[sunchyn3]

I need help!! Every time I go to clean up no one is around but as soon as I'm done the place looks like it has never been cleaned and I have to do it all over again the next day. I have two children ages 16,11 and my boyfriend lives with us and he thinks that because he works he shouldn't have to clean any thing but because I sit at a computer all day I don't do nothing so when I come home I clean and cook and I don't get no time to myself tell me what should I do?

[Alty]

Welcome to living with children and men (to be fair, not all men, but most). ;)

If I didn't clean our house would be condemned. I have a husband and two kids, none of them think it's their responsibility to clean their own messes.

It's bad, to the point where they literally throw their garbage on the floor, even though the garbage can is right there. Many arguments, tears, threats, strikes, you name it, nothing has worked.

Maybe someone else will come up with a solution, but after 14 years of marriage to my little piggy, I have yet to find anything that works.

I haven't accepted it, but I have decided to stop fighting it. I've also cut back on my cleaning. If the piggy's want to live in a sty, let them. ;)

[twinkiedooter]

Stop being the cleaning lady. They are your kids. Assign them both tasks to be performed around the house and then stick to your guns and have the kids do their chores. As for the boyfriend, if he's that lazy and won't lift a finger to help you, then you have a choice of either living with Mr. PigSty or showing him the door. Men seldom help around the house unless there is some sort of incentive for them to do it. Doesn't he even take the trash out? Surely he has to do something around the house! I really don't envision you doing everything yourself and living in a messy environment all because you have a bunch of lazyitis folks around you. You essentially are the one who has let them (yes, every one of them) get away with it for years and now you're scratching your head wondering why you're doing this all yourself now.

Kids 11 and 16 can do a lot around the house. How about vacuuming the house? Surely a 16 year old can handle that job. How about putting away the dishes? Surely an 11 year old can do this. How about doing the laundry? You can teach BOTH kids at once how to sort clothes, set the washer, put in the clothes and detergent, put the wet clothes in the dryer and set the dryer. Then when everything is dry, neatly fold the clothes. If you help them both at the same time how to do clothes, they will have no excuse not to do this chore in the future. If necessary, put detailed instructions posted on the wall near the washer so no one "forgets" how to do this chore.

[jmjoseph]

I don't know what to do about the husband except stop doing things for him until he makes a change.

As far as the kids, read this book: "Have A New Kid by Friday" by Dr.Kevin Leman. It will truly change your kids' thinking. It basically teaches them that "B" is not going to happen until "A" happens first. Take away all of their privileges until they do what it is you want them to do.

At those ages, they can do most anything you need for them to do. My 7 year old son is doing yardwork and other household chores. He actually wants to help out now. My 5 year old has just a few minor chores to do, and he bucks us on them sometimes, but he knows that they must be done in order for him to get the things he wants, or do the things that he wants to do.

You need to change all of the bad habits that are going on in your house.

No matter how physically strenuous your job is , or isn't, they have to pull their share of the load. I do(Alty), and so do my boys. My wife is not a housekeeper, or slave.

I want her to have energy for other things too, and me cleaning the house is foreplay for her.

Just kidding, she says she gets excited watching me cut the grass, and clean out the garage though.

I do most of the cooking , I used to be a chef, and I can cook pretty good. So I cook and she cleans up after me. It's a pretty good deal we have.

I wish you the best of luck. And be sure to buy that book.

[sunchyn3]

All of you guys are right cand thank you for all your help and ill come back and let you know how things are going and I will get that book!!