he may be asking you to go places and hang out with him, when really, what you want, is a hug or a kiss. You may be giving him affection, when really, he wants you to hangout with him. Once you understand how each one of you gives, and receives love, it will be easy for you to feel love from your partner, and to give him the love that he really wants.

Don't give up hope on your boyfriend! Sit down and talk with him, openly and honestly. Also, it would be a good idea to relax, as I said before, and speak the truth to yourself outloud- it isn't easy to counteract lies that get thrown at you, especially when you feel so strongly for them, it takes a lot of disciplining of your mind, so start practicing up now. Try to heal from those past relationships that didn't turn out too well, and remember that this guy, is not your past relationships. Best of luck to you!

[talaniman]

It would help a lot if you did a lot more thinking before you act, or say things out of impulse.

Practice that, and soon it will be part of a normal routine, and you can get control of some very bad habits.

Your obviously getting carried away by intense feelings, and bad behavior from the past. The good news is the mind can be retrained if you practice thinking first.

So relax and think before you push everyone you care about away.