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rosebud135 · Nov 30, 2009, 10:18 PM

Okay so me and this chick have been on and off for 4 years. We stopped talking for a year and now were dating again... She was dating this girl for three months and they broke up. Now I have her... She cheated on me with her... Dumping her is not an option.. Me and her bond isn't like any other person I've had with before. We know each other so well its like we can read eachothers mind... Litiraly. We always do that same thing at the same time always same the same thing. We even sense when we are by each other... Weird I know but it is what is is... I don't know anybody else like me and her. I found out she cheated on me three weeks after. I flipped out and screamed.. Cried. And I'm still not over it. Im not controlling but now I feel that I need to be.She told me that I can be as controlling as I need to be until I can trust her again...
Idk what to do because when she did cheat on me she said it only lasted lik five minutes or less. And she didn't want to. Her excuse was that she needed to make sure she was over her. But to me that's bull.. But to me that doesn't matter. I just need to know how to cope with this. I refuse to lose her again. I can tell she feels awful.But I don't know... I made her call that girl and told her to never speak to her again so at least she's respecting me... I just need to know how to cope...

Alty · Nov 30, 2009, 10:23 PM

If you refuse to lose her again then you're going to have to learn to accept it and move on.

As for making her call the girl and telling her to never speak to her again. That's not respecting you, that's obeying you, and it doesn't sit well with me.

Do you have a relationship or a master + servant thing?

Also, no chat speak, it's against the rules of our site and very annoying for those of us that have to translate it.

rosebud135 · Nov 30, 2009, 10:44 PM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

If you refuse to lose her again then you're going to have to learn to accept it and move on.

As for making her call the girl and telling her to never speak to her again. That's not respecting you, that's obeying you, and it doesn't sit well with me.

Do you have a relationship or a master + servant thing?

Also, no chat speak, it's against the rules of our site and very annoying for those of us that have to translate it.

Wats chat speaking?

Gemini54 · Nov 30, 2009, 10:49 PM

I'm a bit perturbed by your language - 'now I have her', 'I need to be controlling', 'I refuse to lose her again'.

Look, you can't make anyone DO anything and it's their choice, not yours, if they stay with you, or leave you, or cheat on you.

Trust is the issue here. Essentially you don't trust her and you're asking us to help you cope with a relationship where the other person cheats and possibly lies. You want her, you want her to be exclusive to you but in the end I suspect she'll do what she wants. Clearly you're not as connected as you think you are if she cheats on you after 3 weeks.

The only way to cope is to accept that this is the way she is and you can't change anything by controlling her. You'll only drive her further away if you do.

paxe · Nov 30, 2009, 10:49 PM

No trust no relationship. If you can't trust her then the relationship is doomed down the line. Learn to trust her.

Alty · Nov 30, 2009, 10:54 PM

Chat speak;

Wat = What
Idk = I don't know
because = because
lik = like

And many others.

Use full words and the best English and grammar that you're capable of. Try to remember that this site is universal and there are many people that come here that do not speak English very well. Let's try not to confuse them more by throwing chat speak into the mix.

rosebud135 · Jun 17, 2010, 01:09 AM

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 8 months. I love her to death and absolutely hate fighting with her. It ruins my whole day until we are better. She is my world and I don't know what I would do without her. Today we fought for NO reason and now she doesn't want to talk to me. She has moods that she can't control and I understand that butit still hurts. Even after this all this time. I want to just give her space but I cant. I want to fix it right then and there. What do I say to her? Ive told her that I love her and that I don't know what I did. She says nothing. But then when we are silent on the phone she says "are you done because you arent talking and i dont want to start arguing". So she just wants to get off the phone. But then she texts me things that just hurt to the core... What can I say that will ease her to want to fix things?

liz28 · Jun 17, 2010, 05:47 AM

Listen you can't turn someone into the person you want them to be. In takes two to make a relationship work and it is oblivious she doesn't want to and you can't make her. As long as you stay with her the relationship will continue the way it is until she wakes or leaves. How you can be with someone like this is beyond me but one thing I learnt about realtionships is when to walk around. How can you get the core of a problem if the person is unwilling to talk?

Another thing I must ask is how long she been like this because sometimes people do this as a way out.

kctiger · Jun 17, 2010, 06:31 AM

You can't fix someone who is determined to be miserable and unhappy. Few things you should do here:

1. DO NOT take these things personally.
2. When she acts like this, don't reward her behavior by caving in and offering help that isn't there.
3. Decide if this is really how you want to live. Me, I'd be out of there. Either she learn to communicate in a healthy, mature way, or this is over.

Think about number 3 carefully. Finally, take comfort in knowing that us guys can't fix everything, so don't think you can. All you can do is be a shoulder to lay a head on sometimes. If that isn't good enough, I'm not sure if this isn't doomed anyway. She either has something really bothering her, or she is just trying to start a fight in hopes of ending this thing and driving you away.

talaniman · Jun 17, 2010, 08:57 AM

You can't control another person, but you can control yourself, as you learn a person better.

I think you stop trying to fix things, and learn to back off, and do something else, and let things cool off on their own. Less stress and arguing that way.

Relationships only work when you make good adjustments to whatever the situation is, and not force things all the time.

pompomchick · Jun 17, 2010, 12:29 PM

Women are bound to be "moody".cant help it. Tellya a simple thing.First find out if she's equally interested in making it work.How? Flowers! :)
Take one step at a time. Let her call or text you for once.Act a little pricey. If she's not showing any interest,let it go.
Obviously,you cared enough to seek advice. You got to find out how much she cares about you guys as a couple.
Best wishes.

rosebud135 · Jul 25, 2010, 07:12 PM

Wow okay so my and my girlfriends nine months was yesturday and we went to a party at my bestfriends boyfriends house. Me and her were sort of fighting. But does that give her the right to have a three some with my best friend and her boyfriend... No... I don't know what to do. I have nobody to talk to. We broke up and I don't want to talk to her... But I do... I hate her... But I don't.Its like I'm under a spell that wants me to stay even though she does this to me... I need advice on what to do and how to deal with it... And I'm a girl.. Just so everybody knows.

Kitkat22 · Jul 25, 2010, 07:26 PM

How old are you? How old are all of you?

Cat1864 · Jul 25, 2010, 07:46 PM

Is this the same girl?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...dy-420867.html

And this:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-480352.html

Have you had your 18th birthday yet?

I think you need to examine why you stay in a relationship with someone who cheats on you and uses you as an emotional punching bag.

I think you have enough of a past with her to see where the future is headed. Have enough respect for yourself to stop the merry-go-round and get off. Give yourself time to heal and let go of the baggage from this go round and when you are emotionally stable, find someone who respects and cares about you as much as you do him/her.

Kitkat22 · Jul 25, 2010, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by Cat1864

Is this the same girl?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...dy-420867.html

and this:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-480352.html

Have you had your 18th birthday yet?

I think you need to examine why you stay in a relationship with someone who cheats on you and uses you as an emotional punching bag.

I think you have enough of a past with her to see where the future is headed. Have enough respect for yourself to stop the merry-go-round and get off. Give yourself time to heal and let go of the baggage from this go round and when you are emotionally stable, find someone who respects and cares about you as much as you do him/her.

True and I do agree with your advice. Spot on as always.:)

TwistedContext0 · Oct 21, 2010, 01:07 AM

I did this to my ex girlfriend and lost her for it (and a majority of other reasons) and NO its not OK at all. If anything, I hope you left her because staying after her doing something like that only gives her the mind that it'll be OK to eventually do it again. I'm sorry that happened to you and I know I'm a little late on answering the question, buuuut I'm still struggling with letting my ex go after putting her through what I did and her leaving. I hope you eventually healed from it and forgave her though, but only if she gave you a reason to forgive her. It only adds burden to you by holding on. Hope this helps in some way:)