[gios12]

We were engaged just over 2 months ago, and have been together for almost 2 years. We have booked a wedding venue, photographer, and a DJ. We have been living together for a year, and just finished completely renovating her condo. We both have places, and I had previously moved a renter into my place. We just purchased a car, and booked a week in England this coming April. As far as I was concerned, things were coming together great. We were set to get married late next summer. There has never been any major problems, no cheating, no lies; as everyone would point out to us, we made a great couple.

When I got home from work last night, she grabbed my hands, and informed me that she doesn't want to continue things, and she's arranged to move into her parents for the time being. I was shocked, and when she asked if I wanted to talk to about it, I couldn't make words come out of my mouth, and walked out. When I came back, she was gone.

I texted asking for a conversation, which she's agreed to tomorrow. She sent me an email later in the night to say that she loves me so very much, but feels like there's something missing... and for that reason, feels I deserve to be with someone better.

I've been trying to collect my thoughts since then, and keep the faith that maybe things will be OK. Does anyone think I'm wrong to remain positive, considering the following:

- her father, who treats me like a son, has tried to reach out to me and offer an ear and support. He was just as shocked and hurt, and doesn't understand her reasons. Says she's devastated at what she's lost. Huh? Isn't that her doing?

- she never took the ring off, at least not in front of me

- when I responded to her email by telling her how hurtful it was to send an email instead of talking, I also said that if this is what she wants, I'd have my stuff moved out of her condo ASAP. Her response was that she doesn't want me to move out right now, that she's staying at her parents for a bit, that I can live at the condo.

Not trying to grasp at straws, but rather just to paint a clearer picture...

Obviously I don't have the answers I need to ease my mind right now, but there are questions that won't go away, and I'm not 100% sure that I should ask all of them. What I feel I should be asking about is:

1) What's changed?
2) Is there anything that can be done on my end to rectify this?
3) Doesn't the fact that she considers me her best friend, and loves me as much as she says she does mean anything to her, or is this coming from somewhere/someone else?
4) Is this a mistake that may be too damaging to ever repair?
5) Did something happen while she was away?
6) Is she prepared to pay the price this might bring? Financially? Personally, as we're from a town where everyone either knows her or I.

Guess I'm just trying to ease my mind by asking if I'm at least sane in what I'm thinking, both from a staying positive perspective, and questions that are in my head.

[I wish]

1) What's changed?

Her feelings have changed. It SUCKS BIG TIME, but it happens.

2) Is there anything that can be done on my end to rectify this?

There's nothing to fix. Her change of feelings was a natural occurrence. So she will have to naturally get her feelings back.

3) Doesn't the fact that she considers me her best friend, and loves me as much as she says she does mean anything to her, or is this coming from somewhere/someone else?

Only she has the answer to that. But if she loved you as much as you love her, you would be getting married. So she obviously doesn't feel the same way as you.

4) Is this a mistake that may be too damaging to ever repair?

Her change of feelings is a natural occurrence, so there's no mistake. There's no right or wrong. There's no good or bad. It is what it is.

5) Did something happen while she was away?

Only she has the answer to that. But you can be sure that she gave this marriage a lot of through before deciding on not going through with it.

6) Is she prepared to pay the price this might bring? Financially? Personally, as we're from a town where everyone either knows her or I.

It's not your concern anymore.

It's possible that you might get back together one day, but she will have to naturally regain her feelings for you.

Marriage is a huge step and if there are any lingering doubts, it's better not to go through with the wedding, so that you don't have all these legal issues to deal with, such as a divorce.

You're still in the early stages of a break up. Focus on healing from the pain before trying to figure things out. Once you've healed and allowed the emotional dust to settle, you will be in a better position to figure things out.

[slapshot_oi]

5) Did something happen while she was away?

You left that part out.

...I'd have my stuff moved out of her condo ASAP. Her response was that she doesn't want me to move out right now, that she's staying at her parents for a bit, that I can live at the condo.

She's trying to keep you around for her pleasure. Tell her to go pound sand and move your stuff out anyway.

Things like this don't happen without reason, there must have been warning signs.

[gios12]

5) Did something happen while she was away?

- forgot that part - she went to visit her brother across the country for a weekend, in a city where she grew up and her ex's live. Communication while she was gone was light, but she seemed a little indecisive about wedding plans after she got back. She went to wedding dress shop this past weekend, found a dress she loved.

And another point - her 2 best friends, both in the wedding party, I have a feeling have a large say in her decisions. One was engaged, broke it off, got together with someone else that could provide a glamorous life, and now wants out because they don't connect. The other got married, divorced in 2 months, lived the high life, and is now back together with her ex-husband... should have been concerned about those 2 I guess!

[bjohnrupp]

5) Did something happen while she was away?

- forgot that part - she went to visit her brother across the country for a weekend, in a city where she grew up and her ex's live. Communication while she was gone was light, but she seemed a little indecisive about wedding plans after she got back. She went to wedding dress shop this past weekend, found a dress she loved.

And another point - her 2 best friends, both in the wedding party, I have a feeling have a large say in her decisions. One was engaged, broke it off, got together with someone else that could provide a glamorous life, and now wants out because they don't connect. The other got married, divorced in 2 months, lived the high life, and is now back together with her ex-husband... should have been concerned about those 2 I guess!

Hey gios- I'm real sorry to hear what you're going through man. I went through the same thing 3 months ago and am still recovering to this day.

Let me start by saying I think it is over and it sounds like she is done with you. I really don't mean to sound harsh but she has put a lot of time and thought in her decision and women make decisions based on their emotions/feelings and it will likely be hard to convince her to feel things she's not feeling anymore.

I was engaged and plans for the wedding were getting underway as well as a huge engagement party coming up in 3 weeks when mine ended it. So sometimes the seriousness of the relationship gets the girls thinking if they are really ready to spend the rest of their lives with their men.

I feel bad because it sounds to me like she may be getting back with her ex and her friends I think may have convinced her to do so. Now this is only speculation based on what you said. She ran into one on her trip and sparks were likely flying and then she started second guessing her relationship with you.

It really sucks man but the best advice is to go 100% no contact. It will be very hard to do but this is your only card left for you to play. I'm still struggling with the no contact thing (see my threads) but you have to do it for your own healing and to see if there's a chance she may still miss you. I wish you the best of luck man:D

[CanIBuyAClue]

As an unbiased third party, the fact that she went on a trip, and was in the same city where her ex, or exes live... something could have happened there. I would also venture to say that yes her friends did play a role in talking to her / convincing... but at the end of the day do you really want somebody who can't make their own decisions? My ex basically took the side of her ultra religious parent's and friends' over what I had to offer, so I know all to well about friends and others meddling in your affairs. It hurts, and you definitely still love her, but you have to leave her alone at this point for both of your sakes. I would say go no contact immediately and move your stuff out of the apartment. You both have a lot to think about... her on if she actually does want to get back with you, and you if you want to take somebody back who can so abruptly end things... For now focusing on healing yourself though. Good luck my man.