[badpredicament]

So my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a while. The first year was great. Lots of the usual lovey-dovey stuff you see in movies and a lot you don't. I am her first boyfriend, but I have dated a little before her (one long-term in high school, a couple short ones later on). She is generally okay with that and all was well. Then the end of the first year.

I go abroad and things are well until she questions the relationship. While I am in another country she asks for some time to think about everything and really thinks about breaking up with me. I tried my best to stay in touch and I was crushed a little every day. Then I come back hoping she finally made her decision and she was just cold. Everything is just a downhill route where she wanted to be just friends. The trouble was her version of reducing the relationship to just friends was treating me like crap. After three months of this (three abroad, three months back with her) I give up. I told her I can't stand this all, and that I want a break. She breaks down and seduces me with sex (of course I still loved her and consented; when others hit on me/ wanted sex I still pushed them away). She told me that she didn't intend to get rid of me entirely and she tells me how wonderful everything will be when she figures everything out.

So I am in another state and we have more long distance calling. Things are generally rocky, but they are cooling down by the end of the summer. So I come back from summer feeling very emotionally bruised and wanting a break. A couple of days are good, and then she forgets my birthday and gets drunk. She insults me in every way she can think of even as she sobers up. I throw up from the insults. I feel like crap. Then a couple days later she goes on her study abroad.

By then I am feeling so screwed up in my head I just don't care anymore. In a fleeting moment of hope I tell her I will go see her, but she doesn't keep any regular call schedule (such as once a week even). Some cute girl hits on me and I accept. After 9-10 months of crap I can't keep myself sane about the matter. No sex, just kissing with clothing on.

My girlfriend abroad forgets about our second anniversary and I don't care anymore. Then she calls me up out of the blue about her problems after I feel like crap and I have a lot of trouble sympathizing with her.

I and up seeing her abroad because I couldn't return the ticket and she thinks nothing is wrong. All is well sort of, and I just feel like the most broken man on the planet.

Anyway, I thought we were headed towards a relatively bright future until she returns and becomes jealous of every friend I have. She becomes jealous of taking with anyone, and every time I would even spend and hour with a couple of guys going to lunch she would be in tears asking me why she isn't enough to replace the rest of the world.

The relationship limps another year-ish which brings us to now. She is anti-social as ever and she still hates any bit of a social life I have. I move out with my uncle to search for jobs and I am just a little too happy to be away form her. Things are not going well and I break out my secret that I kissed another girl. She freaks out and wants a hiatus and demands that I tell the world my secrets. Finally she wants me to visit her later for some strange reason. What do I do?

I know that I am a winey bastard, and I know I failed her when I kissed that girl when she was abroad. It just killed me that she needed about a year to figure out her status in the relationship, and even then she is so demanding of everything that I can't breath around her. I just can't take this anymore. Should I just skip out on her? She is smart and intelligent, but should I just see what happens in the next few months? (stupidly) Will she get better?

[redhed35]

How much more time are you going to waste on this relationship.

This is toxic!

There are key words and phases in your post that scream red flags!

This relationship has become a bad habit..

Time to go cold turkey (no contact) move on with your life away from this girl.

You are both feeding each other pain,and hardship... move on.

If you needed confirmation that this relationship is dead in the water,here is it.

[amicon]

Does this relationship make you feel happy?
Do you have great communication?
Is there trust and mutual respect?
The answer to all three questions is NO.
Time to move on-end it it's not at all healthy.

[talaniman]

The man thing to do would be you telling her the truth, that this is not working for you at all, and that its over, simple, plain, and clear, then you disappear from her life, and keep strict No Contact whatsoever with her, even ignoring her if you have to.

Then your free to heal, (as she will heal also) and gain some perspective as what you just went through (and so she will too! ).

Its not the easy way,(it will be hard, as healing from a break up ALWAYS is ) but I think the better way.