[sccutypi001]

Well it all started almost 2 months ago when my fiancé left me. He didn't really give a reason at the time but he has since told me it is because he was unhappy because I constantly no matter how hard he tries(which I think is a cop out excuse). We went for a couple weeks and didn't talk but since we have been seeing each other about once a week and trying to work on things. My problem is that its always on his time and he only takls to me when he thinks I am being nice to him not when I stand up for myself. So yesterday I asked him to see me and he said he would try then he texted last night and said he couldn't make it was I working wed. well I told him OK that I was working wed but I had plans after(I didn't really but I didn't want him to think it was always on his time) so then we got in an argument and I told him I couldn't keep doing this and I didn't deserve this so he said don't do it then bye. Well on my way home I texted him this 3 page message about how I loved him and wanted it to work and if he did he would meet me at my appt... he never showed and today he is ignoring me. I texted him this am and told him I was sorry then later I said are you not going to talk to me if so just tell me instead of ingoring me please! Please help me what to say or should I just leave him alone and why is he doing this when he tells me he loves and wants to be with me but I'm too much of a when I've seriously been trying! Please help!

[adam_89]

I'm not being mean when I say thins but he is done with your relationship. You should be too. He is making a point of avoiding you and trying to show you he is no longer interested in you. You deserve better than waiting with your head hung low. It isn't your fault this happened. Sometimes the best thing to do it move on and not look back. He is doing it so you should too. You are trying to cause yourself more of a breakup than it is worth. So for yourself and your heart, try avoiding him and no contact.

[kctiger]

I really feel for you and your situation. Pretty awful to have to endure, especially around this time of year. I think it is clear he isn't into the relationship and seems to be doing things at his convenience, which isn't fair to you nor does it make for a functional relationship. I want to caution you not to let him walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and don't put in more effort than he is.

I hope you get better, I know this is hard, but best to find out now than to have already been married. If this is how he deals with problems, then it wouldn't have worked long term anyway. Good luck! :)

[Gemini54]

You're putting too much pressure on him, and you're just reinforcing the fact that he doesn't want to be with you by your bad behavior.

I missed the bit about why he broke up with you, but arguing, texting long messages and generally being a pain in the butt ain't going to get him back

I think it's over and he's just still telling you he loves you to let you down lightly. Or, perhaps he's punishing you for being such a pain in the butt. In any case, you need to exercise some self control and to stop contacting him. Leave him alone for a while, stop acting so desperate and start doing some self reflection.

I said it in another post, and I'll say it again - men hate women that are demanding. So stop.

[jaime90]

If he's not putting forth any effort, neither should you. I would move on without any contact- that is the best way for you to get your mind off him and onto other things. You don't deserve a guy who is wishy-washy like this. Either he loves you or he doesn't. If he consistently changes his mind, or can't decide, he doesn't love you. Move on.

[jmjoseph]

I think that you should write out a list of his BAD qualities, habits, behavior,etc. Make copies of this list, and put it up around your house, and in your car. Whenever you are thinking of him, look at the list.

I too think that he's through with the relationship, and think that you should save your dignity and start to get on with your new life.

Good luck, and try to keep busy.

[sccutypi001]

So we're playing the cat and mouse game! Tues night we got into an argument and I started ignoring him. So yesterday and today he has been ignoring me and being short with me. He promised he would go eat with me tomorrow! Should I try the old no contact rule or simply ask him is he still going?

[adam_89]

Put him off. You don't need the drama. He will probably stand you up and say he was busy anyway. Tell him you are to busy and never talk to him again. You know you are only hurting yourself with false hopes right?

[jaime90]

No contact. The more you talk to him or hang out with him, the less likely you will be to seriously get over him, and the more time it will take for him to get over you; and you will end up with more hurt in the future. If you're breaking up- you're breaking up. Let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no." You can't change your mind about loving someone every other day.

[sccutypi001]

My ex and I have been playing the cat and mouse game and now he is ignoring me! What can I asy to get him to respond or should I just text one time the start the no contact rule! Please help I want this to work out but it seems we can't get on the same page!

[smazhar2]

What is it that you are getting out of the relationship. It seems that he doesn't really respect you or your time. If this is the case, consider this: do you really want to live the rest of your life with a man who wants to do things his way? Do you want to struggle to make him the man you want him to be for the rest of your life? What is it about him that makes you think that he would be a partner with whom to share the rest of your life? Is he going to take care of you or is he going to take care of himself? What specific things about him make him your ideal husband?

It seems to me that the larger issue is that even before marriage he can't respect your time so this is an indicator for the rest of your life. On the other hand the issue may be you, in which case, would you (being who you are) be honestly compatible with him?

Consider this and ask him the questions on this page: 100+ Questions to Ask a Prospective Spouse

[Devorameira]

I personally think he's a controlling person who runs when he thinks he's losing control. The best thing you could do is to forget him.

You don't want to live your life walking on eggshells constantly being afraid that you'll say the wrong thing and make him mad. Be your own person and go on with your life. A real man at least discusses issues with his woman and lets her express her opinion.

There's a great guy out there just waiting to meet you! :o

[jaime90]

You don't need to be on the same page. If one of you wants to leave- it's over. It's sad, but in most breakups, the feeling isn't mutual. A relationship can't exist when one person wants to leave. Sccutypi0001- you need to be the adult here, and break it off completely, meaning no contact. If you submit to the chase this guy is putting you through, you are stooping down to this guys level and playing him at his own, immature game.
What would him responding solve? It will cause more drama, more hurt, etc. You need to break up with him, and leave it be.
Enough said.

[talaniman]

Enough of the games, and drama, leave each other alone, and disappear from his life, and ignore him forever. This will not get him back, but it will give you a chance to get your own act together.

[sccutypi001]

So my fiancé and I have been split up for 2 months. We were originally trying to stay friends and see what happens... anyways I decided last week that if he wasn't going to commit back to me I was done. So we talked and I told him we should take time away from each other but stay in touch and decide if we really needed each other or were happier alone. I do know I only want to be with him but want him to come backt to me since he is the one that left! Anyway my question is I haven't talked to him in about 4 days(since our talk) and I want to talk to him horribly! What is something I can text him (because I'm too scared to call) to make him think about me but without coming off pushy or despirate! I don't want to necessarily start a conversation but just to know that he's on my mind and to put me on his if I'm not! Thanks?

[talaniman]

By this time your finding out that games don't work in healthy relationships. I think you focus on you regrouping and building a life that makes you happy, and leave him to his own thoughts and actions.

Believe me you will do a lot more damage, and push him farther away by trying to stay on his mind, with the texts and phone calls.

[jaime90]

You need to stop talking to him. You want to talk to him terribly, but you need to move on from this relationship. That means no being friends, no contact, and no re-considering. If you're done, you're done. Let your yes be yes and your no be no- this wishy-washy, little game your playing is not good, and is not healthy... Stop talking to him, it's what is best for both of you.

[worldholdon]

Hello sccutypi001 and everyone else... Wanted to ask you how you coped with all that, as it's been a long time. How are you doing after 1.5 years? My fiancé told me he couldn't marry me 3 weeks before the wedding. We've been together for 2 years, in what I thought was loving and caring relationship. I had my bridal outfit bought, cake was ordered and the place was booked... He first told me he wasn't ready to get married, and it doesn't make sense to me - why did you ask me to marry you then?? And then waited half a year of being engaged to tell me you don't want to marry me?? I tried to talk to him as I wanted to know what I did wrong, or what I didn't do. How do feelings change out of nowhere? How did it happen that I became the worst enemy - when I talk to him he gets attitude like it was me who dumped him 3 weeks before the wedding! The other night I texted him and said, "I can't help but thinking you had met someone else. Bc you act like it wasn't you who told me I love you for 2 years". And he said, "Well i haven't met anyone else". "So you just stopped loving me?" "I guess i don't love you enough for marriage". Wow that hurt... Train hit me in the face, and then smb put a screwdriver in my heart, and started turning it, and turning it, and turning it... and then they put a drill to my brain, and started drilling, and drilling, and drilling... I didn't answer to that, it was all pretty clear... And in a couple hours, he texted again, "I wasn't happy. Things never got better" I don't want to sit here and dwell on how happy I had been with him, and what I did for him, and how I thought he was happy - it will only bring me more pain. But I loved that man with all my heart, and wanted to marry him. I have not contacted him since then, and I want to go NC but he owes me money, and I do want that money - I moved into another apt, live by myself now and have to pay all the bills on my own, whereas we'd been splitting all bills in half. It's a little stressing because I don't make a lot, but I look at it as good stress, as it distracts me from thinking of him... So, supposedly he's going to figure out how much he owes me within the next 3-4 days, and then I'm going NC - I do love myself, and don't want to be hurt more and more... My question is, do I tell him that I want him to not call me ever again (bc I do want him to!), do I tell him that I'm going to delete him on Facebook (I know it's going to hurt him when he sees we're no longer friends there), and I DO want him back, so if I cut him out of my life like that, how is he supposed to come back if he wants to - if I don't answer his calls/texts - won't he just think I don't want him anymore, and then he will move on... and I don't want him to...

[JudyKayTee]

Please keep an eye on the date when you answer - this is from 2009. No one has answered in a very long time and no one will see your answer unless they've posted before and are notified that something new has been posted.