[sharon83]

Hi Everyone,

I don't know where to begin. My boyfriend broke up with me Saturday night. He told me that I'm not what he's looking for in a girlfriend because he said he wants someone like himself who's independent. That really hurt me a lot to hear him say that to me. I'm 26 yrs old... currently attending college to become a nurse. He's 31 yrs old and is a manager in a business. I don't get it... when we first started dating he knew I was going to school and working as well but that was not a problem for him at the time. I left my job in the summer because I wanted my main focus to be on my school work. He was happy that I decided to focus on getting my degree because he told me that he wants to get married and have kids soon. Now all of a sudden I'm not working and he's making it seem like I'm not independent. If you know me you would think other wise. I never ask him for a dime. I always do things for myself and don't rely on others because that's how I am. Then he said I'm living at home and he's looking for someone that lives by themselves and not with their parents. I don't get it if you knew this about me before you got with me why now all of s sudden it's a big problem. We've only been dating for 9 month and within those 9 months he broke up with me two times using the same reasons. Then he always calls me back because he misses me. I care about my boyfriend so much. I always tell him and show him how I feel about him but sometimes he distance himself from me and doesn't show me the affection I'm looking for all the time. He tells me that's how he is and he'll try to change that... but he never works on it. I do so much for him to show him that I care about him. When we first started dating I used to text him all the time and he used to text me right back... now he be taking hours to text me back. I know it doesn't take but a second to text back your girlfriend cmon. I know his job can sometimes be busy but when you do have a moment text me. I always response to him when he text me or calls me. I just expected the same, but he's not meeting me half way. Now get this... Saturday he called me early in the morning but I was sleeping but I woke up 10 minutes after he called me. I told him I sorry that I missed his call because I was sleeping. He said it's OK and go back to sleep and when you wake up later give me a call. I agreed and went back to sleep. When I woke up I called him and he didn't answer. So I called him 30 minutes later still no answer. I thought to myself what was the point of you telling me to call you if you was not going to answer your phone. He told me Thursday that he would be hanging out with a group of friends from out of town on Friday. He didn't tell me that he would be hanging out with them on Saturday as well. So I waited until it was 7 pm to give him a call and he still didn't answer my phone call... so I decide to send him a text. I said to him " whatever you are doing i hope you having fun doing it". Can you believe he answered me right away saying that he's showing his friends around NY because they don't know nothing about NY. I don't have no problem with that but at least pick up the phone and call me or a simple text would have been nice seeing how I haven't heard from you since we spoke in the morning. I texted him telling him that I wanted to talk to him and he insisted that he couldn't speak because he was in a crowded area. I told him that I needed to tell him how I felt about the things that's been going on between us. He called me 15 minutes later because he thought I was upset in the textes I was sending him. I was not mad I just wanted to speak to him and let him know what's been bothering me. He thought I was going to break up with him so after I started to express myself to him to he said this relationship is not working out for him. He said to me that I'm not his child, and I'm not what he's looking for because he's looking for someone who's independent. If you felt like that about me why wait to tell me when we break up. Friday night we were perfectly fine and now I'm not what he's looking for. He told me this time he means it and he only wants to be my friend. What should I do? He broke up with me before and said the same things but then we worked everything out. Does he really mean it or is he just upset at me. I think he feels like I only see the negative in him... which is not true. I always tell him thank you for all the things he's done for me. I told him I cared about him and he said he cares about me too but a relationship can't only be about caring for one another. He said we are in different places in our lives and it's not working out. He said this before to me but we got back together. I called him on Sunday to try to work things out but he didn't want to hear it. I'm stronger today and have't call him. I need some help. What should I do? I care about him so much and want to be back with him. It's hurts. Help!!

I want to hear Girls and Guys thoughts of what should I do?
P.S. Sorry about the long essay. I wanted to explain everything

[paxe]

You need to apply NC as soon as possible. It looks like it is pretty much over now between you too and the longer you try to keep in contact with him, the harder it gets. He already broke up twice and hurt you in the past, don't let him do that anymore.

Apply the stickies (NC, sport, socializing... ) and get yourself healed. The longer you wait, the more pain you will have.

[Cat1864]

I think you need to give him what he wants-his freedom.

He has broken up with you three times in nine months for the same reason. Supposedly you are not 'independent' enough for him. However, he keeps getting back with you even though nothing has really changed. You are still living at home and still a student. He's using it as an excuse. I think he is playing games and you need to walk away with your head held high.

While I think the texting may at times have been excessive, he could have said something to you about compromising on communications instead of the cycle he started.

I think you need to read the stickies at the top of the Relationships forum about breaking up. Pay close attention to the one on No Contact. Starting at this moment go No Contact. Have nothing more to do with this person. No phone calls, emails, texts, Facebook, MySpace, etc. If it could by any stretch of the imagination be thought of as contacting him, don't do it. Remember that No Contact is for you to be able to heal and let the emotional dust settle. It is not a way to get him back and it has no time limit.

It is not going to be easy and it will hurt a lot. However, if you give yourself time and the resources you need to heal and move on you will be a stronger person. Someday, you will find someone who will be honest with you about his concerns and will work with you to build a long lasting and beautiful relationship.

[sharon83]

Thanks for the advice it really help me to be strong

[sharon83]

Today he texted me to ask how my week is going so far. I told him it's going good... thanks for asking. That was that... can someone tell me why did he text me if he broke up with me.

[KOconrado]

Sounds to me he's not telling you the truth of why he wanted to break up with you. For me I think a woman who's getting a carrer and making her own way is sexy. But seriously this dude is stringing you along while testing the waters. If the guy wants you its plainly obvious he would work on getting back together with you with his ACTIONS. Forget him for now and if he comes running back you got something to think about if this is worth all the back and forth bologna or if he will keep it real.

[sharon83]

He text me today trying to strike a conversation. Is that a good thing that he's texting me?

[Cat1864]

He text me today trying to strike a conversation. Is that a good thing that he's texting me?

No, it isn't a good thing. He apparently is trying to keep the cycle going. Do you really want to get back with him just to be left again when he decides that you are 'not independent enough' (again)? Don't play his game. It is only causing you hurt and pain.

Stay with No Contact. Ignore his texts. Keep yourself busy and rebuild your self-esteem.

How are your studies going?

[sharon83]

My studies are going okay... I'm trying to stay focus.

[Cat1864]

Good. Nurses are very special people who do very difficult jobs. :)

[talaniman]

I don't think its wise to accept the calls, and texts, of someone who has dumped you 3 times, and only engages in BS small talk. Cuss him out and tell him to leave you alone.

Accepting bad behavior, only brings more bad behavior.

[Devorameira]

Nursing school is tough and you don't need him keeping you in turmoil. My advice would be to stop communicating with him and concentrate on getting through school.

Be sure if you do go out around any mutual friends that you appear to be happy and confident so they'll tell him how well you're doing without him! Show him just how independent you can be by staying away from him completely! Good Luck!

[sharon83]

Thanks so much guys for the advice.

[JoeCanada76]

No contact is so important.

Focus on yourself, and your nursing.

This person is just playing you. Just leave it alone.

Do good for yourself and let him go on his way.

Good luck with everything by the way. Nursing is very important career. Focus on that.