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jz1 · Nov 18, 2009, 08:57 AM

I had been with my boyfriend of 4 years. We were due to get married last year, but we postponed as he admitted he felt not ready as he is only 24. We got back on track and were happy until we put the wedding back on for next April. I then got insecure and was going on at him all the time, saying they he still felt too young etc. It all came to a head when we went to a wedding fayre, and I saw the fear in his face. He then said later during a row, that he knew if we cancelled the wedding again, he would have to walk as could not see me upset again.

The next day, he had left me a letter and had gone. This is completely out of character as he has never done anything like this in the past 4 years. It was all about thinking we wanted the same things but at different times etc.

That was nearly 5 weeks ago and we have stayed in some contact over our house. He still states that he needs to be alone. I believe that there is no one else involved, as there has been nothing to suggest this.

He has come round to do practical things and has still not moved his stuff out. When he came over last night, he said he has started to think that maybe he loves me, but is not in love with me, or why would he want to be on his own.

He is going to sign the house over to me in the next month or so, but I am just so confused. He has also got a lot of family pressures, which all came to a head just before he left. I just keep thinking if he was going to come back, he would have done so by now.

I wish · Nov 18, 2009, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by jz1

When he came over last night, he said he has started to think that maybe he loves me, but is not in love with me, or why would he want to be on his own.

Sounds like his feelings for you have changed. He no longer has romantic feelings for you. He's letting you down easy.

I'm really sorry to hear about your breakup. You're still in the early stages of a break up, so it's definitely really difficult to believe.

You're going to have to give yourself some time to let this sink in.

Some time apart will do you some good, otherwise you're going to continue to have false hope and over-analyze everything he says.

jz1 · Nov 18, 2009, 09:16 AM

He did say that he feels he has gone along with wanting to get married to make me happy, and he has been lying to himself for a year about this. He cries every time he sees me, and says he does not want to except we are over. He is also seeing a councillor about all his other family problems. I can't help but think he has not fallen out of love this quickly, but he has just freaked out as was not ready to get married. Last time we cancelled the wedding, he was back to his old self and we were very much in love. As soon as we put it back on, we had problems again.

I wish · Nov 18, 2009, 09:58 AM

If he was still in love, but not ready to get married, all he has to do is ask you to delay the wedding.

The fact is, he doesn't even want to try to continue this relationship anymore because his feelings for you are not there anymore.

You can't force him back into the relationship. He has to commit naturally.