[martini1]

How can I begin to trust my partner again and save my marriage?

My partner cheated on me and I want to know if anyone has been in that situation and truly believes it can be fixed on our own or with marriage counseling?

[itried]

You can't realistically trust him/her again. No matter what anyone says here, it's just not going to happen. You'll always remember what they did, it's just that the intervals may become more or less frequent.

You have only two options:

A) Forgive and never forget.
B) Leave.

It's really that simple. He/She will probably be doing cartwheels and backflips to prove they are sorry from this point onwards and so the onus is on you to decide if you can take the stress involved with either of the two options.

Good Luck.

[martini1]

I thank you very much.

[Gemini54]

My ex cheated on me many years ago. It was a one-night stand after the pub and he was drunk. I would never have found out, except that he caught an STD and so of course, did I.

Whether your marriage can recover depends on many things - how and why it happened and how you REALLY feel about it. Ultimately, are you both willing to put the effort into repairing your marriage and to deal with the distrust and uncertainly that cheating creates in the short term?

In my case, we eventually came back to a place of trust. It took a while for me to feel at ease with his weekly excursions to the pub (and get the picture of him shagging the woman in the front seat of the car out of my mind!), but eventually, I did. The one night stand was out of character for him - he wasn't a cheating type of personality - and although I did initially forgive him, it took me considerably longer to forget. I should also add that we did stay together for another 11 years after it happened and eventually separated for other reasons. We are still friends.

So, yes, it is possible to forgive, forget and move on. It really depends on you and, of course, on them and your commitment to saving your marriage. I didn't have counseling - I talked to lots of my friends though - but would certainly suggest that if you have any doubts, it would be a good and sensible thing to do.

[JoeCanada76]

It does not matter what any of us really think.

What matters is do you personally feel that you can get past this or not. It is your life and your relationship and your choices.

Have you started counceling? If not I would suggest you do. Couple and individual. I would say that many people do decide to work through it and get past it eventually but it does take a while to build up that trust again.

Some people decide not to work through it.

You need to look within and find out for yourself are you willing to work through this or not.

Then make that decision to continue the marriage or not.

Joe

[talaniman]

If the cheating stops, and you both are willing to work on this together, doing whatever it takes, you can overcome any obstacle life throws at you.