[dannyw13]

Hi There

I'm messeging to find out what is going through my gf's mind

Thursday the 26th she phoned me and told me she wanted to end it, I wasn't expecting that. We talked and the conversation got better, went on msn and talked that night was all OK, Friday back with her friends she spiralled back down and started texting me why she can't go on anymore, it was all sorts of reasons, long distance, feelings for me have faded and all. Worst day of my life. Saturday morning I rang and I will admit I was in tears and I spoke to her how unreal it is and that and she started crying as well and apologised for what she'd done and she don't know why she started it all and she wanted me to come down the next day, we spoke for 3 hours. Later that night when she met with her friends she sent me a text saying that she couldn't do tomorrow as she promised her friend, I called her and I could hear her friends and she wasn't having any of it, I admit I was nearly begging her. After that we had no contact what so ever. Tuesday we spoke on msn and it wasn't too bad, I said we have to do this face2face and she said it had already been done but she knew what I meant. I mentioned maybe this Sunday she said yeah perhaps. Now I've had no contact with her since.

What I don't understand is that the weekend before this all happened we were so close, and we were talking about spending new years at mine and celebreating it was her idea, 2 days after we ordered train tickets and imax tickets together on the phone, then 2 days later this happens.

What is going on? I am left with no answers, I haven't done anything, 2 years down the drain just like that is painful.

Could someone enlighten me please?

Sorry for the long novel

Dan

[Devorameira]

Sorry about your break-up. It sounds like you really care a lot for her. This isn't an easy one to answer without any further background. You say you were happy one day and broken up the next. Is it possible that you were the only one who was really happy? Think back, were there any signs that your girl was less than ecstatic in your relationship? Be honest. Were there clues that you either chose to ignore or that you can only see when you look back? There could be several reasons why an otherwise good thing suddenly ends. Here's just some maybe's:

Maybe she was unable to deal with her feelings. Maybe she's running away from a good thing rather than wait around for it to turn sour. If you think that may be the problem, don't give chase because this will only fuel her fight or flight instinct. Instead kick back and be patient.

Maybe she's dealing with her own personal crisis/issues that have little or nothing to do with you. If this is the case the only thing you can do is relax and wait it out. There's an old cliché “if you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours forever, if it doesn't it never was” that has a ring of truth. If your happy relationship was cut short by fate all you can do is hope that fate will again intervene and that when it does the outcome will be more favorable.

Maybe she just doesn't feel for you the way you thought she did. Insensitivity/selfishness aside it is possible that you were so caught up in your own joy of being in love that you failed to see your feelings were not being returned. It happens and it doesn't make you a bad or naive person. No big deal. Basically, this is just one of those cruel ironies of life that happens to everyone. Suck it up and let things go. It is the only way.

I wish I could give you a definite answer, but only you know the true depth of what went on in your relationship. I would suggest backing completely away from her and stopping all contact. Good luck!

------------------------------------------


Some people think that it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.

If you can't save the relationship, at least save your pride.

[Misshersomuch]

Hi!

It's kind of hard for us to know why she is doing this, we are not inside her head.

I have myself been (and I still am) in a situation where you aren't exactly sure what's going on, and to me at least, that is a horrible feeling. It just leaves you wondering, which really breaks you down, piece by piece.

If I were you, I would talk with her, alone and face to face. Ask her why she wants to end it. There could be many reasons, but from what I've read I get a feeling that her friends are somehow involved in this decision.

When you know why she wants to end it, it could leave you with another perspective at things.
What you should do, when you know why she wants to end it, is hard to say. Perhaps she just needs a break. Or maybe she doesn't feel the same way for you anymore and wants to end it for good.

Maybe you're in the same situation as me, with the cliché "I love you, but I'm not in love with you", which could explain her behaviour. She wants to end it with you, because she might not have the same romantic feelings towards you, but doesn't want to hurt you because she still cares about you.

No matter what the reason is, not knowing why and what's going on will make getting over her so much harder harder. So, if I were you, my first step would be to figure out what's really going on.

But don't pressure her, give her some time if she needs it. It seems like she might have problems telling you the truth, why I'm not sure. It could be because she doesn't want to hurt you.

I am myself only at my second full day of no contact, but I'm better already. But I know that if I had not talked with my GF, and if I still was sitting here in total insecurity, it would certainly be a lot harder to get just where I am today.

If you have someone you can talk to, that really helps as well.

In the meantime, you need to keep yourself busy rather than just sitting around thinking. That won't help you. Go out with friends, exercise, pick up hobbies, anything you've wanted to do - do it now.

Also, read the stickies, they are all very good.

I wish you all the best, and please do update us here, I know from experience that it really helps a lot.

[sadnlostedddd]

Sorry bro, it looks like she probably just wants to be single, but not sure that she wants to leave you. When she talks to you by herself she realizes that she wants to be with you, but when she's stronger after she talks to her friends. I think you should just go NC and work on yourself, one thing I've learned from my situation is that begging shows how dependent you were on the relationship, I did the same thing and I'm still not over it. But it'll get better trust me

[dannyw13]

Thanks for the quick replies guys.

Yeah my friends and family have told me to use NC rule, I'm going to wait for her to contact me. Its just weird how we planned the future and then it goes out the window few days later, the train tickets were sent to her house too. Its very odd. She hasn't attempted to contact me at all yet. Its actually funny how its all going down as it has been written, must be very common

Oh and also the last week we were close. We play fought, went to stone henge and quite a few places, I got no hint at all. That why it was so mad, I was just sitting here and then the call came...

[Misshersomuch]

The same thing happened to me. One day, you think all is good, the next day, you feel like the world is falling apart. Don't take it too tough though. (Struggled with those two last words).

I don't know really what's going to happen, as I can't see her thoughts. But if it's over for good, remember that it's not the end of the world. It will take time, yes, but you will get over it. And you will find later loves.

The things you need to do is now:

1) Find out what's going on, what she truly wants.

2)
a) if she wants to end it, you must get over it. Move on, keep no contact - it really helps. It will be easier if you know why.
b) If she wants something else, I really don't know how to handle that. Good luck anyway.

[talaniman]

Break ups come out of the blue for the dumped partner, but your g/f has been thinking of it for a while, even if she hadn't told you about it.

Of course your confused, hurt, and feel blind sided, because you have been.

Everyone wants to know the reasons behind being dumped, and the reasons are always the same. Her feelings about you, and the relationship have changed, and she no longer wants the romance from you.

I advise you strongly to accept it, and let the emotional dust settle, and deal with your feelings without her influence, by leaving her alone. PERIOD! Any further contact will only confuse you more, because she really can't tell you why her feelings changed, they just have.

Sorry for your loss, it sucks, break ups ALWAYS do. And it will be hard to leave her alone, and it's the hardest thing you have ever done in your life, but its very necessary at this time, as any contact will only prolong the confusion, and misery, your feeling now.

Trust me, this is a life lesson we all have to learn, how to deal with changing situations, and the feelings that come with them.

[dannyw13]

I have picked up a lot, I am quite happy now and I have made plans for myself to do things. I am not as sad as I was.. I guess I have to accept it, although I will always care for her and I told her that. Do you think it would be bad if I sent an xmas card to her and a separate one to her family whom I'm close to?

[amicon]

Making plans and staying busy are good ways to heal,so keep it up. As for Xmas cards if you're serious about the no contact I don't think you should send any.

[dannyw13]

Ill maintain the no contact but I have to send a card, its just a thing I got to do

[jimseekinadvice]

If you do send a card, do be straightforward and not expect anything.

[amicon]

Then I suggest you send one card to the whole family.

[dannyw13]

Is it a good idea to talk to her mum as I was close to her? I can tell her not to say anything

[amicon]

If its no contact you're doing you shouldnt-she's too close to your ex. Any updates you get about her will set your own healing process back.
No contact and no news of an ex works as it helps you clear your head and move on.

[dannyw13]

She text me about 5 minutes ago saying that she's sorry that she can't do this Sunday because she got some college work she has to do which I know isn't a lie, but that I can come down next Sunday, get my stuff

[amicon]

Are these things you can't live without? If they aren't I suggest you just leave it for the time being-if it's stuff you really need,could somebody else hand it over to you? Or leave it in a safe place for you to pick up?

[dannyw13]

She phoned now and we talked, she's clear in her decision, I said I respect her decision, next Sunday we can talk and take closure. She said she's falling for someone else but that isn't why she's doing it, she said its because the love was fading and she needs someone that close by that she can see. Because I live 100 miles away I could only see her weekends. But I put the reason on that it was this new boy and the friends encoruaging her. I asked her why did you make me order train tickets and imax, she said she don't know can't remember ordering.. it's a long story but she was clear. I don't know but I reckon over time she'll start wondering what she's done after this new kid has done what he's got to do. But yh that's it anyway

[amicon]

I'm sorry but at least now you know for certain. Sad as it is some relationships just don't go the distance.

[dannyw13]

Yh, and I'm still going to talk face 2 face n that and get closure so now at least my mind clear, thanks for the support

[amicon]

You re welcome-good luck and take care of yourself.
Keep us posted.