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9Lives · Dec 6, 2008, 06:03 PM

6 Threads merged

I will see my ex soon because we are both in a social circle that will cause us to be in the same room. My feelings are good. I'm no longer interested.

I was crazy in love with him. Was together for almost 4 years. Had a lot of up and downs... dealing with a indecisive and selfish man. He broke up with me twice and told me the last time to see other pepole. He did not want to completely let go. He just did not want to be in a relationship. I changed my number because I did not want him to keep letting me go and then coming back like he always done in the past. I would fall every time cause I love him.

Anyway after a lot of reflecting, getting my emotions back, and just looking at his personality as a whole... I'm okay with the break up. I say that lightly because sometimes it still hurts. I have very good ways to cope. No more crying, and the drama. Im cool

The way I really want to handle seeing him is... not deal with him at all. I don't have anything to say. I don't want to be mean or anything. I just don't want to be bothered anymore. I feel like he did not treat me properly. I had been with him through a lot of hard times and in the end, I was put in a position to accept his terms that were not favorable to nobody but him. I decide if he says something to me, I would just be very very brief. Like Im fine and walk the hell on. I just don't want anything to do with him anymore. Not worth my time.

Any advice or suggestions?

Wondergirl · Dec 6, 2008, 06:11 PM

Do exactly that -- don't have anything to do with him any more. He's a stranger. Treat him like you would treat any other stranger.

talaniman · Dec 6, 2008, 06:35 PM

Your strategy is a good one. No need to be rude, as polite, and brief, is fine. Don't be drawn into any emotional confrontations at all, and do have a great time.

9Lives · Dec 6, 2008, 06:45 PM

Gosh I love your quote about the priority and option issue.

I put it on one of my que cards. I have que cards I carry around to keep my mind right. I recently broke up and I needed to read logical cards to control emotions. It has been so powerful. When I start to drift, I pull out my cards and they help straighten out my thoughts. I love it. I can't afford to have a lot of emotional break downs. I read them every day and I add to them too. It is so cool. It is like carrying you guys in my purse. I like to call them "Friends in my head" NY term. I just read them then I'm good.

Another thing I thought to say if he ask "How im doing?" I am thinking of saying "Why?"

My thing is you don't really give a f/k so don't try to be friendly now. If you really wanted to know how I was doing you would have made a real effort to see how I was doing. I know he doesn't want to be together but waiting to "see" me in public is not very impressive to me. This is weak and I feel like he always throws me a bone that is convenient for HIM. If he don't go out his way for my friendship, we won't be friends until I AM READY FOR THAT. In the meantime, stay away with your shady, sneaky, selfish, indecisive . :mad: I'm still mad I guess

dazzling · Dec 6, 2008, 06:52 PM

Take a date, a handomer, well to do bachelor. Don't talk to you are ex but make sure you are are very affectionate with your Date. Whatever it takes to get him to notice you are date beome curious about your new life.

Act as if breraking up with him was the best thing in the world, because you have someone better.

If u don't have a (handsome date at hand) ask a male firend to go with you and pretend to he is very successful (if he is not).

Like say, this is my boyfriend he is Dr/lawyer/accountant/ and we just came back from a vaction in bahamas!

I know if seems like a game. But it will do wonders for your self-esteem. Being alone at this gathering might make you miss your ex.

Besides you want him to know that you are doing better and the thought of getting back together would not even occur to u, ever!

Living well is the best revenge!

Wondergirl · Dec 6, 2008, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by dazzling

Take a date, a handomer, well to do bachelor. Don't talk to u r ex but make sure u r are very affectionate with ur Date. Whatever it takes to get him to notice u r date beome curious about ur new life.

Act as if breraking up with him was the best thing in the world, because u have someone better.

If u don't have a (handsome date at hand) ask a male firend to go with u and pretend to he is very successful (if he is not).

Like say, this is my boyfriend he is Dr/lawyer/accountant/ and we just came back from a vaction in bahamas!

I know if seems like a game. But it will do wonders for your self-esteem. Being alone at this gathering might make u miss ur ex.

Besides u want him to know that u r doing better and the thought of getting back together would not even occur to u, ever!

Living well is the best revenge!

But that's not living well. It's just a pack of lies and making her even less than she was before!

9Lives · Dec 8, 2008, 10:54 AM

Im still very disgusted and angry. I know this is part of the process and I am just going through. He is dirty to me

Synnen · Dec 8, 2008, 11:15 AM

Taking a date is not a bad idea, actually, even if your date is just a close female friend.

There is no reason to give him any explanation for who that person is, either. If you give an introduction, you can just say "This is Sarah" or "This is Jim". There's no need to explain who Sarah or Jim IS to you. You owe this person nothing! And having the moral support of a good friend is great anyway!

9Lives · Dec 11, 2008, 05:42 PM

He came to the guy this morning at 6am. He knows that is when I will be at the gym. He did not speak or anything. Neither did I. I was proud of myself because normally I would have been all over him or trying to figure out what to do or feeling like I have to go talk to him. He wanted me to come over there but I just keep doing my own workout. It's game

9Lives · Dec 12, 2008, 08:25 PM

Hi Guys,

I have been very blessed to come to this website. I have saved myself "some" pain and stupid moves between this site and another. I am doing all the right things. He wanted to break up and become friends. I respected his wishes and told him I can't be friends cause I love him so much. I have not made any contact and I have changed my phone number so he can't call. I just can't seem to get over him. I still think about him all the time. I know it can take some time. I have like 4 dates lined up for the weekend and I even like two of the guys for real but I can't stop thinking about my ex. I saw him 2 days ago at the gym and of course I ignored him because I know I'm not ready to be dealing with him. He did not come talk to me either. I feel like he came to test me to see what I would do since normally I would be falling at his feet. Not now. I'm not playing myself. I just can't seem to really give up and let go. He does not know how I feel cause I have been so good at the NC.

Even if I contact him, it would not do any good. It is not my place to contact him. He is the one who decided he does not want a relationship anymore and said to me to see other people after almost 4 yrs in a relationship. I think coming to the gym was a test to see where my head was. He is shady, arrogant,, he wants me to sweat him and all like that. Im not doing it. I still miss him and love him. It hasn't been that long so I guess I will just keep doing what I have been doing. I wish we could work it out but Im not going to put any effort into bringing us together again. I am really trying to accept it and move on for my own well being.

Well here we go. Im going to call my new prospectives and have a good weekend.

Your thoughts?

willudancwithme · Dec 12, 2008, 09:07 PM

You doing da right thang you digz and goodluck

babyshooter11 · Dec 12, 2008, 10:39 PM

I think that the problem here is that your not completely willing to let go. Your telling yourself that you still love him and miss him. That's what's holding you back. Your doing everything right but now it's time to realize that you don't love him anymore, sure you still think about him, but that's not love, it's you just trying to sort things out in your head. I'm going through the same situation with my ex so I truly do wish you luck!

TrueFaith · Dec 12, 2008, 10:49 PM

You know what to do :)

Keep on no contact

As for the thinking.. well my dear I wish there was a button that could turn that crap off.
For everything in life!

I have sooo many things that I wish I could just stop thinking about.

But you learn to deal with it.
But I am very proud of how strong you are :)
I don't say that to many people

Keep being strong girl
And you will get there!

There is no time limit on when we will forget. We never do.
You want to get to the stage where you can think about him. But it does not effect you so much..

And just think of it like this.

I bet you! That you are feeling better now. Than you did on the day you guys broke up.. right?

Look for the small wins!
Take it day by day and trust me you will get there

All the best ;) :) ;)

liz28 · Dec 12, 2008, 10:56 PM

The break-up is still fresh so it is normal to feel the way you do. But your doing great and when thoughts of him creep up in your mind change your thought process to something else.

eva_gr · Dec 13, 2008, 03:55 AM

I'm going through the same situation with you!I have been good at the NC,I've never tried to call him or text him but still thinking of him and still I can't find any interested around me.And I think the problem is that we're keep on thinking how much we love them and how much we're missing them.
I wish I knew how to stop these feelings... but I don't.So be patient and just think you're not the only one.

artlady · Dec 13, 2008, 04:44 AM

A wise person told me many years ago if you want to get over someone it takes a lot of work and the one thing I found helpful to to just say NO!

Every time he comes to mind and it can happen a hundred times a day*just say no* and force the thought from your head.
You are the master of your thoughts so just wipe those thoughts away and if they still keep haunting you turn them around and remember how he hurt you,not how good he kissed!

Keep up the good work and look at the past for what it is.. a learning experience!

Have a great week-end!

talaniman · Dec 15, 2008, 10:37 AM

Your doing fine as of now, and you just need more time, and a lot of enjoyable activities, and friends, to keep you busy.

9Lives · Dec 15, 2008, 01:04 PM

I was with this guy for almost 4 years. Just crazy about him. Anyway he broke up with me in November. He did not want me out of his life but I could not be the girlfriend anymore. I had to be the close woman in his life. He was trying to fix his issues and that kind of bull. So he tells me that I need to see other people cause he can't give me what I wanted but he does not want us to not be friends or anything. Since I was in love with him, I told him I love him and I can't be his friend. I asked him not to call me anymore and then I changed my number. I KNOW he did not want that. He just wanted us to be cool cause we were pretty close at one time and I was very good to him. He lost a friend and a good lover. But hey he decide that he was not going to be able to be in a Relationship anymore.

So anyway, this was in November that we broke up and I went NC.

So this Sunday, I was on a date with this guy and here comes my ex. He was walking fast past us and then I noticed that he slowed down and looked real hard to see if that was me with someone. I played it off and acted like I did not see him but I saw him. He had to back past me again and he turned his head so he would not have to look again. I acted like I did not see him again. IT was hard.

We left after that shortly and I saw him sitting by himself looking at his phone. I know that bothered him cause it would have bothered me. We have not been broke up that long. I miss him so much but I have been strong on NC and I have not made any moves towards him whatsoever. I was just glad that he sees that I am moving on and not sitting at home waiting for him while he is out meet new women. It felt really really good.

I wonder what he is think though. Probably not a thing since he ended it. I know he did not want to hurt me and so I don't think he was expecting to see me out already with someone.

kctiger · Dec 15, 2008, 01:06 PM

What is your question? What was he thinking? I am sure it sucked for him to see, but in the end it doesn't matter. This happens to everyone. Just keep doing what you are doing and living your life, as you don't need to worry about what he was thinking.

HistorianChick · Dec 15, 2008, 01:09 PM

Good for you! You've done this the right way. You were hurt and broken hearted, but you knew enough to say no, you can't be friends. I'm so proud of you for being strong! You go, girl!

This is a natural reaction to seeing your ex again. Seems like you handled it well. Don't worry about what he is thinking or doing, you're making it, you're surviving, you're standing... and you're moving on.

Good for you. :)