[Cristoforo]

Well of course I went against what everyone advised, as I often do, and I broke NC with a short email just mentioning how I heard about the tsunami warning and that I hope she is OK. I got an immediate response and she said she was scared and that's why she called me. She also said she hopes me and my family are doing well.

Now, I'm just curious why she decided to call me when she was scared? She has tons of family and friends, and she calls me? Someone who she claims she hates and will never forgive? Someone who she hasn't spoken to in 2 months? I don't get it. She is obviously still thinking about me in some capacity, otherwise she wouldn't have called. You really can't spin this any other way, I'm sorry. It is obvious she still thinks about me and probably still does care, otherwise she wouldn't have called me looking for comfort. Of course, now I regret breaking NC and I'm upset again. Back to square one again. I should have listened to everyone else.

Seriously, I'll go bananas if someone says that her calling me because she was scared doesn't mean anything. It's obvious it does. I'm trying to move on and if I were in her situation, I wouldn't have called her because I was scared.

[amicon]

What's done is done,so don't beat yourself up about it.

Back to NC-and get busy.

Leave her to heal.

[Cristoforo]

I will go back to NC, but its impossible not to wonder why she decided to call me if she was scared. She could have called her mom, her dad, her brother, her grandparents, anyone of her friends, instead she calls me, someone who she says she hates and wants out of her life, someone who she will never forgive. Even if she had no luck getting a hold of every family member or friend, it still wouldn't have made sense to call me considering her feelings towards me. It just doesn't add up and now it's got me upset all over again.

[CarrotTalker]

She is just trying to string you along while she makes up her mind.

[Cristoforo]

It just sucks because it shows me that every thing is on her terms, when she wants to call, she'll call like its no big deal. When I want to talk to her, NO, that isn't possible, she says no.

She never called to see how me or my dad was, she only called because she wanted something. She wanted to be comforted and knew I had always been there for her.

Its called selfishness and I'm glad I see it. She's just plain selfish. Doesn't care that I'm trying to heal and thinks its no big deal to call me when SHE is scared and wants something.

[CarrotTalker]

Exactly. Think of all the times since your breakup that you have been miserable, anxious, or scared. Was she there for you? NO.

[talaniman]

Its your reaction that has been at the heart of the advice we give about NC. It happens all the time as any contact triggers feelings of confusion, anger, and regret.

You start wondering everything and think it means something.

Stick to NC, and save yourself the misery and drama.

[Cristoforo]

Well its been a month since I last posted and thought I would give an update. My emotions have been day to day, sometimes I feel happy and excited about life, other days the complete opposite.

I mentioned how NC was broken when she called me a month ago because she was scared. Well, last week, after a night of drinking with some friends, I was stupid and called her and left a message basically telling her I still love her and I hope she is doing well in Hawaii, and that I'll always love her, etc. Well yesterday I got an email response from her that said:

"Hey,

I got your message the other night. I know you were drunk, but I didn't want you to think that I didn't care enough to respond. I hope you are doing well as well. It is very sad for me to think about our relationship...it is why I moved to Hawaii to try and get over things and to forget how sad I was. I know you love me and I will always love you...but our relationship especially at the end really hurt me in ways that I can't even explain and changed me. I feel lost alot of the time and unsure of so much....I need to heal and I think that it would be best if you could try and not call me or email me and leave messages like that. I know you didn't mean too and that you were drunk, but it would be best for me to not hear things like that. Otherwise, I hope you are doing well and I would hope that we can eventually have normal conversations and be friends. Hope you have a Happy Easter. "

It was a heartfealt email and I know she still cares and that she doesn't really hate me like I thought, but she just needs to heal, the same way I do. I'm not going to make anymore mistakes and break NC like that. I don't know about the last part, I can't really imagine us ever being friends, so maybe that is wishful thinking on her part. The email made me pretty sad though. This is why you don't break NC. Back to NC I go.

[amicon]

Back you go-lesson learned.

Leave each other alone to heal.

[pandead]

Back you go-lesson learned.

Leave each other alone to heal.

That simple.

[Cat1864]

This is why you don't break NC. Back to NC I go.

Back to NC and healing. :)

Maybe now you can focus on the future.

Good luck.

[Newguy2009]

Finally got through 18 pages of this saga! It appears you are doing well. We all have setbacks, it's the self control we have to work on.

Like I've said before to others. When you think about her, you have to learn to "turn the channel". Its not easy but every time I think of my ex I force myself to change the channel in my brain to something more pleasant. Its not easy at first but as you learn to control yourself, the remote becomes second nature and auto programed to go to another station when that one pops up

At least she was polite and honest about it.

Leave her be and get on with YOUR life. That's what's important now.

Best of luck! NC

[Cristoforo]

After he email which I did not respond to... she called twice in the last week. The first time she left a message saying she was calling to see how I was doing and to call her back, the second time, her message was just music in the background. I don't understand, she says she needs to heal and asks me to not call her or leave her messages, then she turns right around and calls me twice in a week. What do I do? Call her back, email her, or do I just stick to NC and ignore it?

[CarrotTalker]

"just stick to NC and ignore it"

[Cristoforo]

I guess that's what I will do then. Thanks!

[Cristoforo]

She called and left a 3 minute sob message about how much she misses me. How she misses me more than anything. And how she hates how things turned out. She was crying the whole time. She said she will never love anyone as much as she loved me. The whole message was just her crying and saying she misses me. And she said she thinks about me every day and just feels broken all the time. Her message really made me sad. What do I do? Should I stay NC? I know that is what everyone says but I feel so bad for her because she sounded so upset and sad.

[talaniman]

What if she is just trying to keep you as a friend until she has healed and you get caught up in all those hopeful feelings again? Yes she is upset, but would it be worth it to get back on the same merry go round and start chasing and begging again? Those are the things you should think about, because if she just wants you for an emotional tampon to ease her loneliness or boredom, like a girl friend, are you okay with that?

I think you reread your own post of a year yesterday, and find out where your at NOW, before you give in to curiosity, false hope, or tears.

[Cristoforo]

Honestly, looking back on everything, I realize our relationship was toxic and there were a lot of red flags, even though there were numerous times when things were great. The bad outweighed the good though. I honestly got scared when I listened to this message because I thought it was a step towards her wanting to get back together. I don't know that I would. Part of me feels like I need to move on for good and find something better, but another part of me feels like maybe I am meant to be with her and if she would ever want to get back together at some point and I refuse, that I will regret. I struggle with the back and forth emotions every day.

But as time passes, I feel more and more confident that there is a stronger, deeper, healthier, and more mature love out there for me. And that my ex is my ex for a reason. It's been a year and I've barely moved on and that needs to change!

[jmw0713]

I think she is lonely. She moved all the way to Hawaii to essentially escape her problems and now may be having second thoughts about all of this. She is sending conflicting signals. She emails you and tells you that she doesn't want you to contact her anymore, then she leaves a sobbing message on your phone. You both need to stop. She is getting confused and you are getting confused.

You have to think about this rationally and look back at the past year of events to see how and why you got here. I can almost guarantee you will find the answers you are looking for yourself if you make an honest effort to reflect on the situation.

She needs to do the same. This situation did not develop over night. She chose to move away for a reason. The wedding was called off for a reason. You both made mistakes and now have to face the reality of a situation that most likely is beyond repair.

It's tough to truly move on and leave someone who you truly loved behind. It is a constant struggle that you have deal with ever day. My own situation is somewhat similar and I'm still battling those ghosts on a weekly basis... However, I also keep looking forward and know I have the strength and courage to move on and find someone who will fit me better. You need to find that strength and let the past be the past. It sucks, but it is the only way.

Remember, actions speak louder than words, and the only thing you are getting from her is whole bunch of words. Unless she specifically tells you she wants you back and wants to work this out, then she is just feeding your false hope.

[amicon]

I think you ignore the message and keep healing.

Whatever her reasons for calling were,you're better off moving forward with your own life.