[KimberlyKimbo]

Me and this guy started dating for a month. Then, I went to study abroad for 4 months in another country, thinking it would end. But we talked a lot while I was over there and got more attached as we went, he was so sweet, caring and funny and we were calling each other bf/gf halfway through. This surprised me since I didn't expect to find a guy who'd wait for me, and when this guy came to the beach with my family for a few days after I returned home when I vacationed somewhat near his hometown, I knew for sure he was a keeper.

However, back when I was studying abroad, about halfway through he hung out with his ex. This was in April. His ex is a girl who always needs to have a boyfriend, and she is extremely pretty but seems very vain. He said that when she constantly posts on his Facebook Wall it pisses him off and that "she just feels the need to talk to him or something." Now, when I returned from a trip and hadn't spoken to him for 2 weeks, I saw his ex wrote on his wall saying thanks for hanging out. I got mad and when I got to talk to him again he brought it up within 2 sentences and explained he was worried Id be mad but "She got dumped, shes a wreck, she asked to hang out and I couldnt say no because Im a compassionate person. She just wanted me to make her feel better. But dont be mad, I care not for her, but for you, shes just an old friend. I talked about you to her" I let it go, but it seemed weird, esp. since I heard one of his guy friends say he had a hard time getting over her (this was back before we started dating) and I also know him and his ex stopped talking for awhile but started up again a few months before we started dating. I saw on his Facebook wall post history she started talking to him first but he was obviously keeping the conversation going and gave her his phone number.

A little while later in May he deleted his Facebook account saying that people tag him in unflattering photos but I got the feeling it might be his ex, the fact that she tagged him in a photo from the time they hung out and also that she posts on his Wall.

I visited him last weekend after not seeing him for 2 weeks and it seemed great. Everything seems to be great between us. However, he went to shower and I wanted to check my email. When he gave me his comp and I went to my website, I think he checked his email right before and forgot to log out so it went right to his Inbox. I couldn't help but notice it said he had a Facebook message from his ex. I clicked on it (I couldn't help myself) and it said "Hey I think when we are 26 and not married we should marry each other. Im tired of this dating thing and I think we could work out our long distance fighting issues." This message was dated in April right after her boyfriend broke up with her and he later hung out with her. I thought it was weird he kept this old message in his Inbox but maybe Im reading too much into it. I was kind of upset about this but trying to play it cool. Later that night, my boyfriend logged into his Facebook while I was sitting next to him on a couch. I glanced over when he clicked on his Inbox which had 3 new messages. I couldn't help but notice there was one from his ex- I couldn't read it but glanced just long enough to see the date was May so it was from awhile ago. After he logged out, I said "Hey didnt you see you had new messages?" He said "Oh, Ive read all of those. Some are from my ex, she was single for a while before she got a new bf, and she was like Whatchu doing? But I said Hey theres this girl." And he also explained she seems to have self image problems but she gets hit on wherever she goes.

I wish I hadn’t read that message now. I find it weird he deleted the recent messages from her from his email. He said he already read them and Im sure he did read them through his email but he deleted those since they weren’t in his Inbox. I was entirely happy with him before this- but now I am wondering if he really did say “Hey I have this girl” and I am starting to feel psycho/crazy because Im getting the urge to try to snoop again when I visit him again next weekend.

I don’t know why I don’t trust him. He use to play football and is in a fraternity. I thought he was the stereotypical arrogant jock when I met him and got to know him and found out he wasn’t- and he likes to tell this story to people. However, I do feel he is very into looks and is kind of vain himself. I feel bad thinking this, but I think he could be the cheating type. A girl hotter than myself who gives him attention, he would prob like that a lot. Maybe not right now, since we are still in the honeymoon-cant-keep-your-hands-off-each-other stage, but later when that wears off. Am I awful for judging someone to be that way?

He has talked about the future. He graduates early in December and I graduate in May. Before I was worried about what would happen (now Im not convinced we’ll still be together by then), and he has mentioned that too, and talks about me visiting him after he graduates and stuff. I don’t know, he told me himself he likes to have a plan, so it might just be that and he's really not sure he sees me long term. Do guys just say stuff like that?

Sorry if all that sounded confusing. I am confused. I have a history of guys losing interest in me or guys using me, Im starting to think I have trust issues and I am totally overreacting to all of this just because his ex sent him messages. But he has treated me great so far so I don’t know what to think. I talked to my best friend about this and she said talk to him. I want to, but I don’t want to come off as jealous or clingy, since we briefly talked about this in April. Also, I do not want him to know I snooped- Id rather let it wear off in my solitude than tell him that. And without that email, I have nothing to back up why Im upset.

[N0help4u]

He hasn't given you any other reason to not trust him other than the emails making you worry. So I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and just accept things until you have more concrete evidence --and not through his emails but by his behaviors.

[talaniman]

I think you have a lot more to lean about this fellow, but don't be so insecure that your seeing things that aren't there, or misreading what your seeing. How can a guy be a keeper, or trustworthy after only a month, and talking long distance for 4 months? You're really expecting a lot for the time you have known each other, I think.