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party_girl · Oct 16, 2009, 05:04 AM

I invite him every time I go and he refuses! I go with my friends, most of them are male, and I usually hang out the most with my male best friend. He doesn't even want to meet him. My friends think I'm hiding him or don't even have a boyfriend because he never shows up. Girls don't like me really because they think I'm going to cheat on him! I would never do so.
I do drink and dance and my boyfriend knows it and that's one of the reasons I want him to be with me there.
My friend told me he could be jealous. I don't know how to approach him. I feel rejected every time he says no.

Cat1864 · Oct 16, 2009, 05:50 AM

Some people don't like to 'party'. Some people seem to do nothing else.

Have you tried talking with him? Has he suggested doing other things? Do you do anything with him that doesn't involve 'partying'? Does he feel rejected because you seem to enjoy your friends' company more than his?

itsamor · Oct 16, 2009, 05:59 AM

He most likely doesn't want to risk feeling jealous seeing you "flirt"and flaunt yourself around the room.. like girls do. Cause girls love attention. We ALL know this all to well. He just doesn't want to put himself in a situation where he's going to feel threatened & insecure, so even though he'll be there and you think he knows you won't cheat on him while he's there he doesn't want to take that chance. He's probably been f***ed over before. So if he doesn't want to"party!" let him be. That life style isn't for everyone especially not people in committed serious relationships. You shouldn't have to get ed up and dance around like a bimbo to have fun. Here & there is OK but not all the time.

I wish · Oct 16, 2009, 06:01 AM

Why don't you respect his wishes for not wanting to go? Stop forcing him to do something that he doesn't want. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if he forced you to do something you don't want.

Did he show any hints of jealousy? Unless you're omitting information, it doesn't look like it because he's not complaining about you going is he?

Don't listen to what other people say about your boyfriend. What matters is how you communicate with your boyfriend. There does seem to be a lack of communication with him. Just talk to him to clear things up.

paxe · Oct 16, 2009, 06:27 AM

WOW, you look so much like my ex. Well, I was in exactly the same situation and I didn't go because I didn't see any point and every time I went I would see my girlfriend get crasy drunk and have to deal with it. He shouldn't be there to take care of you when you're drunk, you just need to stop getting wasted.

kctiger · Oct 16, 2009, 06:42 AM

Does he go to parties without you? What kinds of things does he like to do? Does he ever party?

I know I did this when I was dating an ex. I felt uncomfortable around her friends. I would think it is a comfort factor regardless, unless he flat out doesn't like drinking and "partying." It takes awhile to warm up to the idea of going to social settings where you only know one person, especially drinking settings where everything is ordinarily pretty clicky.

party_girl · Oct 16, 2009, 06:48 AM

I'm not acting like a bimbo, I just like to have fun, like girls do. I would really like him to have fun with me because I miss him when he's not there. I'm not forcing him to go. I'm being polite and inviting him. Wouldn't it be stranger if I didn't invite him? How can he be feeling rejected then?

We do a lot more than just partying. He's not complaining about me going. I don't like to hang out with his friends since they're older as he is too, and we don't have much in common, I find them borrring to be honest. I'm scared and uncomfortable of their lifestyle. He does go, well not partying, but out drinking with his friends. But I do go with him sometimes! HE's never gone with me! I don't need him for taking care of me being drunk, it just sucks to dance with others, not him. I feel weird telling him about the things we did at the parties because they're all innocent fun, I'm still afraid I'll hurt him.

Does he show signs of jealousy? I don't know what are the signs, sorry. He asks where I've been when we don't see each other a few days, and sometimes have I met some new guy, but I think he could just be joking and showing care.

Paxe, is she your ex because of this?

kctiger · Oct 16, 2009, 06:50 AM

How much older is he than you? That is a pretty big thing too. He probably feels uncomfortable being around a younger crowd. Same thing happened to me as well. How long have you been dating him?

party_girl · Oct 16, 2009, 07:01 AM

I'm 20, he's 26, that isn't much, but his friends are near 30 pretty much all married.
We've been dating about a year and a half.

kctiger · Oct 16, 2009, 07:10 AM

Here's the deal. When you turn 21 you are able to go to bars (I am assuming you are American). At the age of 26 you have pretty much worn out the whole house party scene and it becomes more uncomfortable to be involved in that kind of stuff as you get older. I would think it is, more than anything, a sign of maturity and different strokes for different ages.

party_girl · Oct 16, 2009, 07:52 AM

I'm not going to bars, they're private parties. There's nothing to do but leave it be and wait a couple of years till I worn out too.
Right now I feel I'll never get tired of it! Just being curious, what makes you stop at some point of your life? Will my boyfriend ever resent me for this? His friends make comments, she's young, she'll get out of it. What if I never?

redhed35 · Oct 16, 2009, 07:56 AM

I loved parties,now at the grand age of 37 id rather a hot bath and a good book on a Friday night.

As you get older and mature, you have added responsibility and you just get tried of the same old same old, same faces same parties..

I like doing other stuff, but still enjoy a night on the town from time to time.

Your boyfriend may just not like the party scene,there's no harm in having fun with your friends,as long as you and your boyfriend have time and fun together as well.

spitvenom · Oct 16, 2009, 08:15 AM

I am just going to take a wild guess here and let me know if I am wrong but at the parties are people playing beer pong, taking shots a jäger, beer bongs, shotgunning beers?

Don't get me wrong that stuff was fun but eventually you grow up and move past that. I always hate going to my wife's one friends parties because they still do this stuff and we are 31. It is actually pretty sad.

Also you said you don't like hanging out with his friends because they are older and that is understandable. But it is probably the same way for him.

Cat1864 · Oct 16, 2009, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by party_girl

I'm not going to bars, they're private parties. There's nothing to do but leave it be and wait a couple of years till I worn out too.
Right now I feel I'll never get tired of it! Just being curious, what makes you stop at some point of your life? Will my bf ever resent me for this? His friends make comments, she's young, she'll get out of it. What if I never?

Of course, you don't think you will get tired of it right now. You're thinking like an adolescent instead of an adult. You're enjoying the attention of males including your "best mate".

I would suggest you read the threads about people who cheated on their mate because they got drunk at a party or with a group of 'friends'. Huge wake up call.